I think DD’s love/hate relationship with the swing is going to break me! (Lighthearted…but also not)

[Ketryne]

My almost 2 year old DD is obsessed with the swings. It’s the first thing she wants to do in any playground, and we even have one in our back garden (bought when DS was this age - no way would I have subjected myself to this if I’d known!)

As soon as she gets in she starts calling for a ‘big pull’. I’ve taken this to mean holding the basket seat towards me and letting go. And around 50% of the time this is accepted and as long as I do it whenever she asks, life is tolerable. The other 50% of the time, she will immediately sob real tears, writhe around in the seat and shout ‘no! Big Pull!’ over and over again, no matter what kind of pull I deliver. If I get her out of the swing, she drops to the floor in a total meltdown and calls to get ‘BACK IN’.

This has been going on for about 6 months now, and is a hell reserved exclusively for me, as she won’t tolerate anyone else pushing her in the swing at all.

While she’s a relatively highly strung child prone to crying when she doesn’t immediately get what she asks for, she’s not usually completely illogical (for a 1 year old), and her language is pretty good for her age. I also have no reason to suspect neurodiversity before anyone asks.

So, my question, what would you do in these situations? These are all things I’ve tried or considered…

A) immediately take her out of the swing when she starts crying and deal with the meltdown.
B) block my ears and continue to push her despite the crying.
C) tie myself in knots trying every version of a ‘big pull’ possible while I cry ‘I don’t know what you want!!’
D) Rip the garden swingset down with my bare hands in the dead of night and ban the whole family from playgrounds until she’s at least 10.

Any thoughts?

I’d push her normally and if she starts whining, give her a warning and then take her out and accept the meltdown and not put her back in for this round of playing.

I also found my 2yo daughter’s endless tantrums, constant moaning, things that used to be right and are now wrong, soul-destroying. She’s so much easier (most of the time) at 3.

There’s no hint of ND here OP, just a normal toddler behaviour. As if we adults are logical beings!

Thank you, I think that’s going to be my strategy from now on. The option C I’ve been applying up to now isn’t getting results 😂😭

To be clear, I don’t think for a second this is a warning sign that she’s ND, just know it’s usually asked on here.

As her language is good, I'd give her a choice. "These pushes (demonstrate a lovely swing push) or you get out. Which do you want to do?". If faced with hysteria I'd stop the swing and say that's fine if you don't want those pushes, I'll get you out. You can try again next time/after we've done the slide...depending on your own emotional resilience at the time!

Could you try getting her to push a toy on the swing to see what she means?

At a similar age my DC2 used to say 'higher' when in the swing but hated going higher! I eventually figured out that they were copying what DC1 said without understanding the consequences.

Thank you, @Anothercake I will try that. Although she’s often beyond listening at that point.

And @Koalaslippers I do think there’s something in that - she’s learnt a lot of phrases from her brother that she’s doesn’t understand so I do think there’s a miscommunication going on. I just can’t work out what it is. Some days I feel like I’m stuck in some swing-based pergatory!

I'd probably tell her before you even start pushing - because yes, once she's losing it she'll be deaf. But after she'll be able to process what happened!

Have you tried asking her (at the beginning, before she gets in / gets upset) to show you what Big Pull means?

This just made me LOL because this was my daughter 12 months ago, she is now 3.
Always wanted me to push her, I’d push her the wrong way, she’d be screaming higher etc and it was such an unenjoyable time 😬 I promise it does get better and it did make me question her highly strung behaviours, but she is absolutely fine.
I would also try talking to her about it whilst not at the park so in the build upto going and after to make sure she is clear that if you start doing X then we won’t be having fun at the park so will need to leave etc. I know they are young to understand but my two have always been receptive to conversations like that whilst not in the heat of the moment

I assume in trying different 'big pulls', you have also tried smaller pushes? In case the no means I don't like that today. Could you try pushing teddies in the swing and modelling language e.g. slow to give her more vocabulary?

I'd consider taking the swing seat off and making it 'broken' or replacing it with another type of seat for a change e.g. you can get net type ones or seesaw types.

Does she know the zoom zoom zoom, we’re going to the moon song? If so (and if you can face a bit of public singing) I’d go for option e) Full Distraction Technique: put her in the swing and immediately start singing it as you push. Then when you get to the count down of numbers to Lift Off! I’d push slightly higher each time so she gradually acclimatises to the height and then end on the biggest push for Lift Off!
sounds insane, feels slightly insane to do, but for some reason was the only way I could get my child to enjoy the swings! After a few goes they knew it would get gradually higher, the anticipation for the count down was exciting, and there was a natural end point we both knew was coming!

I like option D

And she is only 2, no need to start pondering about ND (as is the modern way) when toddler tantrums are normal and illogical.

Thanks everyone! I think getting her to recreate the pushes she wants might be a bit beyond her just yet, she’s one 22 months so I’m not sure she could recreate what’s in her head. But I do think starting a conversation before we get there and being consistent about stopping if she’s upset is a good approach. I’ve tried every combination song/rocket blast off/count down/‘ready steady go’ I can think of, but then she starts yelling those phrases at me while still being unhappy with the outcome.

@BendingSpoonsremoving the swing seat is actually a genius idea though, so maybe it can be broken for a bit while I get my emotional resilience back!

@Ketryne I can picture you both crying and sobbing "zoom, zoo-oom, sob, zoo-m" like some sort of dystopian torture 😂

Your picture sounds extremely accurate!

Does big swing possibly mean a long time?

Or she is copying from her brother/others as something you say without any meaning behind it.

This is so funny! I think you need to go cold turkey on big pulls and tell her you can’t do them any more.

I had a two year old who loved the swings but only if they didn’t move at all. So she’d want to go on it and then hate it if they moved even a tiny bit. Then she’d cry and want to get out. But then want to get back in again. Nightmare.

It’s very funny when you’re not living it, even I can see that! She calls it the ‘swinga-winga’ and I dread the sound of those words.

It’s obviously difficult age for strong feelings, language limitations and lack of logic, but this feels particularly barmy.

I can just so imagine the whole infuriating situation! Hope you find some kind of solution to break this habit.

Have you introduced her to this...

😂 to be fair, she’d be up for this, as long as I could somehow find a way hold her hands all the way down.

I reckon that it’s that she sometimes gets that tummy flip feeling and that’s what she’s asking for. But it doesn’t always happen.