Feel awful shouted at my son

[SnappyPenguin]

Going through a lot right now.

Fighting the LA for an echp for my child, just had them diagonsed, landed up in hostipal last weekend, looking for a college for my other sen child, looking for a mainstream school, family crap etc I am extremely stressed.

My son asked for a specific food while shopping, great stuff. Cooked it for dinner after a stressful day for him to go "I don't like that anymore." Hes diabetic so the rule of you don't like it? Starve then isn't an option.
I offered ten different meals. TEN.
"I don't like that/I don't want that today/I dunno what I want."

Completely lost my cool slammed the fridge door and shouted "starve then," and walked off to calm down. His dad was in the room being a chocolate teapot.

I feel awful. In the end I did get him to eat but at that point it was crap food just to make the carbs up so he doesn't die.

He seems fine but I still feel bad. I don't ever shout and usually pretty calm.

You’re under tremendous massive giant pressure. And anyone would snap after an interaction like that. And it’s no bad thing that he learns that dickish behaviour won’t be accepted. I prescribe a massive giant glass of wine and Deliveroo chippy.

Just speak to him later and apologise for loosing your cool. It's not worth beating yourself up over. It's not the end of the world. Your doing your best and that's all anyone can do. Hugs.

Everyone, absolutely everyone, has a limit. You reached yours, you reacted then walked away and calmed down. You didn't hit or hurt him and I think you need to be a bit kinder to yourself. Life is shit sometimes and when it is it doesn't take much to push us over the edge. You have an awful lot on your plate right now, don't let beating yourself up over something minor add to the pressure. 💐

How old is this child? It's unlikely to be 2. Everyone has a limit, you wouldn't find 10 options in our house.

Every parent has a limit. It can change due to stress, tiredness etc. Today you reached yours. It’s ok.
No need to apologize or explain to your child.
Unless there are other undisclosed issues refusing 10 options is likely a control issue.
Offer 2 maybe three options. Yes your child is diabetic but also a child who maybe (for whatever reason) is being difficult.
Maybe the diabetes nurse would have some suggestions for this kind of behavior.
Do something nice for your self and start again tomorrow. Next time it’s ok to go to DH and say I can’t cope with this please take over.

How old what the child you shouted at?

TBH I’d have lost my shit too. And I wouldn’t apologise either. You were more than reasonable cooking exactly what they wanted only for them to turn their ungrateful noses up. I’d have ended the “well starve then” sentence with “if you are hungry ask your father to cook it”

I wouldn't apologise, he has to learn that he just can't treat you like that. Your DH needs to step up.

Many years ago I confessed to my husband, with shame, that I'd been a shouty bad tempered mum that day.
His response? Sooner or later someone is going to tell them they're pissing them off. Might as well be you.
Don't beat yourself up for being human.

As PP have said, you are only human and have a limit. We all lose our cool from time to time and it sounds like you are under immense pressure. Talk to your DH about how you feel and how he could help you in these situations. You aren't a bad mum, you fed him a meal and the fact you feel bad now shows how much you care. We all have our moments and it sounds like you don't have them often so don't be hard on yourself.

Sounds like you’re doing everything for everyone. Your DS should apologise to you for being so ungrateful. How old is he?

He's ten. He's also autistic which is why I feel worse. Thank you for being so kind.

I think 99.9% of people would have shouted in that situation. In my personal opinion the chocolate teapot types who would keep gently suggesting options and discussing their emotions etc. wouldn’t have resolved anything just taught their child they can be an arse. If his life depends on eating then he needs to eat it even if he doesn’t like it.

He's under the diabetes psychiatrist. Its his autism he likes to have control over things, but today just pushed me over the edge especially I spent ages cooking.
He's mostly great about food and tells me before his insulin if he doesn'twant something, but when he's like this it is so frustrating as you have a limited time to give him a replacement before his numbers start running very low so really limits what I then replace it with.

I really don’t think you over reacted and you really shouldn’t be feeling bad about shouting. I very much doubt that that there are any parents who haven’t lost their temper under circumstances like you've described and shouted, and if anyone says they’ve never raised their voice to their children, I don’t believe them.

It’s fine to shout at your children occasionally if they are behaving like entitled brats or not behaving.
It’s regular shouting and belittling that’s problematic.

Losing your rag and shouting occasionally really isn't going to cause any long term damage. You're human and the fact that you feel bad shows what a good mum you are! Give him a cuddle and forget about it. Sending hugs to you lovely, you've got a lot on your plate 💐

My daughter is autistic and is like this with food. She is an incredibly picky eater and will also suddenly decide she doesn’t like something she liked yesterday. I know she can’t help it but it is MADDENING when you’re exhausted to have them refuse ten different options. If we just tell her she can not eat, she won’t and then she’ll completely meltdown from hunger. It is very, very difficult to remain calm in the face of this and both me and my DH have shouted at her before. We also felt terrible, but it is a lot to deal with.