9 year old behaviour

[welshandproudgal]

Hello,

Recently my 9 year old DD's behaviour is absolutely horrendous. The way she speaks to me like I'm a piece of crap, her outbursts, screaming, shouting and crying, blaming and shouting at her younger siblings.
She literally has screaming fits and massive tantrums, throws herself on the floor kicking her legs about. Something a 2 year old would do!

She scared her 6 year old sister at bedtime about ghosts and tells her they stare at her when she sleeps. So now her sister is scared at bedtime.
She screams at her siblings if they do anything that's 'annoying' when in actual fact they haven't done nothing wrong it's just annoying to her.

Every day is a constant battle, everything me and her dad have done just hasn't worked. She is on the pathway waiting list for SEN.

If I'm honest I don't know what I'm asking for here, I just needed to get it out there and see if anyone else goes through this battle every single day 😴

Any hints and tips would very much be appreciated, thank you

You need to open up to family. You need to arrange respite with family members if they can help. Going to a grandparents one evening after school or a sleepover regularly.

The most difficult thing, is keeping consistent with boundaries because often this is what can set them off. But it’s still important to do so.

When she is screaming etc, there’s no way you can reason with her. You just have to detach slightly and not engage.

After school can be a trigger for young kids with SEN, so keep demands placed on them at a minimum. For example, when they get in the door you may always remind them to wash their hands before a snack, which could lead to arguments. Instead dont say anything, keep some hand wipes at the kitchen table. Just find small ways to put less demands on her and yourself. That could making her fav meal more than you would like, but as long as its reasonably healthy, that can be another 20 mins of calm.

It’s all about minimising pressure on you and her, so that you have the energy to cope when you do have to keep to boundaries or she’s has been triggered by something else.

Talk to the school to see if she is having difficulties there. If homework is a pressure point, again talk to school to see how you can reduce the stress around this.