How to manage half term alone with a lively four year old and 4 month old

[Dory356]

My eldest has just started reception and I’m already dreading October half term. He’s very energetic and behaviour has been challenging since starting school. He’s understandably adjusting, but I also think some of it is just 4 year olds? But I also have a 4 month old and I don’t drive. I’m not confident taking them both out on my own other than to the shops or library. Even the park makes me nervous as he can just run off and I can’t run after him if I’m with baby and I’m on my own. As I’m on mat leave I’m obviously going to be doing childcare and I have no idea how to entertain him for 5 days straight. He used to do nursery 3 days per week so I’ve not had to do 5 consecutive days solo with him since I was on mat leave with him 🥴 We can’t afford to go on holiday currently and I feel so much pressure to provide fun day trips etc. But feel limited due to not driving and being nervous taking out two kids with very different needs.

This is what softplay is for.

Take him to an enclosed space where he can expend his energy and you can drink coffee and feed the baby while keeping him in sight. Try and go with other parents with similar age kids. Suggest a get together with the othe reception class parnets who will be in the same boat.

Also, you need to be able to get out. You will go insane stuck at home and he will be bouncing off the walls. Have you tried a buggy board? When I had 3 under 6 I had the baby in the buggy, toddle on the buggy board with a wrist rein strapped to the handle (he was my bolter) so I could sort of cordon him in with my body and other hand free to hold 5/6 y old when crossing roads etc. Kindly, you need to woman up a bit here and get control of this situation.

All of what the pp said but also are there any sports camps running for that age group nearby - a couple of hours of football/gymnastics/running around in the morning with children the same age will help with the rest of the day - or farm parks often have Halloween themed activities to make a day of it and make a change from soft play

It will be fine once you are used to it. Mine are closer together and I used reins for the older one in tricky situations and had a double buggy, a buggy board also is useful, there is no reason to go on elaborate trips, just head to the local park and take a sling for the baby so you are more mobile

Can you enroll him in tots rugby or something have a look to see what's on, soft play obviously, if you don't drive does he like the bus you can do a short journey to somewhere? It is also fine to have a day or 2 at home. What is the park like is it an open space or is their a fenced off area?

This is the best time - 4 month old confined to baby carrier or buggy and not able to run off! I always used a Tula baby carrier for my second, could feed him in it, he napped and was always in eye sight while I looked after the bigger one. Also great for his core and reflux! I would make sure to go for a walk every day - whether to the park, local shop for a small snack, library or wherever is local - fresh air makes everyone feel better and sleep better. Soft play is another great shout. Quiet time activities at home - whatever he will engage in - Lego, crafts, stories etc. we used YouTube for kids yoga and workout activities to get the wriggles out too! You’ll be fine.

Crikey this is a lot of overthinking. What support do you have in real life? Family , friends?

A 4 yo needs fresh air & exercise. Also a fair bit of discipline in the form of boundaries. A reception kid knows not to run away in most cases, SEN aside. Does he actually do that or are you worrying about something that hasn’t happened?

With the baby in a sling there’s very little you can’t do with the 4yo. Get a bus or taxi to a farm park or something? Do you or he have friends you could arrange a day out with? Visit family another day?

Why don’t you drive? Do you have good public transport? If not then that’s something to prioritise before next summer hols?

Hi

I remember this so clearly. Have you tried wearing the 4 month old? Then they can snuggle with you and you have two hands free for the 4 year old. It’s not for everyone but I used to find it so useful to have a sling or carrier in the pram, or sometimes not bother with the pram at all.

I focussed on survival at this stage, you don’t need to do amazing days out with your 4 year old, small trips out to the shops etc are just as fun, and soft play!

take care

Invite a friend round to play for a few hours. Soft play. Gated playgrounds. Buggy board for walks. I know you say money is tight but could you stretch to 1 day of camp and coordinate with classmates?

I had this age gap, Dd was a runner i had her on a wrist strap when we went out alone , i know some people hate them. "Baby leashes" etc but it keeps them safe .

Look at notice boards in supermarkets as they often advertise half term and holiday activities and they will be local, and some might be free! Ditto your local library/ sports centre/church/ community centre.

Do your research NOW and get him booked on at least one thing a day. Then as others have suggested look at local places to go, play parks, country parks, museums, soft play and make a list of them. Make sure you have waterproof clothing for everyone so the weather doesn’t hold you back. Put up your own notice on the school notice board and ask if anyone would like to meet up for a park picnic/ run around.

I mean this in a nice way (as I remember the feeling well) but you just have to get over taking them both out. The worst thing you can do for all of you in stay in for the whole of half term - it will make things feel worse. And really the worry is worse than the reality.

Mine were slightly older as I had a 5 year old (sept baby) and 6 month old for the first October half term. I just took the opinion of getting on with it. Going out and doing day trips, trips to the park. Planning for every eventuality and the worst and 99% of the time the best happened.
I would plan a day out (either big or just a park day) then a day at home and alternative those over the week. Days out don't have to be big and expensive. We did a lot of things that involved walking to place (soft play, park, swimming) as it wasted more time in the day. I usually only do big days out in big holiday (Christmas, easter and summer hols). Visiting family to get out of the house and then the kids get different interactions. Days at home would involve some pre planned activities (painting, playdo, crafts) some TV time and free play time.

I didn't have a runner but I 100% would have used backpack reins or wrist straps if I did and not worry about what others think. My child's safety is more important.

