Parents don’t help me with childcare

[champagneblonde90]

I have 2 daughters - a toddler (2y 8m) & newborn & I’m a SAHM & really ever since my first was born my parents have never really been there to help.
like they’ll come visit & stuff but don’t ever help with the kids at all, just sit there expect to be waited on & expect me to do everything makes them teas, lunches etc. AND do all the kids stuff as well while they just sit there on the sofa watching TV.

I find it odd as my husbands parents are the complete opposite & do everything to help us, play with kids feed them, make the teas lunches bring stuff etc. even take my 2 yo once a week. ask if I wanna go for a shower wash my hair, go for walk etc. while they look after them.
my parents would and never have once offered to do this.. I don’t think it would ever cross their mind to even ask.
I don’t know if it’s that they don’t want to or just don’t think to ask..

Maybe they think cos I’m a SAHM I should be able to cope on my own as they do a lot for my older sisters cos they work - do school runs, take them out for days out bearing in mind they’re similar age to my kids. (1 is the same age!)
but for some reason they never wanna help me.. just happy to let me struggle even when they can see struggling. 😔

also they’re both retired and have a lot of free time so it’s not as if they’re working or don’t have much time on their hands..
they also both live on their own (divorced)

Am I being unreasonable or expecting too much of them to help a little??

Why don't you invite the Pils at the same time as your parents? And shower them with praise : "You are amazing, thank you so much for doing xyz. I don't know what I would do without you". Maybe that's a wakeup call to parents?

Well it would be nice for them to spend time with their grandchildren but I don’t think you can say that you “need” help in the same way that your sisters do. They couldn’t do their jobs without childcare. Your DP‘s involvement is essential, not a nice-to-have.

And you have tonnes of help from your in-laws, much more than most people.

I assume that they’re looking at it from that perspective - that you don’t need help - so if you do ask them to get more involved I would frame it differently. Ie say that you want to make sure they have a good bond with your DC, or you want to see more of them etc.

You don’t work and your sisters do that’s a fundamental difference

perhaps they read mumsnet and know that us grandparents very often get flamed for wanting to help as it's seen as interfering amd are waiting to be asked

as is quite often said on here use your words and ask for help if it's needed

I think after what’s happened to poor little Noah Woods has put this thread in perspective for me..

Thanks for everyone’s feedback.

I think your post seems less about childcare and more about them simply not being helpful people when they come round. I wouldn’t dream of visiting anyone’s house, regardless of if they had children or not, and not offering some help – making tea, setting table, washing up. Rather than just sitting there expecting the world to revolve around me. Rude.

Yes I agree with pp they shouldn’t expect to be waited on. Can’t you wash your hair and shower when the kids are in bed or your other half is around?

And you’ve painted yourself in an even worse light with this tone deaf comment.

The last thing you need at that life stage is extra work/ people wanting to be waited on. Reduce the invites, reduce the pressure on yourself.

What are you talking about. She just brought up the death of a child randomly out of the blue in her thread…there was absolutely no reason for her to do it and it just screams ‘me me me, how can I make it about me’

The nasty response has been yours here I’m afraid.

im also editing so I can justify my first post that you’ve taken offense to.

The OP complains that her child’s grandparent does not look after her child. But then compared that to poor Noah who was lost when being looked after by a grandparent. It doesn’t take much to see that saying that at least you aren’t in that situation, is very tone deaf and inappropriate.

I haven’t seen what the OP said after my comment because it was deleted, but as my comment wasn’t I can only assume that people/MNHQ also realise that it was tone deaf and inappropriate and we should not be bringing he Noah Wood situation into conversation so casually.

Oh dear. Genuinely, I think you need to get some fresh air and fresh perspective, I do wish you well, but your comments are just beyond out of line now.

They help with your sisters kids because like you say they work so your parents help with school runs, you don’t need help with school runs because you’re a SAHM.

Wow. What an incredibly self centred thing to say.

I don’t know, whilst I don’t think parents should expect childcare from grandparents there is something grating about visitors (parents, siblings, in laws etc) coming around when you have a v young kids under the pretence of helping and expecting to be waited on, made lunch, brought cups of tea, snacks etc. All that does is increase the burden on the parent

It is very odd that they don’t play with the children or make their own drinks !

Neither do mine. I would expect them too either