How can I help my six-year-old with anxiety around routine?

[Tiredofitallagain]

DS, just turned 6, is having anxiety attacks, usually related to routine. He is obsessed with things happening a certain way and questions why or tries to justify change to a point where it freezes him.

some examples: my DM called in the morning and we did a video call (she lives abroad), although he was fine on the call, the moment we ended the call, he realised it was 7:50, 5 minutes later than when he puts his uniform on and he panicked. He kept crying that we were going to be late (we never are we have plenty of buffer) and just couldn't immobilise out of his PJs.

Another example, we went out for dinner and he read a sign that said the carpark closes at 11pm. He kept asking what time was dinner and whether we would have enough time to eat, he was panicking that his little brother wouldn't finish his pudding on time. He was so obsessed with the time that when we sat down for dinner he asked the waiter the time they close. He couldn't settle so I had to pretend to call the car park and ask whether they would remain open for us in case we were running late! (we finished dinner at 8pm!)

School did share some concerns about neurodivergence because he is obsessed with landmarks and maps. I work in rare disease so see the more severe side of the spectrum. I just want to know the best way to help him!

I’d be getting him an autism assessment asap and privately if you can to speed things up. I rate SEIK psychiatry who are a jot for profit company.

Make things as predictable as possible, use social stories, calendars/timetables etc. someone will be angling with more in depth advice soon I’m sure.

A not for profit company, that should say. And someone will be along. I really shouldn’t walk and type!

Agree on the autism referral. It sounds like he goes into freeze mode when his nervous system is overwhelmed. Try to keep the schedule as predictable as possible or make him aware in advance if things may not happen the way he is expecting. My 6yo daughter is awaiting an autism assessment and gets very upset if she has an image in her mind of how things are going to go and they dont, so we have to make her aware at least a day in advance if we have to change the schedule or keep things vague like 'we might not be able to do this..or I cant promise we will do x' and then explain why.
At school they give her a visual timetable so she knows what is coming next.

She also has a fixed mindset about rules and points out mistakes or inconsistencies. This can annoy other children she plays with. Her school has referred her for ELSA (emotional literacy lessons) to help her negotiate with others, build teamworking skills and reduce control.

Your son may also benefit from things to calm his nervous system depending on his sensory requirements - he may enjoy weighted blankets, chew toys, fidget spinners etc to ease his anxiety when he is in a nervous state.

Whatever you do, dont make him feel like his anxieties are irrational or that there is something wrong with him. He will already be aware that he is different to others. Explain how his brain may work differently to others and that you want to help him feel calmer.

I think you need to take him to the Gp initially, and see what they suggest, my Dd can be like this she isn't autistic but has a processing disorder, and as a young child , everything had to be to her routine,

Get him on the waiting list for an assessment as soon as possible - the earlier he can access help and support from a professional, the better.

I think processing is definitely an issue. He repeats things over and over and needs answers to questions most days.

I would either, speak to the school this is the route, I took, or speak to your Gp

School were great they referred to an educational psychologist and Occupational therapy.

As well as sorting out a diagnosis you need to start teaching him how to manage his anxiety. Trying to control everything so he never gets anxious won’t help in the long run.
There are lots of resources available on line.
childmind.org/article/what-to-do-and-not-do-when-children-are-anxious/

This is brilliant and just the sort of thing I was looking for.
Thanks