Feel like I'm neglecting 2nd baby

[citrouille26]

I have a 2.5 yo and recently had my 2nd baby (10 weeks old). My first is a real chatterbox, was smiling and making sounds by 5 weeks and never stopped. My 2nd spends most of the day and night asleep, is really strong, but is less interested in faces and only occasionally talks / smiles.

My worry is that she's not getting enough attention. My first is so lively and needs so much stimulation, there isn't really much opportunity to sit quietly with my 2nd and play. We're often rushing around and life is much busier this time around. My first doesn't go to nursery so I have them both on my own 6 days a week.

Does anyone have any practical tips that I can try? Or any reassurance that it'll work itself out? It's so hard not to compare when I feel like maybe I'm not doing a good enough job this time around as I'm balancing being a mum of 2.

That's the life of a second/third born baby, they just have to fit in.

Although I wouldn't have managed a 2.5 yr old and a newborn all day 6 days a week. Can you not take advantage of the free hours?

I had my children 18m apart

You don't need to worry I promise.

DD was definitely a neglected second born as DS was a bloody whirlwind. However 4 years later and it doesn't seem to have done her any harm. You only have so much time to give and a 10 week old actually gets loads from just existing in a happy home.

Do you not put your older child into nursery do to cost or is it just personal choice? I had them both at home and loved it but if the funding had been available I would have considered 2 days a week purely so I could spend 1 on 1 time with DD.

Like I said it hasn't harmed her at all she is bright and funny and kind, but I wish I had a little more just me and her time for ME when she was tiny.

Try to remember that throughout history only a small percentage of humans were first born with devoted maternal focus. Most were 2nd, 3rd….10th babies.
Keep doing what you can. Second babies end up with plenty of stimulation in total as they grow up with a sibling and have all of that activity going on, someone to copy etc etc.

Second babies are just along for the ride a bit, but I did have DD1 in nursery for a couple of days, so we had some days just me and baby DD2. That was really important to me as DD1 had plenty of one on one time obviously and I wanted the same with DD2. Perhaps an option if you can afford it or are eligible.

If you can, put DC1 in nursery for a few days a week, so you actually have quality time with DC2? By definition, you have less time with them individually now you have two..

I have a 5yo DD and a 10m old DS. It's really hard. No one warns you how full on two is. You're really early days so give yourself some grace.
I would 100% reccomend a couple of nursery days for the oldest - full days ideally. This will keep you sane.
Baby enjoyed going to toddler classes with us, looking at all the bright colours in the shops, snoozing in the pram in the park etc. The whole world is a sensory experience for them.

I really valued my 2.5 days with just DS and I though - I made sure to do a baby class for him (Sing and Sign ❤️) one day, an exercise class another and the other we just stayed at home/ran errands.

It doesn't seem to have harmed DS - on track developmentally.

It's a very different experience to maternity leave with one!

DD has just started school and I feel like I suddenly have more time for cleaning, playing, baby rhyme time etc. I'm really enjoying my last few months of maternity leave.

All babies are different. My eldest had regular periods of being awake during the day at 5 weeks but generally fed and slept through the afternoon/evening.
My second fed and slept through the morning and early day time and was awake more in the evenings.

Once he was in a more regular nap schedule around 4-5 months he would have his long nap in the morning and shorter ones in the afternoon. My daughter at that age had short naps in the morning and longer nap in the afternoon. My daughter is 6 now and has always been a low sleep needs child, youngest is 12 months and looks to be a high sleep needs child.

Daily routine possibly has contributed. My daughter was at school when he was born so during the school day was when he had calm and my undivided attention so he slept. He is a very sociable baby and when my daughter is home from school and my partner home from work he wants to be awake to play and speak to them

My second also spent most of his time asleep. I think it was (and is) just his personality though. It was ace - we managed to potty train DC1 while DC2 just slept in the pram in the hall the whole time. It doesn't seem to have caused any problems - he gets plenty of attention now he is bigger and noisier.

I feel the opposite. I have a 3 month old and an almost two year old and feel like my first is getting neglected because it's so much effort and time to keep the baby happy-ish. Two year old just wants to play 😢

I don't think you need to be anxious about giving the baby enough attention, it's just the way things are with second-borns (I'm one and DH is a first born, and there's well documented research about the advantage he has had!)

DC1 was 2.5 when she started preschool and that meant I was able to give DC2 some one to one time in the mornings. We didn't have free hours and had to pay but it was worth it to give her the socialisation and to give me a break. It also meant I could do things that you can't do with a toddler in tow, like swimming and baby sensory.