Miserable people on planes and trains!!!!

[Bumdiddley]

I, ds22mo and dd3yo and dh were returning from holiday on Gatwick Express.

Ds decided to have a tantrum 10 mins from Victoria so I stood by the door and tried to placate him eg. toys, sweeties, cuddles, etc.

I noticed a woman come to the door and make a comment. I ignored her cos, well, ds was going muclear. Then, she put her fingers in her ears.

When ds calmed down I asked her to repeat herself. She said "I'm not going to talk to you". I told her " If you don't like travelling with the hoi polloi, don't use public transport" She said something dismissive.

I walked away from her, (absolutely livid) as I as still carrying ds. I started saying to ds (so she could hear) "Aw, bad lady is tired and angry. Poor lady doesn't only wear sunglasses inside, but also has a bad dress sense"

I'm still angry the next day. People on the plane were giving him evils too because he liked to pootle up and down the plane.

I know not everyone will think he's a cherub and I tried to keep him quiet...
You know, I'm not sure where I'm going with this I just needed to write it all down so I can forget about it IYSWIM!

i think the fact that "sunglasses woman" said "i'm not going to talk to you" made the situation escalate
that would've pissed me right off, because it's extremely high-handed, and i've been known to walk/run after people who've tried that with me, and i've made it clear that they're being uncivilised and denying me right o' reply
however, you did let yourself down with the clothing comment, but i guess you were steaming at the time.

Yes! I never think of the right withering put down....If I'd said something clever and witty I wouldn't be here now.

It was the cork wedges..I think they're vile..

Yes but why put her down at all? Why not just apologise?

Apologise for standing next to me, muttering at me and giving me evil looks?

There were three other people in the carriage. I apologised to them as we got off and they all gave me nice smiles!

I would have said to her "You and my child are as bad as each other. Both tired and grumpy and being a horrible person to travel with. However, luckily, my child will grow up and learn manners as he/she gets older......how about you?"

Far better than backhanded comments to others. Far more satisfying in my opinion, because you are unlikely to get anything but a blank stare in response.....

I could well have made the "awww, ignore the grumpy lady" comment myself though. Perhaps not the rest of it.

You should have apologised because YOUR CHILD was behaving badly. No matter that you could not prevent that happening. If you'd just apologised for the disturbance that YOUR CHILD was creating then you would probably have won her over.

I dunno, manners nowadays ....

I don't understand your attitude.

If I were able to catch her eye before she had commented then yes, I would have been apologetic. She did not give me the chance.

It is she who has no manners, no me.

He is 22 months old. Do you spend every second on public transport apologising to people who are deliberately nasty to you?

I don't understand your attitude either actually. I don't know why you think that it's okay for your child to annoy people, and then be abusive to people for expressing their annoyance. Really I don't get it.

My instinct is that if someone expresses their annoyance with me is that "I must have done something to annoy, how can I put that right?"

Your instinct seems to be "My child has annoyed. How very dare someone be annoyed? I am now fully justified in hurling abuse at them"

is that called a wendy circle?

You don't use public transport much do you?

Most of the people on this thread think I was rude to this woman, which I agree to.

Most of them also agree that it's horrible when people are nasty to you when your child is having a wendy . There are also posts on this thread with people who empathise with me.

I don't see how tantrums equal bad behaviour in a 22 month old toddler who OP said had just woken up and is probably tired and fed up from the journey. Perfectly normal. The impossible thing when you travel with children is that a few grumpy people just don't like them unless they sit completely still in their seats. If the noise he was making was happy noise, she might have been just as annoyed.

Thanks FairyMum. Feeling a bit like acrap mummy

I am just imagining the story as told by the other side.

"I was travelling back from my mother's funeral on the Gatwick Express, when suddenly a migraine to end all migraines came on. I was feeling sick and horrible. To make matters worse, there was this noisy and disruptive (and to be brutally honest slightly chavvy) family on the train. The little boy started screaming hysterically. The mother was being pretty ineffective at helping him to calm down. Well I don't think she was trying tbh. The noise was going through me like a drill and I was about to throw up. I thought the best thing to do was try to offer to help calm the little boy down. She ignored me. I had to put my fingers in my ears in the end. When the little boy stopped screaming me, the mother turned on me a la Vicky Pollard, and in a really menacing way said "Say tha' again". The word "bitch" was silent.

I said very calmly that I wasn't prepared to get into an argument or words to that effect, and tottered off, now on the point of throwing up.

