Year 7 friendship group issues and my son being left out

[NorthernStarlight]

DS is 11 and just started in Year 7. He has a friendship group from primary school and there is one dominant boy in the group. DS seems to have fallen out of favour with him in recent weeks and is gradually getting pushed out. The other boy has been saying some unkind things about him to the other boys in the group and they are cooling off towards DS too.
I feel so bad for him (possibly worse than he feels!) as this happened to me at a similar age and was quite traumatic. He seems to be coping ok so far, not meeting up as much with friends outside school but we’re keeping him busy.
I’ve encouraged him to try to make new friends so hopefully this will happen.
Has this happened to anyone else’s kid and is it common? My older 2 have been most fine friendship wise so this is new for me.
any words of advice or wisdom please? I’m feeling a bit sad and worried about how it will play out. Thanks

Been there and it’s awful. I completely understand.

If you haven’t already then chat to school to keep an eye on this.

Tip to get through it: make sure he’s busy with friends outside of school. My son doesn’t have a huge friendship group in school but has lots outside of school all from his various hobbies. It’s been the best thing for him. It does wonders for their confidence.

Do school run any lunch time clubs he could join? The hardest part for my son was break and lunch time so he joined some clubs and always knew he had somewhere to be so he wasn’t on his own.

My son is in Year 10 now and he’s in a much better place with his classmates.

Happened to my cousin's son last year! Similar situation where he seemed to be splitting from the group a bit. Happy to say he's doing really well now. He's stayed friends with a couple of kids from the original group and has some really sweet new friends that he met through the school orchestra.

Does he do any after-school clubs? Or Saturday morning groups outside of school? Sometimes it helps to have some different people around while things cool off with these friends.

It’s very common though it’s hard to watch as a parent. Some kids just outgrow each other. Encourage him to make new friends, get him involved in clubs etc.

Thanks so much. I feel a bit tearful even reading responses (which is very wet of me I know- I’m not usually so pathetic) I will look at outside activities he might like. He does footie but this dominant kid is on the team and is the better player so just exacerbating things.
Am grateful for any more people to share their experiences and how they got through it.
It’s a shit feeling! And I am being so so careful not to transfer my worry onto him and try to be neutral and supportive but not emotional. Uurgh. Sometimes being a parent is hard.

Yes my dd had ups and downs like this in year 7 until she found her tribe in year 8.

my son has also been through this a couple of times with different friendship groups, firstly in year 8 with primary friends outside secondary & then in year 11 with his secondary friends. Each period my son stayed home a bit more so I tried to replace that friendship time with family things. This was obviously a lot easier in year 8, so cinema, movie & game nights etc. but he really surprised me as it gave him the nudge to branch out & make new friends.

he is now year 13 with a lovely friendship group.

i found it heartbreaking watching this happen so I totally understand what you must be feeling.

Tbh there’s nothing much else you can do other than reassure him that as upsetting as it is, it is very normal for friendships at that age to go in a different direction and it’s not a reflection of him. You’re probably more upset about it than him (which I understand) so try not to focus on it. Things will get better.

Thanks for these lovely supportive messages; I really appreciate them. This afternoon, I’ve looked into another hobby he’s mentioned a few times and will ask him later if he’d like to join. And just try to keep him busy the next few weeks so he doesn’t feel the loss so much.
And I’ll be keeping a close eye on his phone- I made him give it to me this weekend so he wasn’t tempted to message people or engage with anything that might cause him to feel excluded