Teaching independence

[FlopsyMopsyCotton]

How can I help my 6 yo nearly 7 yo become more independent? I’m here for it all, don’t mind having them with me but don’t want them to miss out by having me there.

They wouldn’t leave me to go on a play date or club, but I’d like them to become more secure in themselves, so they can enjoy time with their friends.

Maybe I’m asking the impossible, but I’d really like to hear if anyone else has experienced the same or any tips to help.

thanks

Have you tried clubs or drop and go play dates? I am a Girlguiding leader and have seen many ‘Oh I don’t think she will leave me’ girls come in and thrive. Often within the first month they are running in without a look back.

Let them take risks. I was teaching in a reception class a couple of years ago. There was lots of equipment like bread trays, tyres, planks of wood and so on for the children to build obstacle courses for themselves. They did this happily all of the time. Then on Mother's Day, we had an open morning for a Mother's Day breakfast. The number of visitors who were telling their children to be careful and that they shouldn't be doing that and not to jump off there not to carry that plank of wood et cetera was astonishing. They were doing these things completely independently before.

An example of how we’ve done this with an anxious girl previously:

First meeting Mum stays. If things are going well I suggest to Mum that she say she has to pop out to make a phone call, staying inside the building, and return in 10 mins. Sometimes Mum will look through window and decide to stay out longer.

Second meeting, Mum stays for a few mins and then says she has to pop to shop and will come back.This time she leaves premises. Same situation as above on return.

Third meeting: By this point, the transition tends to be the only thing that needs some attention from me. I usually will give girl a task to do while she’s coming in while Mum leaves.

It’s remarkable how quickly even the most nervous girls settle. I’ve never had a girl not settle, even ones who have spent the entire first meeting clinging to their mum.

You can't teach it, you can support it and respond positively to them choosing for themselves.

If you try to push someone away before they're ready, you make them cling harder. At only 6, the thing to do now is let them explore and when they do anything new say encouraging things.

In more general terms, make sure she has the opportunity to do even small things by herself as it builds confidence. Don’t rush to do things for her, or assume that because of her age she can’t do them. My 7yo cuts up her own fruit and vegetables, gets her own breakfast, that sort of stuff and that kind of confidence in her own abilities translates outside of the house too. Every chance you have to let her try something for herself, do it.

I’ve had girls come through my units who haven’t even been allowed to properly use scissors, and some parents are amazed that we not only routinely use scissors but I have them cutting up fruit and cooking and using fires.

Thank you everyone. I appreciate the advice and am currently doing everything everyone has suggested.

Supporting them and guiding them, trying not to interfere so they get a feel for independence.

I think it’s more the transition of me leaving them that they struggle with, almost anxious that I’m not there and will outright refuse if I don’t stay. I don’t want it to become a problem or for them to miss out. I guess they are only little still I just see others just going with the flow and mine seem to need a little more reassurance which I’m absolutely happy to do, I just don’t want it to hinder them. If that makes any sense at all.