Nine-year-old currently prefers dad and I am finding it hurtful

[Cocomandarin]

My 9 year old prefers being with her dad to me at the moment. I get it, they have similar interests etc.

however I’m finding it hurtful. I’m very thoughtful and organise every occasion, holiday, day out etc. my husband is amazing but his strengths are not in running our family life. At times when it hurts I feel a bit like not doing it anymore and letting him organise stuff because I don’t get much thanks.

I feel a little like I literally create a life in which they can enjoy time together. I am struggling with the fact that she a) doesn’t realise that and b) kind of doesn’t want to do much with me despite my efforts. Yesterday I took her out for the day to a water park, we had a great time. But today she has asked if her dad can take her today (obviously it’s a no, it was expensive). I know it’s because she wants to share this with him too. but it still hurts.

i usually am very matter of fact and brush it off as ok dad is favourite and it’s fine, almost funny sometimes. But I am a stay at home mother and I’m eating humble pie 😂 any words of wisdom?

I’d love it if my children were that close to their dad, he sounds like an amazing father. It doesn’t sound like she doesn’t love you or is unappreciative. I also think it’s a little unrealistic for a 9 year old to constantly remember to thank you for stuff that you do for them. I’ve just spend an entire week and a lot of 💰 completely remodelling and furnishing my 10 year olds bedroom. I didn’t even get a thank you for that 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’ve also just seen you’re a stay at home mum, if you’re there constantly and she sees less of dad, then activities with him will be a bit of a novelty

So if your child prefered you then you would be perfectly fine and wouldnt think this wasn't good for theit father?

I just want any child of mine to be content and happy no matter how that is

Does your Dp explain to your DD what you do. I have the big ideas but invariably my DW completes the plan I try I am not hopeless she’s just good at it. When the lads are thanking me I always outline exactly what mum has done and that we wouldn’t be doing it without her. Could easily play the magic dad that does it all but it’s plainly not true.

They also regularly tell me they love mum more 😂

I agree with this. I get the hurt but I find it strange read on here that some mums have some expectations that they must be the favoured parent because they've chosen to be a stay at home parent and that said children must have some awareness of everything that the mum does and show continual gratitude for it.

I'm not saying raise ungrateful brats of course but it was you, not your child who made the choice to be a stay at home parent. Your daughter isn't responsibile for your feelings.

Your child is allowed to have a the relationship she wants with each parent. She's 9, of course shes going want to be with the fun parent more!

I was a daddies girl and loved spending time with my dad. He worked a lot in the week but did a lot with us on weekends and holidays. He was more fun than my mum, more adventurous, less fussing and telling us to be careful, did more physical stuff like climbing trees, walks on the common, skimming stones, going swimming etc. My mum was a good mum and looked after us but she didn't really play with us!

If you're a stay at home mum and organise everything, why not take a bit of a step back and let dad do some of the organising? Have you thought about going back to work, at least part time and having that time for yourself? Maybe if your daughter sees you not being just mum who's always there doing everything, she'll appreciate it a bit more?