DD hates her body

[Whoachino]

DD has gone off to school and I am sad. She hates her body, and is sad herself about it. I don't know what to do. It's not that she thinks she's too fat, or ugly. Her complaints are just that she hates having a woman's body.

She is 15. She says she hates periods, hates boobs, hates having to manage body hair (even though I have never set any expectations in this regard, not do I have any), and just hates the physical side of no longer being a child.

I haven't come across this before. I get that periods are annoying of course, but when I was that age I was almost proud of them, and whilst I was a bit self conscious of my body I certainly never hated it or got upset by it.

I wonder if it's a manifestation of just missing childhood generally. She is quite young for her age in some of her preferences.

I don't know what to do. I have tried to be body positive generally, and have never criticised her appearance or anything (there is nothing to criticise anyway). Her friends all seem fine and she has never mentioned them in this context. She just seems saddened by something we can do nothing about.

Any tips or thoughts? Has anyone else had this?

God i hate to be so stereotypical mumsnet, but has she got an ASD diagnosis? The emotional youth, the hated of changing body it all sounds fairly typical.

No suggestions on how to manage it, othet than to be sympathetic and validate her feelings. Puberty makes you feel out of control of your own body and it's scary, especially when your whole world feels or of control and hard to understand.

Has she got any close friends? Any friends at all?

I felt the same when I was that age tbh. I felt that boys had it easy. Periods were the worst and just all the stuff to think about. It was overwhelming at times.

I think it’s normal? Just let her vent and sympathise.

No she doesn't have an ASD diagnosis and I've never suspected anything like this. She is doing well academically and socially. Just this one issue. She has friends, and obviously they have all gone through the same thing. I don't know if she talks about it to them.

I can remember feeling like this at that age. I don't know that I have any words of wisdom on it though, I think it just eventually passed

Anecdotally, my autistic DD doesn't have anything like this at all

I don't know if it's fashion trends or WLI, but young women being rail thin is MUCH more noticeable than it was 2-3 years ago. Living in a university town makes it really noticeable. I think we are heading for the kind of social pressure to be thin that produced eg Paris Hilton. It's a hard time to be a teenage girl.

I always felt like that and im 56 now.
Im autistic, but didnt know it could be related. Tbh I can't imagine not feeling like that .
With me it was the change at puberty and the ongoing changes throughout life.

Does she have social media? If I were you I would be checking what she’s been looking at very thoroughly

I mean, puberty does suck, and I certainly felt just like her at that age. I recall thinking how great it must be to be a boy and be able to keep the changes far more secret, whereas boobs and hips are just so bloody obvious and periods were awful at that age. I was never proud of them and never discussed them with friends (despite being at a girls school, they were never discussed freely at this was the early 2000s). She will need to come to terms with it in her own way, let her grieve her carefree childhood and she will come back around. She is probably also conscious of upcoming GCSEs and whatnot too. Who would want to be a teenager, hey?

Thank you all.

I check her phone and her social media stuff, and there's nothing that I can see on there that is related to this. She doesn't hate her body in the typical way I would expect (too fat, bad skin or whatever), or at least has never mentioned this to me. Her eating is fine. It is just the kind of biological stuff! And there is nothing out of the ordinary in how she is. She doesn't have unusually sized breasts in either direction. Her periods are regular and she doesn't complain overly about pain or anything like that. We are open with each other about this kind of stuff. She doesn't hide herself away or insist on privacy etc. As far as I know she hasn't had any embarrassing period issues at school etc.

I just think she finds it all a bit of a slog. Which I get, because it is. She just seems unusually down about it.
I have tried various things and tried to be positive about her body but she is still unhappy.

This maybe isn't something you want to think about but my body issues went away overnight when I had my first boyfriend at 17 and my body became, well, pleasurable. Which is the biological reason for puberty after all.

I think you're onto something regarding maturity - it sounds like her body is ahead of her emotional maturity and perhaps the psychosexual aspect is difficult for her?