Five year old repeatedly soiling on the floor and outside, advice?

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My five year old (six soon) has taken to soiling on the floor and outside.

It has been going on a while but restarted. I started noticing it this summer - poo outside. I really told him off and thought it had stopped. Then the other night he pooed in a potty (there is a younger child, it isn’t his potty) and it went everywhere and urine too. I did tell him off but thought it was silliness rather than sort of deliberate behaviour but then yesterday he pooed on the floor of the lounge when I was putting the toddler to bed. I went absolutely mad and I thought that was the end to it. Then he pooed outside again when we came home from an outing.

I am absolutely lost. I am fairly sure it’s behavioural but I really don’t know what to think at this stage.

Oh and I’m really not a troll … I kind of wish I was but I do need to ask about this and don’t want to use Facebook groups as to be honest I’m mortified.

Could someone be abusing him outside of the home? Maybe in a toilet at school? Have a quiet soothing word maybe at bedtime over reading a book and asking what has happened during the day. Put the light out or put a nightlight on and lie next to him on his own and ask in a very soft loving voice.

I genuinely don’t think so. I know no one ever does but I implicitly trust his teacher and TA.

If you are potty training the toddler then likely he has realised that bowels get lots of attention plus toddler is at home and he is at school likely in year 1 or 2 where things stop being about playing and a lot more formal. Think that is your answer. A social story about big children pee and poo in loos and babies have accidents may well work. Possibly, he has had to be good at school all day and this is his way of wanting fuss and bother even though it will be the wrong sort coming his way.

She’s been potty trained a while so I don’t think it is that. The poo outside he tries to hide and have found largely by accident anyway.

Have you asked him why he's not using the toilet rather than just 'going mad' at him? Surely an almost 6 year old is articulate enough to profer some kind of explanation? Could he be holding it until he's absolutely bursting? Has he developed a fear of the toilet or bathroom for some reason? Small children can have irrational fears of monsters, noises, dark corners for instance. I would be trying to calmly figure out what's going on rather than getting angry. Does he have any additional needs? I've only known 2 children that have pooed in unusual places and both of them are autistic.

I have @whippersnapper55 , I didn’t get anywhere. My suspicion was he was watching TV and didn’t want to stop given the position of it. But he is unlikely to tell me that. It just really seems very odd and rather horrible behaviour for this age.

Is he ND? This is not normal for a typical 5/6 year old. The way to handle it will vary depending on any diversity.

Has he said why he has done it? I’d say very unusual for a 5/6 year old.

@Change2banon he isn’t diagnosed with anything and no one has raised any concerns, but it’s such odd behaviour, it’s hard not to wonder isn’t it?

Children have no idea why they do what they do. For god’s sake, most adults don’t either. This is too much to expect from a child.

I do think the honest answer is an element of can’t be bothered to go to the toilet but it’s deeper than that and it’s that which is so troubling. And it’s the third time in as many days. I don’t know if it’s linked to trauma, possible SEN, I just don’t know?

Tbh I’d have assumed a medical issue initially before getting annoyed at him. Second would be some sort of fear or regression that I’d want to investigate. And third would be jealousy of any attention or rewards for going to the potty, maybe feeling left out, attention seeking, seeking some sort of connection. I think my final resort would be to assume they were just lazy and to yell at them tbh. Have you ruled all the above out?
I think I’d try a mix of talking to him calmly and trying to understand to help him, and rewarding for going the toilet in the correct place, or reminding him to try, like you’re potty training again.

Is the stool healthy? Could he be constipated? Is there any ASD in your family? I’d contact the GP and also have a look at the ERIC website for advice too.

It looks healthy enough - he does eat a lot of food, no obvious signs of constipation but in any case not sure this would cause soiling outside and on the floor?

I was thinking maybe another child being cruel rather than an adult.

Leakage caused by constipation could cause these soiling incidents as he might not be feeling that he needs a poo until it’s too late to make it to the toilet. Please do look up soiling on the ERIC website it has lots of useful advice

This.
I would take him to the GP.