How can I help my son feel better about his skin colour?

[Hellobell]

Hi,

I need some help, a child made a comment to my 6yr old child about the colour of his skin, he’s half Italian and has a lovely tanned skin, the one we spend hours in the sun to get but it’s actually really bothered him, this said child said he dosnt like people with brown skin and I don’t like you because that’s what you have (it was raised to the school and has been dealt with)

now he’s been saying over the summer I hate myself and I ask him why he’s saying that and he says because of my skin colour, then on another occasion a person said what a handsome boy you are and I noticed his face change I asked if he was ok and he said I’m not handsome I’m ugly look at my skin it’s yukky 😔 and on holiday this summer we took a selfie together and he said yuk look at how horrible my skin is, im at a loss as i really don’t want this to affect him long term.

im always telling him he’s beautiful, he really is absolutely beautiful and im so so proud of him and i always tell him just how much I love him but I feel as if it’s not working and I’m not sure how or what to say.

Kids can be so nasty. He’s learned that behaviour from someone hasn’t he.
How sad for your ds.

If it was my ds I’d show him pictures of tanned people.
Do you have a holiday planned for this year?
if it’s somewhere hot I’d be pointing out the hordes of people sunbathing and saying they are all trying to get skin the same as his because it looks healthy to have brown skin.

Go into town and show him the tanning salons and lotions and potions that alter skin colour, while reassuring him that it’s not all about looks.

I hope one day he realises that we are the way we are.

He seems to be an incredible little boy and hopefully you can build his confidence by teaching him that it’s ok to not be liked by everyone. Ask him if he likes every one in his class or school even and if he says no get him to tell you why not. Maybe you can build on that and make him see that we all have different reasons for disliking someone and as long as we aren’t rude to people we are allowed to have differences.

My sister has mixed race DCs and DGC, her first DH was Indian,and they are stunning looking people who have been through something similar but now have the confidence and experience to just ignore any hurtful racist comments

A lot of the comments stemmed from the green eyed monster but over the years they have built up an amazing friendship group with people from all backgrounds. They all seem to rub along together and I wish the same for your beautiful DS.

With encouragement and support from you I m sure he will.

you sound like an amazing DM op. 🫂

My child is mixed race, and we’re having this. It’s awful how cruel kids can be

So sorry, this sounds difficult. Can you get some race affirming books for him? There’s lots out there or watching a show which has lots of diverse people and discuss it together perhaps not focusing on the colour of the characters skin per se, but ‘wow look how strong and brave he/she was!’ Etc.

First thing I would do is to investigate further. If my son had such a strong reaction I would be wondering whether there is more going on at school than the single comment you are aware of.

In terms of dealing with it though, make sure he is around people with all different skin colours, especially people like him. And that he is seeing it in his life, so that he knows how normal it is.

I also wouldn't be against showing him some very handsome tanned italian celebrities to prove the point that tanned skin isn't considered ugly.

Can you get some race affirming books and meet and hang out with other children with beautiful different skins. I was very little as a child and I recall to this day a horrid child chasing me round the playground asking if I was a midget. These incidents cut deep.

Point out the tanning shops in your local area and explain people want to look like him and it's not just women, but men.