Am I a terrible parent?

[Firfely]

So I’m a parent to a 6YO darling son. I get up with him every morning and have done without fail, I also put him to bed every night - apart from the very odd night away me and my wife have. She has 2 older children - one lives with us (18) and one lives with dad (21).

the last 12-18 months he has been a little terror, hitting, slapping, swearing (no doubt picked up from his sister). Every now again my wife will put him to bed and he is a gem for her. Me on the other hand it’s a constant battle and I then get told how I should be doing it (after he finally sleeps). Much of this I am already doing but she just sits downstairs and lets it happen.

im starting to think im just a terrible parent, plays up for me but not her, we both have the same boundaries, yet im made to feel like im doing it all wrong because this is my first. I love him to bits but it’s really starting to affect me and I don’t know what to do. I know he loves me too but there’s only so much being slapped in the face I can take at bed time.

any advice please before.

You’re not a terrible parent at all. My kids are 5 and 7. My daughter will got to bed like an absolute dream for her dad where as she’ll have me there for hours on end.

He's probably a gem for her because of the novelty. No point her offering a running commentary after the fact- I'd nip that in the bud if I were you. I do agree with her "letting it happen" if you're the one putting him to bed no point her butting in. But why do you do all the bedtimes? I'd suggest taking turns.

No parent is perfect. I would try to observe the whole day and look for what happens just before the behaviour. By triggers, I mean things that might set it off or make him want to behave that way.
For example, what are you saying or commenting on before it happens? Do you ban or limit something he really likes? What games does he play or what videos does he watch? Is there something happening between the parents of his friends, or other children that he might be noticing?
He might see certain behaviour and think it’s cool, so he wants to copy it. Or maybe something is bothering him or is important to him, and this is how he reacts to it. I would spend a week observing and making a few notes about what happens before and after the behaviour. This might help you notice a pattern and understand what is triggering it.