18 year old break up/going to uni

[Insomnia237]

My 18 year old daughter’s boyfriend has just ended their year long relationship. She is devastated as is to be expected.

I’m really worried as she is due to move to uni in less than a week and she just seems so emotionally vulnerable. She is saying that she doesn’t want to go, feels totally lost and just wants to stay at home.

Shes better off going without a boyfriend. She can focus on making new friends instead. How far away is she going and would she keep in touch well over text? And let you know if she was really miserable?

Perhaps tell her of you're own first love heartbreak and you do have an understanding of what it feels like.
She's about to start a new chapter that's full of possibilities.
Hope you can talk her round .

Could she defer for a year? She may not be in the right frame of mind to cope with the experience of student life and being away from home for the first time. I suppose it depends how emotionally robust she is. In order to get the most out of it and really thrive, it has to be something she’s feeling positive about, not dreading.

Only about an hour away. But it seems like a long way when she’s so upset.

Easier said than done when she’s tied into an 8k halls contract.

Tell her its best she goes it will take her mind off everything most relationships dont survive university anyway

Breaking up with your first serious boyfriend/ girlfriend is devastating. My daughter was in bits when this happened, I reassured her that her feelings are real, but that in 2 weeks she will feel substantially better. This was the case. One of her friend went to university with a girlfriend and they did long distance for 4 years only for her to break up with him at the end of the course. He was devastated and also full of regret to miss all those university opportunities for meeting new people etc. in the long term this could be perfect timing

Why would someone defer uni over a break up, yes upsetting but she needs you to tell her to pull herself together and get on with it do not feed the drama

Yes a genuine need to defer for serous reasons may suit some students but how on earth is suggesting this over a break up going to help be a strong independent adult the modern thinking of women are delicate creatures does nothing positive

Poor DD. That’s a horrible thing for anyone to go through, especially when she’s probably anxious about university anyway. Make a fuss of her in this last week and give her space to talk and cry, but then gently remind her of how much fun she will be having with new friends. She will survive it.

Best thing is to go and enjoy it fresh start is just what she needs..shes going to be aload of new people on her age group.

Change is absolutely the best cure for heartbreak. Talk to her directly about it: she will feel miserable for a while, but she’ll feel much much better more quickly if she goes rather than stays at home. Tell her you know she doesn’t believe you, but that this s something that you can tell her from experience. Distance is as much as a balm as time.

Uni , new friends, new start is exactly what she needs

Don’t suggest this! She will mope about at home being miserable instead of moving forward in her life. If she goes she will feel completely better within a month.

Time for a fresh start, she'll be busy at uni and making new friends so she can keep her mind off him.

He likely wants to shag around so at least if they're broken up she doesn't have to deal with him cheating or saying he's met someone else.

I would sympathise with how she feels but try encourage her to see the bigger picture. She’s at the start of a new adventure, she will meet new friends, hopefully have more relationships and work towards starting her career and have an amazing time. He will be long forgotten quite quickly.

but for now I would listen and let her be upset, make a fuss of her and spend lots of time doing things with her if she wants.

I have one off to uni who is not currently in a relationship but if they had been I would have encouraged them to think about how they wanted to start this new chapter. And in reality nearly all pre uni relationships end in that first term anyway.

Encourage her to throw herself into the first weeks and months of university and see how she feels. I'm sure the distraction of new people and new experiences is probably the best thing she can go through at the moment.

Full agreement in that although the timing seems terrible right now, it will very likely prove to be exactly what she needs to move on. Moving away is such a time of excitement and new opportunities. So much better to happen now than when there is nothing exciting on the horizon. Having said all that, huge sympathies as it is so tough to deal with for both of you.

She has a week to grieve and then actually University will be good for her. First heartbreaks can be extra hard when whoever you go, you are faced with a memory. Places around home they used to go or meet. Shop he bought her a gift from, the place they first kissed, the chip shop where they’d share chips from when hanging out after school. (Hypothetical examples)

Better to go to a fresh place that doesn’t constantly remind her of him.