Managing nights out for an older teen sharing with a younger sibling

[Mammy80]

Hi all. I have a 17 year old son soon to be turning 18. He’s at the stage now where all he wants to do is be out with his friends. I want him to have a life, but he shares a room with his 12 year old brother so I am struggling with what to do. I set a 2 drink boundary for him to come home but I don’t think he will stick to this. I just worry it will affect some of his friendships but at the same time I don’t think it’s fair on my 12 year old if he comes home drunk after a night out. Does anyone have any advice? Thanks x

Is there anywhere else in the house he can sleep when drunk? Sofa/floor mattress?

If he comes home late and/or drunk then he sleeps on the sofa.

Surely you’d want him to come home if he’s had a few too many, rather than kipping anywhere. Has he actually done anything wrong yet, or have you just decided that he’s going crash in at 3am hammered? I’d tell him that if he’s had a few drinks he needs to come in quietly and not wake anyone up, and if he’s can’t do that he sleeps on the sofa. You never know, he might be super quiet and it’s a non-problem.

yep, he sleeps on sofa, or you do and put 12 y/o in your room. You can't put a 2 drink limit on him, you're just setting him up to be dishonest about what he's had and thats risky.

Sofa, no brainer really

He needs to sleep somewhere else in the house or stay at a friends. This is literally what Dh or I do and we are in our 40s. It’s not kind to disturb someone else’s sleep just because you want to stay out and get pissed.

How long is the ‘2 drink’ rule going to last for? Surely you can’t expect an 18 or even a 17 year old to put his social life hold, or restrict it all because he’s having to share with a child? How on earth is that fair?

Why can’t he just come in & go to bed in his own room? Surely they’ve always had different bedtimes so your younger child must be used to sleeping through his brother coming in.

2 drink boundary doesn’t make sense.

unless you are implying you are happy for him to come home any time of night if sober?

is this a correct inference? 2am/3am ok as long as sober?

I don’t ever want to set rules that have the unintended consequence of having my older teen not come home or call me when she needs me. Your rule creates more problems than it solves.

It is possible to drink without getting drunk. If his behavior is impacted, deal with it then. You don’t need an arbitrary rule.

Don’t move your younger child. He should never be punished because of the choices of a sibling. Put the older child in your room or on the sofa.

A bit different but some of my best memories of sharing a room with my sister who is 8 years older than me, is her coming home a bit worse for wear and telling me all the gossip from her night out when she was your older son’s age. Occasionally, she’d sneak me home some chicken nuggets 🤣

Unless your younger boy is being upset/woken up constantly, I’d leave it and see how it goes. With my sister, she’d usually just slip in the door and into bed, and I wouldn’t stir. Obviously, if your older son is coming in very drunk and causing noise/upset, that’s a different scenario but I’d see how it goes until you know what you’re dealing with.