DD11 sudden worry and anxiety about competitive sport and wants to quit

[GladBear]

Looking for some advice!
DD11 is in a competitive dance team, she absolutely loves it and has been since she was 5.
The last few weeks she has been absolutely consumed with anxiety and worry about going, can not identify what it is , just feels like she’s failing, not good enough, wants to walk away as can’t cope with feeling like this anymore.
Spoke with coaches , they’ve supported her , she’s dance captain and one of the strongest on her team.
She is a perfectionist and puts so much pressure on her self, I suspect it will be something else if we let her pack it in. the issue is how she now feels not the dance itself, she’s annoyed at how she is feeling and just wants to feel normal again.

Lots of hormones and friendship issues , standard for this age. I know she she will look back and regret walking away but she woke up yesterday morning crying about her class tonight. If she walks away she won’t be able to just re join in a few months, she has no other hobbies.

She’s really good at articulating how she feels but just doesn’t know why she feels so nervous now and can’t stop crying.

my head says to stick it out for a few more months and if she still feels like this then walk away but my heart says let her leave, even though I know deep down she will regret it

anyone experienced similar and have any advice? Thanks in advance

She sounds gorgeous. It’s so tough when you’re a kid who puts pressure on yourself.

Agree with the PP who recommends a psychologist - sports or performance? See if you can unpick what’s bothering her. Failure? Getting it wrong? The social side? She’s just feeling like it’s a bit much and needs time to decompress?

For me, it was because I was going to age out of being able to try for the pro thing, and only having one chance was too much for me. But articulating that was hard!

How about trying another class or different sport alongside her existing dance? Something that might improve her confidence? It is meant to be better to do a variety of sports instead of specialising early.

I can understand her feeling the pressure. My dd did really well in a competition then started liking that sport a lot less! In a way that pressure can be a privilege because it means you are good, but it is so hard when they are young.

Would travelling with her teammates or a play date after class work? Or a team trip to do an activity?

One of my DD’s did an exercise with their team about ‘what makes a good day?’ on a whiteboard. It helped them focus that it isn’t all about winning or getting on the podium.

I think it’s highly likely linked to her hormones, have you started with the basics of box breathing and researching with her why humans feel anxiety - the flood of cortisol etc?

Learning that anxiety it’s natural but it can be “controlled” is such a gift. I can now talk myself down from panic attacks etc.

It always comes down to failure and letting the team down, she’s really talented and so often centre stage and is physically more than capable but mentally the pressure gets to her. She’s a great little sportswoman and should just be so proud of herself but never sees what everyone else does . I think the bullying last year made her hyper sensitive to how people react to her etc, we’ve discussed moving lower level team, going solo, starting a new sport whatever she wants but then she gets upset as she doesn’t want to quit but doesn’t want to stay either.

I don’t want to fail her either way, encouraging her to stay or letting her walk away.

Her dance school are amazing at stuff like that, they’ve had days away, they’ve also travelled abroad together to compete. They are really hot on wellbeing and mental health.

she does trampolining and netball, loves them, but has anxiety even before them, she’s always been this way. Still gets nervous Sunday evenings before school, even though loves it and goes in so happy.

Its always been their subtly but it’s just all of a sudden taken hold and I really don’t know what’s best for her, I remember what hormones did to me, we’ve talked about it, she’s read books , speaks to school about it, has all the techniques, it’s the first time in my mothering journey that I just do not no what to do for the best

We’ve done all this, she’s able to manage it most the time, has all the techniques, speaks openly about it. She just says she doesn’t want to feel like this, it’s like she’s finally had enough but I’m certain it’s also hormones, I struggled awfully as a teen and that’s why I really don’t know what to do for the best :(

Bloody hormones, being female is so crap at times 😭

Definitely a sports performance psychologist can help with this. The key I think is getting one that understands teen girls (as it is quite gendered). Working with one will help whether she decides to continue or not (it will help her know she’s made the right decision).

Preserving her mental health is the priority, even if that means losing her place in the team and having to dance at a lower level in future. If she’s having panic attacks and is so anxious that needs managing carefully so it doesn’t spiral. Is she under a lot of pressure elsewhere in life? New school? Any other big changes? Can you focus on reducing pressure and demands in other aspects of her life?