Newborn advice

[KindOtter]

I have a 5 week old baby girl and these 5 weeks have been incredibly difficult. I have a lot going on personally in my life without considering the hormones and the adjustment, I won’t go into details. My girl doesn’t seem to settle in the evenings/night, I have tried everything, feeding her, changing her, cuddling her, rocking her, dummy, etc if you can think of it I’ve probably tried it but everytime I put her down whether it be straight away or after 5 minutes she starts crying so I have to start the whole process all over again. I’ve brought one of those automatic rocking machines that has a crib and bouncer chair attachment, she settles beautifully in the chair even though it looks like she’s still laying down but the crib she wakes up.
I don’t know what to do; I can’t keep her in the chair and I can’t hold her all night but that’s the only way for me to get any rest at night. I have a 2 and half year old boy to which I have wake up too and entertain all day so it’s not like I can sleep throughout the day when she sleeps.

I could really do with some advice on what to do because I don’t want to put her in danger in any kind of way but I also need to get some rest.

oh and one more thing I am currently battling a cold my boy gave me which I think my girl has now caught as she’s starting to sound a little more congested and has started coughing a little so she likes being propped up slightly I think it helps her breathe although she’s always preferred being propped up slightly than laying down.
any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance

Have you a partner who could do a few nights to give you some respite? No sleep is such torture and high risk for PND

My son was an awful sleeper. I got a white noise machine and found that if I had him in bed with me he slept for longer periods. However, I was worried about co-sleeping and so I put him in the top right corner of the bed and I slept on the left side but further down the bed so that my head was level with his legs. He could still sense I was there and I could put my hand on his feet or legs, but I wasn’t going to roll over onto him this way. I had a light blanket for myself and a baby blanket over him

Hello!

Firstly congratulations - secondly the first few weeks postpartum are the hardest of your life. IT WILL GET EASIER - as you know from your first but your current stage, especially with another - is relentless.

Do you have a partner? Get them involved if at all possible.

Research the lullaby trust and try co sleeping if baby was born at full term (over 37 weeks) and also a few other factors. Saved me with my babies. It's temporary to ensure you both sleep. It's safe.

Please don't fall asleep with baby in an armchair. It's higher risk.

Sending hugs because I've been where you are and it's hard. This too shall pass.

Hi! Oh bless you, this sounds so tricky. My first was just like this. It is quite normal and I think typically settles down a little between 6 weeks and 12 weeks. Co-sleeping saved my sanity at night (look up safe sleep seven to make sure you’re mitigating risks) alongside baby wearing in the day. I just leaned into it and accepted mine would be on me for the first few months basically.

what about you? Have you got any support? Is anyone looking out for you? It can be a very lonely time, sending strength x

In all honestly, all of mine wanted to sleep on my chest so I sat upright with pillow under each arm for the first couple of weeks. Then I lay them next to me in bed (slept alone in a super king bed) did lots of side feeding - this was a game changer. And eventually she stopped sleeping on me and then transferred to next fo me. My first baby in particular needed to hear me breathing and smell me the most, it did pass though I promise

Sending you love as I have a 3 yr old and a 12 week old and those first weeks are so tough! My little girl is definitely fussier than my 3 yr old and can be like that in the evenings too - witching hour they call it

What is your baby like during the day? How is she feeding? Mine both were very sickly and unsettled - switching to reflux milk helped loads. Im out of the worst of it now but I know exactly how you feel xx

Thank you everyone who has commented.

i don’t have a partner anymore, we broke up just before she was born so I am handling a toddler and a newborn alone, I have my mother to help but she still works full time so I try not to get her help until I really need it and I don’t have anyone else to help.

I have a super king bed to myself too.

my first was nothing like this, in all honesty he was a golden baby/child, he was sleeping through the night from one month old and I never had any issues with him settling/sleeping in his basket. I mean he’s not really been overly difficult in any aspect of life YET.
So this is all new to me and I feel like I’m failing or at least just learning all over again

Have you considered safe co-sleeping. With my first I couldn’t co-sleep and one of the things I used to do was make sure her bedding smelt of me and was warm when I put her down so while feeding I used to put her moses mattress in the bed with me to keep warm and smell of me. When I put her down I’d keep my hand on her chest and very gradually take my hand away. It seemed to help her remain sleeping and get past the transition.

I had one who woke up when we tried to put them down to sleep but loved the baby chair.
Turns out they had silent reflux things that helped.
When they were having last feed and falling asleep one of us would lie on sheet for the crib then just before we put them down popped it back on the mattress this mean it was warmer than a cold mattress and smelt of us.
But the real hame changer was.safely tilting the crib so they were sleeping on a slight incline.
Keeping them upright as much as possible in the day helped to and also winding them.for.longer than first burp.
New born days with a toddler in tow are hard. Remember there is no harm.in a few.sofa.snuggles and some TV with the whilst baby feeds/ sleeps on you.

You've got this!
You said you were holding for 5 minutes. I found when I moved him after 15 mins I got a better rate of success, I think he got into a deeper sleep. I was often struggling to stay awake myself,but then I got a better block of sleep.

You are NOT failing. There is no way of knowing what each individual baby needs without trial and error.

Just here for the handhold OP, and to say that you are definitely not failing. Co-sleeping is the only thing that saved my sanity. I was terrified. Would I roll over onto him? Would the duvet slip down and suffocate him?

But the anxiety was so much worse when I hadn’t slept, so I just did safe co-sleeping and was very aware and careful and it saved my sanity

You're right that you can't use the rocking chair whilst you are asleep yourself, it's not safe. Unless you have a reason not to (smoker, medication etc) I'd set up a safe cosleeping arrangement in your bed. It's entirely normal for newborns to want to be on/near you, she was inside your body until recently. It's much safer to have a planned cosleeping arrangement than you fall asleep on the sofa whilst holding her. Can your mum have your son at the weekend so you can nap in the day?

You're not failing, I'd say your first was unusual in settling so well, and your new baby is typical!

You’re not failing, this is what many newborns are like your DS was an unusually good sleeper. There may not be much you can do about it right now as she’s still so young and in the 4th trimester where she just needs you. But you do need to get some help so you can get some rest, could your mum come at the weekend and stay with baby for an evening shift so you can get a few hours uninterrupted sleep?