Shy 7yo being perceived as rude

[SparklyHare]

Hi all. My 7yo is quite shy and sensitive, and when she sees friends for play dates or bumps into them unexpectedly it can take her a while to warm up, and she can give the impression of being in a sulk as she doesn’t really respond when they talk to her etc. She describes this as ‘taking time to get used to people.’ When I’m there I try to think of some sort of ice breaker- like if she has a friend over I have a game ready for them to do together e.g. a little treasure hunt, or set them a task to do. Once the ice is broken then she’s completely fine.
She came home from school today saying one of her friends had told her that their parents think my DD is ‘mean and moody’ and DD is feeling very sad about it. I said to her that the people who know her well know she isn’t those things, she definitely isn’t mean and that sometimes when she’s being shy people who don’t know her might wrongly think she’s being moody when she isn’t. I now worry that this is stopping people from inviting her over for play dates etc.
Any advice?

I have one of those as well . A 7 year old boy . It’s so awkward in the mornings when we walk to school and his friends all say hello to him and he just ignores them . He is getting better though . I have just focused on building his confidence and relationships with friends and parents that I know will understand the situation and that won’t judge and honestly don’t worry about the rest of them !

I think you fake it till you make it. Tell her that she can start small by just saying hi to friends she passes and smiling. That's all. No big conversation straight off the bat, just the basics. One word and a smile.
It's hard because it's human nature to feel rejected and rebutted if you talk to someone and don't get an enthusiastic response - these threads are full of similar stories but with adults. So teaching her a basic routine and treating interactions as practice until it feels more natural should help.

Well it is a bit rude if she’s ignoring people. I think I’d just keep demonstrating how to interact with people and encouraging her to speak to people.

My dc1 presented a bit like this with asd. Though she is also very rigid about things too

My nephew is like this, made all the more obvious by DS who is very outgoing, not a bit shy. They get on great together & understand how the other is. Adults do comment on DS cousin’s behaviour. But they comment even more on DS! Encourage your child to keep being just themselves.

Thanks everyone. It’s always a relief to hear we’re not the only ones!! I think starting small and practicing just saying hi is worth a try.