Birthday party etiquette for inviting boarding school friends as a day pupil

[CheeseToast17]

Party etiquette when some school friends are borders? We’ve just moved and child is at new prep school as a day pupil, but some of her friends board.

She has been party planning for her birthday but what is the etiquette for inviting boarding friends? Do we hold the party on a Sunday so we can drop them at school later that day? Do I offer to have them overnight? Child has no idea where her friends are based but assures me it requires many motorways to get to school!

Do I send some sort of “business card” with my personal details prior to sending party invites?

We have a bit of time in the schedule to plan ahead so any advice greatly appreciated.

I'd ask her housemistress what would work best. There will be a usual way of doing it.

My prep boarder was invited to parties at some of the day kids houses and it was mostly organised by the housemistress. Or the parent would find my name in the school WhatsApp directory and send me a message and I’d liaise with the house parents. The houseparent would email me and copy party parents in so we at least had each other’s details.

Usually the party parents would pick up and drop off any boarding kids at whatever time suited them and the school would make it work. I’d have been happy to organise a taxi or a lift though if party parents couldn’t collect.

My daughter would also give me instructions on what to buy as a present and I’d order from Amazon to the school so she could take a gift for her buddy.

I’m always happy if a sleepover is offered as my daughter loves them but equally it’s not expected and she’s happy to go back to the boarding house.

I honestly can’t remember what I would have done (I was a day pupil at an 80% boarding school), but assuming she is prep age, I’d send her in with invites same as you always would and let the parents contact you to work out the details.

I assume you mean they 5 day board so go home on weekends and come back on Sunday or Monday? I would just find out when they go back (this may involve asking the school, house parents or something) and coordinate for then. If it’s Sunday evenings, then yes, a Sunday afternoon. If they don’t even see their dc all week, surely they can drive them around to parties at the weekend even if it’s an hour drive. My only concern is because they have so little family time maybe they will decline a party (but maybe I’m overestimating how much time some parents actually want to spend with their children 😂).

My kids are day pupils and have friends who board.

For us the normal approach is:

• full boarders who stay at school over weekends - we ask their house master whether the child can come to the party, and if they can then we have to collect them and return them to school, they don’t have enough staff to take individual kids to places. I always add that the housemaster is welcome to pass on my contact details to the parents if they would like to speak to me first.
• flexi/weekly boarders who are usually home on weekends - we ask their parents, or if we don’t have their details then we give the kid a paper invite to pass on. Sometimes those parents have been able to bring them, sometimes their kids have chosen to stay at school that weekend as well so they can come to the party.

But probably as a starting point, especially if you’re not sure whether those kids board at the weekend, you’re best off asking the house master.