Highly sensitive 4YO and possible neurodivergence

[Dottyhedgehog]

I have posted before about my very sensitive LO, he is now almost 4 years old and a lot of traits I thought may settle or he’d grow out of he has not. My gut feeling is he’s a very emotionally complex (also highly intelligent) little boy but also that potentially there is some underlying neurodivergence - possibly not even enough for a diagnosis/not enough for me to seek a diagnosis. But I just feel he is often hugely misunderstood by friends and family, pre school etc. Below are some of the main traits I’ve noticed

• acts as if he is driven by a motor, is moving, talking, asking questions all the time - gets worse when he is tired.
• creature of habit, dislikes changes to routine, needs everything explained, is NOT a go with the flow kind of child
• fixates on certain things for an extended period of time and feels very strongly about them
• very very hard to reason with, especially if he is emotional. Extremely stubborn
• thrives on 1:1 attention, loves playing imaginative games at home with us or with his grandma.
• in a busy environment with lots of people he comes across as “grumpy” to others as he gets very shy and just wants to go home
• pushes certain boundaries daily for example refusal to get dressed, getting in the car seat, brushing teeth, putting shoes and socks on
• very fussy eater, limited diet to familiar foods (although is getting more open to trying some new things recently)
• very extreme separation anxiety when dropping off at pre school, often wakes up in the night worrying about coming, is peeled off me at the door most days despite being 9 months into going.

Just looking for anyone else’s experiences of their almost 4 year olds as many of my friends children seem quite different to this. Also for experiences of people who’s children have been diagnosed with any form neurodivergence a little later on and whether or not you had a similar experiences?

With all politeness and kindness, how is your own anxiety? Just you mentioned posting about this before and whilst some things could potentially be linked to ND, some could just as easily be anxiety.

I think as parents we sometimes forget that we need to look after our own mental health in order to look after our children's.

What are his communication and language skills like? Have Preschool staff expressed any concerns other than settling when left?
Many of the things on your list are typical for his age especially for a bright child.
Don't try to reason with him when he’s “ emotional” this isn’t the right time. Use little or no language while he calms. Planned ignoring is a good strategy.

I was a highly anxious child (but masked it for most of my childhood/teenage years). Had a bad run of my own mental health when LO was first born but had lots of therapy and coping much better now. Obviously there are still tough days and I do carry a lot of the emotional/mental load in our household.

He started talking very early and as a result has very strong language/communication skills. Pre school have not expressed any concerns except for being a bit puzzled by the continuing extreme separation anxiety. Thank you - I know I can be guilty of talking too much during a meltdown.

I’d be getting him assessed. Your examples are like a tick list of the criteria.

Sounds like my youngest. She is autistic and has ADHD.

Yes, neurodivergence sounds like a possibility. What’s he like with other children? What does he like playing? What’s his eye contact like? How cooperative is be with other children? What about sleep? And naps when he was younger?

If you think he is autistic or has ADHD, get him assessed - especially if the latter because there is treatment for that.

He is very shy around other children, but is definitely capable of cooperative play. So if we have a play date with a child he hasn’t seen in a while he usually only “warms up” in the last 20 minutes or so. Pre school have said he will happily play alongside a couple of preferred children but prefers adults. Eye contact not a problem.

Sleep has always been an issue. Naps always used to be a battle, even as a newborn he was awake more than asleep I’m sure! Lots of early starts (5am onwards). 50% of the time he finally sleeps through the night but other 50% he will call for one of us at least twice in the night, often end up on the floor in his room.

Sleep problems are classic for neurodivergent people. DC2 gave up daytime naps at 9 months and to this days (now a young adult) wakes up very early.

I would consider an assessment for ADHD and autism even if nursery/school don’t agree. DC2’s schools did not spot any issues (not even dyslexia). If was me that realised after completing A-Levels. DC2 would have likely had a less stressful time at school and would have stood a better chance of getting onto their dream uni course if they had the diagnoses (and the understanding, treatment snd support that results from that). Do no let people convince of the disadvantages of a label because it is a much greater disadvantage to have the condition and not know and not adapt life accordingly and (in tbe case of ADHD) get the very effective medication.