Tips for a three-year-old who hates getting ready

[Starlingshoes123]

Any tips on a 3yr old who hates the getting ready process?

Getting dressed, brushing teeth and putting shoes on all cause hysterics and then we are leaving the house with a really distressed child who is then grizzly at drop off because he’s so deregulated. He sleeps in his next day outfit to limit the getting dressed meltdown but the rest is so draining!

Any tips??

Spread it out over the morning, so brushing teeth right after breakfast and some play time to get back to baseline before needing the shoes.

My DS (now 4) has gone through phases of hating both of these. For shoes, I would check they are definitely comfortable without any unexpected sensory issues - something that opens wide at the front and can be fastened loosely with velcro is best. He is massively motivated to wear trainers with flashing lights, so that's largely solved the issue for us for now. Wellies he can put on himself might also be a good try. Depending how he goes to daycare, does he even need to put shoes on, or can he go in the car with socks and just drop off the shoes there? Tbh the biggest change for us was when he got old enough to put the shoes on himself, so could do it in a way that is comfortable for him.

For teeth, I would maybe back off a bit for a few days. Check he likes the toothbrush and toothpaste - mint is not a favourite here. Then do some games where he brushes your teeth with it and you do silly things like brush his nose/ears/lips/front teeth only. And leave it at that for the time being without needing to do the full teeth brushing (his teeth won't rot from a week of incomplete brushing). We now do a game where I try to spot dinosaurs in his mouth, which he likes. With an electric toothbrush with rainbow lights and strawberry toothpaste. But it took a while to get there!

Also, is it about the dressing/shoes etc or is it about the drop off? There was definitely a period for us where there was a lot of dysregulation in the morning about all of these things, but the underlying reason was that he didn't want to go to nursery. That meant that anything that was a step on the path to leaving the house was resisted and a source of dysregulation, no matter how you did it.

"we are going to go and do this in ten minutes."
"We are going to do this in five minutes"
"Ok we are going to do this, let's be quick so we can can do X thing which they like doing"

It's often having the warning so they have time to process that something is going to happen instead of going immediately "right we are doing x".

It's all about a slow process do they know what's happening next.

Get up much earlier, so there is less time pressure.
Plus do the getting ready before you have to leave, so the reward for getting ready is lovely 1-1 time.

Offer a story or to play a game after shoes go on, a special 'only suitable for people in shoes' story.
Teeth before breakfast so the joy of toast or whatever comes after.

Just as some animals can smell fear, toddlers can smell tension. You have to make things fun then they don't notice you have got your own way.

Strawberry toothpaste is a must-try if you haven't already.
For shoes, go with crocs for summer (what's left of it) then fleecy boots for winter.
Have a "station" for everything at child height so he grabs it himself.

Time for socks, let's go to the socks box! [Child chooses socks]
Time for teeth, let's go to the teeth station!
[Child "chooses" his strawberry toothpaste over the grown up option]

Etc.

I learnt this from seeing how they do mealtime at my dc's nursery, it is magical

Agree the special nursery voice where everything has an exclamation mark ! is very helpful.

And a special song for doing things. Just make up a 'shoes on big kid' song.

For both my kids, I used to hand them their pants and say, in a very serious tone, "put these on your head". When they'd laugh and argue I'd insist that everyone knew pants went on your head. In the end they'd put their pants on just to prove me wrong. And next socks, "put those on your ears" and so on... It took a while but they'd happily put all their clothes on just to show me what to do, and it got us through that resistant phase and in a playful, hapoy mood.

For teeth brushing, you obviously have to do yours at the same time, and there must be dancing. Tooth brushing apps are great for that.

And then you tell them to "put your shoes on you hands, obviously, everyone knows that. It would be daft to do anything else and everyone in their class does has shoes on their hands" You then start putting your own shoes on your hands - they will love telling you that you're wrong and showing you what to do.

Games
i bet you can’t put your socks and pants on before I count to 10.

pantomime time

Oh no Mummy’s t shirt has shrunk ! Is it my t shirt . Noooooo
Is it a hat ? Put everything on your head and pull a silly face ! Noooooo