13 year old has no confidence. Please help

[PPAPPINE]

My 13 year old daughter has no confidence. She was always a little shy in certain situations but in primary school she had confidence and always stood up for herself and had a very strong sense of fairness. She didn’t take any shit. Since starting secondary with none of her old friends, she has become shy in class and has made friends but seems to let them walk all over her. If one needs to be left out it will be her. She has also become a target for some of the mean girls at school who have said mean things and thrown things. When asked how she responds she always says she didn’t say anything and pretends to laugh it off. Rightly or wrongly, I have made it clear that she’d be in no trouble if she retaliated.
She has always been quite defensive and has refused therapy before.

It is heartbreaking and I know I must have done something wrong for her to have so little confidence.
Is there any hope of building confidence and self esteem? Does anyone have any experience of this and any tips on building confidence?

First of all, don't worry, and it is nothing you have done.
It is a difficult age, and she will find her tribe eventually, and although it is hard, she has not wanted help, and she does need to find her own way without parent intervention, tbh it just makes it worse. If she has another club outside of school where everyone is accepted this helps (scouts, guides etc.). I have 5 and one suffered at middle school a bit, then they moved schools, and she just sort of fitted in there, and was very popular, but she never forgot how it felt, and was very inclusive as a result. It really is heart-breaking to watch as a parent, but intervention is not the greatest thing sometimes. You really do have to let them find their own way. x

Thank you, it’s good to hear others experiences x

When asked how she responds she always says she didn’t say anything and pretends to laugh it off. Rightly or wrongly, I have made it clear that she’d be in no trouble if she retaliated.
She has always been quite defensive and has refused therapy before.

Why are you suggesting therapy?

She's dealing with things her way, she wants to laugh it off not retaliate. Support her finding her own way.

Have you asked for a meeting with school to address the bullying?