My dd loved doing short activity camps at that age, our council ran sports camps at the leisure centre for free if you were on a low income. Also at age 4 she was still able to go to childrens centres (up to age 5) and they are very safe places. I don't drive either but we're city based so we had lots of places walkable to us. There are always lots of organised activities at places like museums during half terms, and it's no problem bringing a baby along.

Not to sound mean but I’ve never really understood this, how parents can’t manage to take kids out on their own? (Not referring to sen kids which I’m taking isn’t the case as would have been mentioned) But then I was a completely single parent so I didn’t have a choice, the more you do it the easier it becomes, if you avoid it, it will be much harder. Why is a 4 year old running off? Go to a playground and sit by the gate you don’t need to follow a 4 year old around. (Obviously keep an eye but no need to helicopter)

Arrange a couple of trips out with a couple of his school friends. It’s easier with more adults around and he’ll be entertained with children his own age.

Right honestly you're overthinking this, but in the nicest way that's normal as you're on mat leave. Your 4 year old has had a lot of change - new sibling starting school. He has also apparently never had a full week with you by himself in his memory (since mat leave 1) and suddenly his sibling is having mum to themselves all week so I feel for him a bit. You need to bite the bullet and get out. Baby in sling, fresh air in the morning - a walk or the playground or something. Playing at home in the afternoon. Presuming partner will be home in evening so it is just the day time. I think all of you need this and even if it is challenging it will be really good for him and hopefully you too. Also I would take all other pressure off - buy prepared meals, take a packed lunch out or have a picnic lunch and paper plates, lunch in the garden if you have one to minimise the clean up! Make it easy for yourself but hopefully it'll be a good week. Also yes to reins of some sort if it helps with confidence!

I also disagree with having other adults and children around unless he particularly wants that. He's only 4 and he's around kids all day at school, I'd imagine he wants his Mum.

Baby should be fairly easy!

I had an 8 week summer holiday with 4 yo 2 yo and newborn. 4 yo I sent to summer camps a fair bit. Baby was sleeping. It was the 2 yo who needed lots of attention and wasn’t able to go to any childcare (their nursery was term time)

can you put school child in some clubs?

Do you have a garden? Mine liked looking for bugs, football, sand or water play, ride on toys and the trampoline at that age so he could use up quite a lot of energy at home. We used an hour of screen time at lunch to get a break and had a variety of things to do indoors too, sometimes I would write myself a list of options so I didn't have to think on the spot.

When you go out you need to set firm expectations and then he needs to know what will happen if he doesn't do it. He will be used to this from school. E.g. you will hold onto the buggy until we get to the park. Then we can play in the park. If you don't hold the buggy nicely I will have to hold on to you or we will have to go home. I need to keep you safe while we are out. Etc. Then the same for the journey home.

I also think it's sometimes easier to go somewhere they can just run. We used to go to the zoo quite a lot, maybe there's somewhere like that that you could go on the bus? Or soft play as a previous poster suggested.

Honest I think this is a time for the big girl pants to go on, and you just get out there with the kids. At this age baby tags along to what you want to do with the four-year-old. I personally recommend taking baby in the sling and can personally attest that you can move quite quickly in them when you need to. My personal recommendation would be if you feed baby in the sling to delatch them before sprinting. I leaned that one the hard way.

And all seriousness yes it's flipping hard. I had a 21 month age gap and parenting two is not easy. However this is the time when your baby is stationary, so getting to grips with the juggling now before they go in different directions is really useful. Hopefully with a 4-year age gap that shouldn't be as much of an issue.

I drive now, but didn't when they were younger. Again, a sling is a lot easier on the bus, train etc.

You can absolutely do this I think you just need to get on and do some of it to get yourself confident.

I agree with baby in a sling. The baby just tags along with where you’re going and at that age are really portable and too young to really care where they are as long as they’re with you.

Does your son like activities? If so he can do that for a day or so? There will be camps around. Does your husband/ partner have any annual leave to take? I assume he is using that in the holidays now?

Gated playgrounds are your friend, especially if not too big. Assuming no SEN a 4 year old should understand not to go out of the playground and stay in sight if you, you don’t need to be joined at the hip. Mine managed this when I had a 4 and 1 year old, and had to run after the little one. A four month old would’ve been bliss as they stay where you put them.
if you have a leisure centre with a baby/training pool swimming can be good too, they’re shallow enough that a four year old could reach the bottom. I just held the baby and let my 4 year old splash around near by, but if they haven’t had lessons I’d probably use armbands.
Soft play also really tires them out but I try not to go often as someone always seems to get sick after.

Another vote for a sling but mostly wanted to say that I get it, it’s hard at first and feels huge but you can do it and each time you do it will get easier.
Also a little one pushing boundaries when starting school is hard, harder with a baby (been there)!

I know this is controversial but use reins, the body kind. Then you can walk everywhere in comfort (not theirs but they will get used to them). Everything can then be made interesting, even making faces in shop windows, watching an insect crawl. Hopefully it will be dry and you can take picnic food with you.

He's a school child!!

If he was two I'd agree with you, but unless there are significant additional needs which we are not aware of, your can't put reigns on a school child!

I think you just need to bite the bullet and do it. A baby is portable, won’t fight with an older sibling, won’t move etc. etc. put it in a pram or sling and do what you would normally do with your 4 year old? The 4 year old needs to be firmly told the rules before you leave e.g. hold onto the pram when walking etc. and any misbehaviour nipped in the bud.

Don’t plan “big days out” do some colouring etc together, then a short walk around the block etc to get used to it, next time bit longer or to the play park. You are your 4 year olds world so they’ll just want to hang out with you and baby.