Looking for help with a complex relationship / parenting situation!
I am 48. Children of 11 and 13. Separated though not divorced and still very much all living in one house. Husband is 56.
I have a boyfriend who is finalising his divorce. He’s 62. We have been together several years. This is not an affair. My DH knows, kids have met him, it’s all very open and acknowledged. His children are adults.
Question ks really one of what next. As BF moves towards divorce I would quite like to formalise mine. The vague ish plan is that he buys a place nearby. I would then live between the two houses. Kids and husband stay here for however long.
my question is really one of how best to safeguard my kids interests and wellbeing. I’m sure they would be best served by happy parents living together. But that’s not possible. BF doesn’t want to be stepdad in any real sense and I don’t want to move my kids from their family home. I don’t know whether it’s fanciful to think the two homes plan might work. They would stay with us but it wouldn’t be their home. But I’d want them to feel like they could always be here.
they really are my priority. BF knows this. As such whatever solution is best for them is the right one. But the current living with effectively my ex isn’t great long term.
I should add that I massively out-earn him and he would be unable to live without my contribution. I could possibly afford to live independently but he clueing and I have absolutely no wish to see him in poverty. That’s the main reason we have maintained this living situation for several years.
grateful for input!