Struggling with full-time teaching, burnout and guilt with a toddler

[YourHazelRaven]

Hey!

I just wanted to reach out as I am finding working full time hard. I am a mother of 2 and a half year old. I am a teacher.

I feel so guilty that I only see her in the mornings and the evenings. At weekends and holidays I dedicate my time to her but I’m feeling very burnt out.

i haven’t asked for part time as its a lot less money for one day and my colleagues tell me they have to work on those days anyway.

Has anyone got some solutions for the burn out that are easy to implement? And also the guilt? I miss my DD so much!

Are you feeling burnt out by work or by guilt?

My toddlers were always up at 5am so I reasoned that between the 3 and a half hours before work and the evening (they went to bed very late too) they did see a lot of me!

Move setting to SEN or PRU - must less workload.

Go part time, obviously expect fewer classes to teach if you do move to part time. If you’re a higher rate tax payer dropping one day is very manageable

Start planning your exit @YourHazelRaven. The guilt gets worse when you have to miss every First Day of…., every Sports Day, every performance. Teaching is not a family friendly job. Either leave or reduce your hours; your workload isn’t going to get any smaller.

Sympathy from me - I went back for only one term before fleeing teaching- for a few years until my youngest went to school. Then I went back part time. I’m afraid my career and earnings took a serious hit, but nowadays I work 4 afternoons a week, tutor 4 evenings a week and manage my time quite happily. I’m self employed.

Just put the guilt out of your mind. You are modeling an excellent example of being a hardworking mum and woman. Teaching them that weekend time and holidays are precious.

This age is not the only stage of their lives or your motherhood journey - it’s not even the nicest. You aren’t missing a lot! Sacrificing your job will cause lots of problems later on - pensions, finances, skills. And it really isn’t worth it.

Most of us only see our kids morning and evening and weekends but also don’t have the summer school holidays off. Don’t feel guilty.

This. Plus you get additional pay allowances.

As someone else said, teaching is one of the least family friendly jobs there is. Zero flexibility in term-time so you will miss every sports day, reading afternoon, nativity play and assembly.
And of course lots of the holidays will be taken up with work, as will evenings. School drop-offs and pick-ups are of course never do-able either so you end up feeling pretty much out of contact with your own child's school life.
When my daughter was a toddler I was primary teaching part-time but it just didn't work - as my days "off" were consumed with more work - just unpaid. It was relentless.
I left the profession after 22 years and regret not doing it sooner!
My daughter is now at school and I tutor (EOTAS) via my LA. I am paid well for the hours I work, and there is only about 1/2 to 1 hr of my working days that are unpaid in which I do my admin/prep. So much more flexibility which money can't buy, and I get to be a present wife and mother in the way that teaching never allowed.
The biggest downside (which is why so many teachers don't make the change I would imagine) is no pay at all over the school holidays and no pay if off ill.
But I love what I do now and feel so much happier ❤️

@Bromatic @TheBers
Do you both have experience of working in PRUs? It wasn't for me (I did it for a couple of years) but it would be interesting to hear from others who have/do?

I think you have to find ones that suit - I like ks4 only ones but am not really a ks3 fan.

Good SEN places can be best - well resourced and you get a pay bump.

😂😂😂

@FunPartyIdeas Ah I see. I'm primary trained so the ones I had experience of were KS1 and 2.
Breaks your heart to see such small children in PRUs 😢

Are you paying for expensive childcare? If so, I would definitely go part time. Makes more sense to look after your own child, than pay someone else to.

Being a parent is more than just being there physically. You also have to provide for them. Not just a roof over their head and food, but opportunities, which is expensive.

And parenting extends far beyond these early years. They get expensive. They also need you more. You are largely replaceable right now (assuming you have a good quality caregiver). Later on, you are not. It's much better to work full time now and think about flexibility later.

Thank you so much! These are all really helpful and practical comments and suggestions. I think we are all doing our best but it’s tough any route we choose and also teaching, like so many jobs, is so tiring!!

I work 3 days a week (secondary English) and to be honest the pay cut is worth it, and I'm obviously not having to pay for nursery on those days either. I find teaching much more enjoyable/manageable part time, and I almost never work on my days off, maybe check my emails but I find if I'm super organised I can get nearly everything done in my 3 days at work.

What’s your childcare situation? Dropping a day a week might be worth it if that day is a day saved in childcare fees.
Also remember the holiday time is a lot of time! 13 weeks a year is a lot more than most people’s 5 weeks. She is getting a lot of time with you even if you remain full time.

Not in the specialist schools I worked in.