The woman scooped up the (now very dirty and bedraggled child) and followed me, shouting slagging me off at the top of her voice. I thought she was going to hit me. I think she was a bit mental tbh.

The post would be headed up AIBU To think that people taking their toddlers on public transport should at least try to manage them?

Oh and I use public transport every day.

Also, I don't bvelieve the posters on here who claim to be able to manage their toddlers behaviour while travelling for a second. I travel with my children on the tube daily and fly about once a month with them. They are probably as "well-behaved" as they come being so used to the routine of using public transport. However, the age between 18 months to 2.5 years is the most difficult age where the average toddler find it difficult to sit still. I also think it depends on how long they have waited to board, how tired they are etc etc Noone can say their child is the perfect traveller.

The main problem with flying is that a lot of people are nervous flyers and very on edge anyway. Add a tantrum from a toddler and they freak. I still remember when my DD was jumping up and down in the aisle in the back of the plane. Not really annoying anyone and the crew even came and danced a little with her. Then suddenly this woman started to freak out and accuse my daughter (maybe 3 years old at the time) of trying to crashland the plane!I kid you not!

fairymum, that was me!
nah, it wasn't, but for 1 split second id've thought it and then dismissed it as being ridiculous
you're right about air travel - i'm the world's worst flier, but am lucky enough to be able to think "oooh, that kid's upset - maybe if i pull silly faces and offer him a book/piece of paper/whatever, it'll take my mind off my own (barely subdued) panic
i dunno what the answer is, except for a disarming apology to any tutters, then at least you've done the right thing, followed by a snappy put-down if they persist or become rude.

Sometimes no matter how hard it is, children have to sit still and behave. On public transport it is their parents duty to entertain them and manage their behaviour so that they do not disturb other passengers. Other passengers have just as much right to a peaceful journey.

Or course, toddlers do have tantrums but it is our job to make them as undistruptive to others as possible. When did it become okay for children to behave as they wish. I hate badly behaved children on planes and trains. It is my responsibility to ensure my children learn how to behave and how to respect people around them.

when we flew with my dd some time ago when she was about 18months she had a hissy fit just before take off because she had to be strapped to me and not allowed her own seat, i tried everything but she wouldnt calm its was awful despite knowing as soon as she could have the belt off shed have her own seat and toys etc and would be as happy as pie (which she wa,s not a peep the rest of the flight)
the people around me where nice, some tried talking to her and smiling and i was quite grateful and apologised apart from one witch from hell who snarled "just give the kid some calpol" i was and nearly exploded with rage! er drug my child despite her not being remotely ill but a very independant young lady her wants her own way? fuming i was!

Bloody hell, when are you lot going to start writing your parenting books and change the world!

Honestly I can't believe some of the comments on here...perhaps you think the child should have been taught a lesson?

Mmm I know, throw them off the train!

Most kids have tantrums...if yours doesn't/didn't then you are one of the lucky ones.
Some tantrums can be averted, some can't.

If you don't like the public part of public transport and the fact that you are going to encounter "small people who have tantrums" then don't travel on it...

Blimey is this still going on - I was thinking in my meeting about how funny it would be if the other woman came on and put her side of it ! And lo - quattro thought the same.

It's not really about the child or his behaviour in my opinion - it's about the way the OP dealt with it - and she has admitted many times that she was rude - so that's it really !

six of one and half a dozen of the other !

kitty - your 18 mo was complaining because she wasn't getting her own way. Your 'witch' could have been frightened, airsick, had a migraine etc and to top it off she had to listen to your child.

If you're going to allow your child some leeway, allow other people some leeway too.

listen uriel the plane was 5mins pre take off she'd already been apologised to and it was explained to everyone that she'd shut up the minute she was back in her chair which she duly did, i make a point of apologising to anyone that "has to listen to my child" and to be perfectly frank whenever ive had to listen to anyone elses screaming child i have most certainly never snarled at them to drug them as a means of controlling them so yes she was a witch.

witchypoo witchypoo witchypoo

actually kilty that would have annoyed me too. It's awful trying to get a tantruming toddler strapped into a seat, knowing that the plane could be delayed if you don't.

A I find some stewards not particularly helpful. One airline wouldn't let me breastfed my dd during take off and landing - it was midnight and we'd had a three hour delay at the airport, so we were all quite stressed, and they just added to my stress.

i wouldnt have minded tutting or shushing i can understand in that environment its awful ive been on both sides but to bitchily say just give her some calpol because of a tantrum? its not on...in my try and be polite to everyone book
how many times can you apologise? not enough, evidently!

Not at all in some cases