How do you manage to stay organised with older dc in term time?

[Maybeshesbornwithitmaybeitssertraline]

We've just enjoyed 6 weeks off school/college/uni with the dc. Now most of them have gone back, just dc2 at home for another 10 days.

Now we are back in the stress of taking them to and from various places and different times, supervising homework and trying to fit dinner in as well, before getting them to bed. Yesterday my inlaws told me (not asked) that they were coming to take us out for dinner later in the week and I was just thinking please don't. My BIL asked me last weekend what I was going to do with all this free time I'm supposedly getting now but I don't see much free time.

Is there a way of managing this better or am I just incapable?

Scale back.
Children don't have to do stuff every day or being ferried around all the time.

How many do you have and ages. The college and uni ones you don't have to supervise homework or ferry them about as they are old enough to catch a bus or train and don't need to be got to bed. Even if they are at secondary you don't need to supervise homework they should be organising themselves at that age.

How many dc and how old are they? What's your working pattern?

How old are they? Two secondary DC here and we don’t “get them to bed”, they head up at 9 or 10 depending on ages and sort themselves out. We also don’t supervise homework beyond checking what they need to do on the app and asking if they’ve done it. They do activities 2-3 days a week, we do quicker dinners on those days or eat later depending on how we’re feeling. They get a lift to school but make their own way home as we’re both working. It feels manageable. Maybe something needs scaling back?

Family calendar which the DC are responsible for putting their activities and plans in (preferably after checking with us first, but if they at least check the calendar and see nothing already there, they can get an inkling that it's ok). if it's not in the calendar then don't assume it can/will happen. This also helps to plan things like when everyone will be in the house at the same time for dinner (or if you have to leave a plate aside to be reheated).

With older children you can leave them to themselves and don't need to do things like supervise homework. This frees up a lot of time. Also make sure they are taking on a share of chores. Basically, if they are old enough to do something themselves, then at least think about whether they do it themselves. For example, I do the household's washing as I think it's more efficient but the DC strip and make their own beds and wash their own bedding and towels.

But yes, I think the ferrying everywhere stage and not being in control of organising everything is very difficult!

Yeah. I hear you. I feel the same at the moment. I have 4, aged between 7 and 14.

I deal with it by having everything in a Google calendar with alerts for me AND on a paper calendar on the kitchen wall. I try hard to keep on top of everyone's schedule (and my own) but I also expect the 9, 12 and 14 year olds to check and respond to their own schedules - eg it is THEIR responsibility to remember to do homework and music practice, and remember what time their sports practice is, check the night before if they have clean kit/pack school bag night before etc... Obviously I will be trying to remember and facilitate, but I make it clear that if I forget to remind them, it is NOT an excuse for it not happening!

I don't supervise homework after age 6, but I do random spot checks sometimes to see if it's been done, and I am always available to help, but they have to ask me.

Also, we are lucky enough to live in a place where they can cycle to most of their activities by themselves, which helps a lot.

How old are “older DC”? Why are you getting them to bed?

Same as I manage everything else, like work and I have several chronic illnesses so lots of hospital appointments.

I maintain a paper diary and everything is written down in there, work, personal, kids all in one spot. I take it with me wherever I go, so I can add anything or make notes.

I set reminders on my phone for anything time sensitive. Like tonight I need to remember to sort out ingredients for food tech tomorrow for my eldest. That’s set as a reminder rather than written in my diary. Because I absolutely cannot forget to do it. Same with days they need PE kit. It’s set as a rolling 7am reminder on my phone for PE days.

I have no trouble saying no. No one would tell me they were coming to visit me, but if they did, I’d be fine saying no, sorry, I’m busy. Or Dh also meets up with his family without me. We don’t need to travel as a unit.

Also, it sounds silly, but you may need to get busier. Do you work? As they say, if you want something done, ask a busy person. It’s easy to drop into slow motion when you don’t really have much going on. You may actually find you find it easier to get everything done when you’re more busy.

Thank you. Dc are aged 20, 18, 15, 13 and 12. 12 year old has asd and the 15 year old has adhd. Only the 12 year old needs putting to bed but the 13 and 15 year old need to be reminded to go, told when to have showers etc. They don't really do many activities each but when you have 5 dc it's a lot and the timings are usually awkward.

Younger 3 do music lessons once a week. Eldest works shifts when he is at home with meal breaks at weird times so will often come home at 8pm having not had dinner. Thankfully nobody at college this year but has been for the last 4 years and will be again next year. College is open 9-5 and classes start and finish at all different times. Dc3 is in the school play so has rehearsals several nights a week. Younger 2 are in a sports team at school. Dh works from home so fairly flexible but has 3 evening meetings a week. I am a sahm but volunteer sometimes. I know we chose to have 5 dc but they are all really close together in age so dc1 was only 8 when dc5 was born. Back then we only had 2 lots of music lessons to deal with.

We have a family calendar which everyone has to write their stuff in. Yesterday dc3 had rehearsals until 5:30, then younger 3 to music lessons. We ended up eating McDonalds at 8pm which I would rather not do regularly.

In terms of the eldest, put his late shifts on your calendar and plate up an "easy to heat up" meal that day, that he just puts in the microwave when he gets back. Then nothing extra for you to do.

It sounds like yesterday was a tough day, but not every day is like that (and presumably the school play doesn't have so many rehearsals year round?).

Can you share lifts with other parents and/or let your DC make their own way? I can see if you have more than one place to go in the 5-8 type period it becomes very difficult. And put at least the older DC in charge of cooking one meal each a week to take that pressure off you.