Tell me your alternative success routes for possible ADHD child please?

[Boysboys1]

Hello,
Thanks so much for listening if you find yourself here! I wanted to reach out to fellow parents in the hope of gaining some insight and advice. My son in year 5 is very likely ADHD - he has been referred by the school, doctor and it is diagnosed in his immediate family, but assessment could be months away. The school have put things in place like regular breaks etc but he still refuses nearly every single day. It is now at the point that myself and DH dread the school run and are filled with anxiety. DH has said he feels 'physically sick' about how it will go, as son is defiant, shouts, refuses to walk in and it usually takes 45 mins or so. He is told off a lot at school for his behaviour and as a result doesn't feel encouraged or liked by his teachers.

BUT - when he is not in what can only be described as a 'hyper state' or going to, or at school, he is the most loving, funny, sociable, affectionate boy. He has a wide circle of friends, is very sporty, is very curious, is fairly bright despite not doing homework, is encouraging to his friends, shows resilience and is incredibly brave and determined (slight concern of ADHD risk-taking when it comes to sports!)

My question is - how to we help him navigate school or do we find an alternative path? I have no concerns about a future career, he is so motivated by his passions, works well with others and can speak his views well. But school is proving incredibly difficult for us all and I don't know how many more years we can keep dragging him in - the last thing I want to do is feel like I'm breaking his spirit.

Both of mine (one adhd, one asd) were like this in year 4 and 5, but by year 6 they had hugely reduced the school refusal. Not completely but they'd got better at telling us what was causing the dysregulation and upset. Now at senior they've both settled more. Still have their own issues but it gradually got better. Thankfully their senior schools were very accommodating.

Thanks so much for the reply. Was there anything that helped through year 5? I'm certainly hoping it gets better!

I think the gradual change came about partly as we got better at understanding where the children were anxious/dysregulated, and could improve our response. I decided that school weren't going to force my child in, I would walk them around for up to an hour until they were calm enough to go in, which hugely took the pressure off me feeling stressed by the school!

Saying that, it wasn't all down to parenting. School allowed both children to go in to the sensory room when needed, not straight to class, and in via a side gate rather than the main gate/playground.

Year 5 was a horrible time, I often walked back to the car crying. I can totally relate to the anxiety you and your DH are feeling, it's awful wondering what drop-off will bring and if you're doing the right thing.

Your DS sounds like a really fabulous child with all the attributes that add up to an interesting and kind adult! When it's not a school day, is he able to talk about school, going in and also being there, and say what he does and doesn't like? Sometimes it's something small that overwhelms them so they just can't cope (DS can't stand sitting next to people as he needs to move a lot). A SEN specialist occupational therapist helped my DD a lot with finding things to help her regulate when she was feeling overwhelmed.

Sometimes it that the particular school is wrong for the child.

He is told off a lot at school for his behaviour and as a result doesn't feel encouraged or liked by his teachers.

That's really sad, it sounds as though they have no idea how to help him.