One school mum always ignores me and I cannot work out why

[Butterscotchsauce]

Guess I’m just after a bit of reassurance or at least perspective, I know I shouldn’t care but I can’t help going over this in my head and have no one else to really talk to for an opinion!

My child has been at the school for 4 years and in this time I’ve become friendly with a few of the parents at drop off - not anything special but enough to chat to. I’m pretty average, not loud not shy just on the middle. Just talk about the kids or mundane every day stuff. I’m conscious not to be exclusive and always try to be open to chat to new people, I’m not in a so called “clique” or anything. I get not everyone wants to talk though and that’s fine too!

There’s one mum though, who never talks to me. Only comes over to chat to others if I’m standing separately or haven’t arrived yet. I have even walked past her a couple of times and said “hello” in just a normal friendly way as we’ve passed each other, and she completely blanks me! I did it the second time to check that I wasn’t mistaken the first time!! She is friendly to many others.

I just feel weird about it! I know I can’t have done anything awful as haven’t had the opportunity even to have said something by mistake! So, it doesn’t really matter I guess and I should just forget about it. But i can’t help being curious as to what the reason could be! Anyone want to suggest potential reasons I may have missed?

She thinks you smell
She thinks your kids a dick
She doesn't like your car
She fancies your husband

The possibilities are utterly endless. No one will be able to tell you.

ive done primary school for 10 years now across my 3 children. I have known several school mums like this. I find it weird but tend to think of it as a them problem rather than a me problem. I’m a nice person. They are probably socially awkward, potentially ND, or maybe just rude bitches. Whatever. I always smile and say hello to them. I have spoken to other parents who I’ve had similar experiences with the same mums. I think they just have the people that they feel comfortable with. Don’t give it any more thought honestly.

Unless you ask her you will never know the answer.

Loads of people are like this at my children's school/nursery. It bothers me for about a second and then I remember I'm better off not being friends or even friendly with people like that.

Count yourself lucky you don't have to speak to her tbh

It’s none of these. Don’t worry. There are just lots of awkward people out there. The ones I am speaking about have walked past me in the street when there’s no one else there and not even said hello. I find it very odd but I know for sure it’s not me as other people have experienced the same. And if it is me…none of my business what they think of me.

As a ND Mum whose child joined the school late I definitely wouldn't be blanking anyone, I'm usually just standing on my own.

My guess is your child and hers had an issue that you don't know about. Or she's just mean.

OP is it conceivable that your child has been unkind to this woman's child in some way - or some sort of friendship group problems between the children that she has heard about?

It's her problem.

I wouldn't waste a moments thought on it, to be honest. You've been pleasant so whatever her issues are they are her own.

It's a bit silly to ask for potential reasons as you could get a whole series of ongoing threads, and still you wouldn't know what it is.

It's just something we have to accept sometimes rather than keep thinking about it.

I had that with several mums at my DDs primary school, I was clearly wearing my cloak of invisibility! Also had it with a friend of a friend who always acted like she’d never seen me before in her life. I just started ignoring them back, quite therapeutic. There’s lots of rude people around so try to shrug it off and ignore them.

Helpful

Some people are just like that. She doesn’t know you so doesn’t want to talk to you. There were a few mums like that at my kids schools too. Who knows what they’ve got going on.

Oh god loads of mums are like this, my DS in year 6 and there are mums I've been in the orbit of since reception and yet they still act like they don't know me.

maybe I'm arrogant but I do think it's an insecurity thing on their part, that's my theory anyway 🤣

This happened to me with someone at work years ago- it was literally like I didn't exist when she was in the same room. I asked a mutual friend and he said she had said that I had ignored her once when saying hello and so that was the reason.. I don't actually recall having ignored her- I am not like that. But that didn't matter to her, it seems..

I recently found out, after 5 years of a school mum blanking me, that she thinks we went to school together and that I was mean to her.

We did not in fact go to school together, or even grow up within 4 hours travel of each other. I have no recollection of ever meeting her before the first week our kids were in reception when I said hi to her and she looked at me with an angry expression then turned away.

But a mutual friend mentioned an activity she’s doing, then said Frosty School Mum was going so she couldn’t invite me as Frosty School Mum hasn’t got over what happened back in high school, which has caused the whole thing to come out.

Apparently I have the same first name as whoever she knew in school (it’s a common girls name, like top 50), and presumably I look a lot like some random mean girl from the other side of the country.

Just sharing because people can just randomly dislike you because they are completely wrong about who you are, and there’s nothing you can really do about it!

Was just to say I’m sure it isn’t your. There is a Mum like this in my daughter’s class and her and my daughter are friends. It’s definitely nothing to do with the relationship between the girls. In passing even if I try to make eye contact and smile she completely blanks me. My daughter is ND and I’ve found drop off hard enough in the early years when she would be clinging to me and the other kids would be happily skipping around (including hers). I remember just feeling like this is so hard as it is and you can’t even make the effort to return or a hello or a smile. I used to to sad and feel weird about it but now think this isn’t the type of person I would want to associate with anyway.

Thanks everyone. It’s helpful to hear of other people’s similar experiences

I mean, it’s a possibility I guess. I haven’t heard anything about it from my child, teacher or anyone else if so. But it’s always possible. To my knowledge they don’t play together

She could feel you’re not her kind of person or have some issue with you of course but I’d wonder if she is shy/awkward and just talks to people she knows. I saw someone at school yesterday who I’m friendly with but she was talking to someone else (who I also know!) and i just walked past as my brain says they’re already chatting, they don’t want you muscling in. I then immediately thought that looks rude but couldn’t change it without it being odd by that point 🤦🏻‍♀️.

So I’d wonder about shy/awkward over “she just doesn’t like you or thinks you’ve don’t something wrong”. I can also look and be pretty chatty in certain situations but just get awkward among groups or situations I have to take the initiative.

i didn’t mean all ND people ignore others.it could be a reason if they struggle socially. Also ND here and also do not ignore people

But also true. It could be for any reason. The OP reminds her of someone who bullied her at school. Their kids don’t get on. She once thought she overheard the OP saying something deeply unpleasant. The OP’s husband once turned her down for a promotion/date. Someone told her the OP is a vampire/ swinger/Reform voter/lizard person.

There was one like that when my DC were at primary school. Right from yr R, she was unfriendly, would frown at me instead of smiling and yet was friendly with many others.

At the end of year 6 there was a leavers disco and i was chatting to another mum, she came up towards us, was friendly to the other mum but still frowned at / ignored me.
Thought to myself, 2ndry school next year and I won't have to face your unsmiling face again.!

Some people are like that.