Miserable people on planes and trains!!!!

[Bumdiddley]

I, ds22mo and dd3yo and dh were returning from holiday on Gatwick Express.

Ds decided to have a tantrum 10 mins from Victoria so I stood by the door and tried to placate him eg. toys, sweeties, cuddles, etc.

I noticed a woman come to the door and make a comment. I ignored her cos, well, ds was going muclear. Then, she put her fingers in her ears.

When ds calmed down I asked her to repeat herself. She said "I'm not going to talk to you". I told her " If you don't like travelling with the hoi polloi, don't use public transport" She said something dismissive.

I walked away from her, (absolutely livid) as I as still carrying ds. I started saying to ds (so she could hear) "Aw, bad lady is tired and angry. Poor lady doesn't only wear sunglasses inside, but also has a bad dress sense"

I'm still angry the next day. People on the plane were giving him evils too because he liked to pootle up and down the plane.

I know not everyone will think he's a cherub and I tried to keep him quiet...
You know, I'm not sure where I'm going with this I just needed to write it all down so I can forget about it IYSWIM!

Why do some parents seem to find it impossible to control their children's behaviour?

Honest question - is it that you're afraid of upsetting them? If so, they're going to have a hard landing later in life, and discipline should start early (not talking about hitting them or anything, just a stern word did it for mine.)

How can you 'control' a tantrum?

Surely most would agree that there is nothing more annoying than "Other People's Children" when travelling regardless of how good or bad your own might be

In the circumstance I think your reaction was a bit OTT and didn't set a very good example for your children to follow in future. The woman in question might well have had an awful day and was looking forward to a peaceful journey home only to be confronted with a screaming out of control toddler which was maybe the last straw for her.

I wouldn't say it to you because you, as a mother, would not stand next to a woman with a tired, screaming toddler and mutter sarcy comments. (I assume)

I agree with you on your last comment scatterbrain

The dc behaved for 90% of a 7 hour journey. He screamed for about 5 mins at the end of a journey and SHE came to stand next to US.

I was rude, yes.

mumblechum - discipline an upset, tired child?? I do know when to discipline and when to placate my own child. But what you do with yours is up to you...

I said it infront on one 22mo. I didn't swear and used a sing, songy voice.

Anyway, this has been most cathartic thank you for your opinions.

If your toddler is having a total meltown, then its nothing you can do to control it. It has nothing to do with teaching discipline or behaviour. Its a tantrum. No more and no less. PMSL at stern word will sort it out

um, mumblechum, you cannot control a tantruming toddler.

Am I the only person who doesn't get annoyed by other people's crying or tantruming kids?

I figure, if I get annoyed, then my journey will be 'ruined'. If I don't get annoyed, then my journey won't be ruined. We all have that choice we can make.

Thanks FairyMum. You've got it spot on!

Would you like DS, OMDB? I am currently sporting a black eye from his last tantrum and could do with a bit of help

mumblechum - it says on your profile that you don't have any children...

No - but you don't have to be RUDE !!! That's my point !

OK - your child kicked off - some grumpy cow huffed and tutted - what you do is IGNORE HER and carry on looking after your child !! What you do not do is BE RUDE back !!

She may have been a mum - and maybe just maybe she had a crappy day too - when I am on the train coming home from work I want to sit in silence and think about nothing much -the last thing I would want is to hear a tantrumming child, although I could cope with that much more than being muttered about and called badly dressed etc.....

You are right. I should have ignored her. What FairyMum said!

Yes, I have a 13 yr old and have done a lot of voluntary work with young children.

I much rather sit next to a screaming kicking child than listen to someone having a very personal comversation/gossip on their mobile. I think children generally get a really hard time for just behaving like children.

Your child was misbehaving and causing other passengers discomfort

A lady comes and says something and you ignore her

She is annoyed and sticks her fingers in her ears

You insult and abuse her by making vile comments

Nice.

Preserve me from ever having to travel with you and yours on a train.

I'm terrified now, will be travelling with 2 under three on 7 hour flight, then another two connecting flights at the other end. We'll be over 14 hours travelling altogether, plus getting to Heathrow and waiting there for three hours. God I'm dredding it.

What is the 'right' thing to do when your little ones cry/wriggle/tentrum/run around on a plane? I can't just strap them to a seat, surely. And I'm not going to 'discipline' them no way, if I was a passanger I'd prefer to see a toddler walking and running about rather than a stroppy parent shouting at her children!!

What's the accepted way of dealing with this?

Occupy and Distract !!! You need a bag full of bits and bobs and a head full of ideas !!

AND - big difference between you taking your toddler for a walk round the plane and letting them run up and down the aisle !

Quattrocentro - ummmm. That's not quite how it went.

Ds is in my arms having a tantrum NOT misbehaving, by the doors of the train.

SHE came to stand NEXT TO ME.

I accept I was rude.

Do I deserve your bile? No.

I think a certain amount of wriggling and running is inevitable, as long as your child and other passengers are safe ( I wouldn't let DS run around a crowded train for eg). Concentrate on minimising the noise: distraction, toys and outright bribery (choc buttons work well for us as a last resort )

Forgot to say - last week I was on train back from work and small child was clearly bored and started building up to a tantrum - mum was chatting on mobile so I started pulling faces and waving to child to distract her !! Her mum noticed me entertaining her child and turned round and told me to f* off and stormed out of the carriage child stuffed under arm and crying - she meanwhile continued gossiping on her phone.

BlueberryPancake - See my post at:12:04:07

Ds behaved for 90% of the journey there and back! It was the middle 5 mins when he was tired!! We had a 40 minute tube journey when he was perfectly behaved.

Maybe when she said she wasn't talking to you she meant the comment wasn't aimed at you. Even if the comment was aimed at you, maybe she shouldn't have made it but it really isn't any fun being stuck with someone else's screaming child in a confined space.

And I don't get this notion that children should just be allowed to run up and down aeroplanes and trains - you wouldn't let them sit unrestrained and leaping around in the back seat of a car so why should public transport be any different. People just need to learn to control their children imo.

Message withdrawn

Ah. In your world, tantrums are not misbehaving. Why not? Are they not causing discomfort to other passengers? Of course they are.

There is an irony in the question about undeserved bile.

I personally don't appreciate children misbehaving on public transport. Very few people do actually. We all realise that it is inevitable occasionally, and try to be supportive when it happens. But we should all also acknowledge that it causes discomfort to other travellers.

Parenthood is not a divine right to disturb, annoy, or come to that insult other passengers, is it?

i hate kids on public transport

ok they have to travel ....i suppose.

i think they should have cages