My 8yo DS has always been incredibly hard work - pushing boundaries, very needy and demanding, jealous of his younger sister (DC2) who is 6.
It’s not improving - the opposite really - and is really having an impact on family life to the point where I struggle to connect with him, and am dreading how it’s going to get worse in years to come.
Examples of his behaviour:
- he completely ignores instructions, and will repeatedly do things he has been told 100 times not to do (eg kicking a ball inside the house). He has had numerous balls confiscated but eg will take his sister’s, or will promise to be good and not to do it, but then will. This morning he persisted on kicking a balloon belonging to DD in the living room until he burst it.
- generally constantly physically aggressive - eg kicking dishwasher closed, slamming doors, swinging down from the stairs rather than walking down them, jumping on the furniture. As above, he has been told 100 times not to do these things but it’s meaningless to him. He has broken numerous things around the house (eg pulling down 2 curtain poles, door hinges) and I’m worried will seriously injure himself.
- he will wind up his sister constantly, always making horrible little digs at her - eg she said she had to write about herself on her first day at school - he said “you should have said you were fat, ugly and stupid”.’They do occasionally play nicely but it quickly escalates, she will start screaming at him to stop (whatever he’s doing) and then she’ll be in tears with him hitting or kicking her
- he argues/ complains about everything and is never happy. Typical example - he is bought an ice cream and moans and complains about how it’s not 2 scoops, or it’s giving him brain freeze
- he will turn anything into a fight or argument - I suggest reading a story in my bed to both kids, he will fight his sister for whatever side of the bed she is on, or insist on messing with the lights, or complain about what story has been chosen
- Table manners non-existent - we eat as many meals together as we can as a family at the table - he still eats with his hands, knocks over drinks, spills food all over himself. I’ve tried not to focus on this as it is so wearing reminding him but it’s not getting any better.
- When other people are trying to have a conversation (particularly me speaking to DD) he will make loud, horrible noises (high pitched singing, whistling, vehicle noises), as if to try to stop us speaking to each other. He will be told to stop and then will start up again.
- most of the time he speaks in a kind of furby voice - high pitched cartoon character - just really irritating. Obviously less bad than many of the things above but it’s just so hard to have a normal conversation with him. He doesn’t talk about himself or answer questions.
It is difficult because DD is impeccably behaved, compliant, very independent in her play and a very optimistic, happy child. She actually adores DS as well, despite how he treats her.
I should also say that DS has lots of good qualities - he is funny, and sometimes helpful at home. He is very bright and perfectly behaved at school. His school
report at the end of last year described him as a role model for fellow pupils. He is very popular with lots of friends and excels at a number of extra-curriculars (sport and music).
I just don’t know how to deal with the behaviour at home. He has barely any screen time (tv only), and removing it is the only sanction that he seems to care about, but it doesn’t stop him repeating the behaviour. We’ve obviously spoken to him about each of these things numerous times and he apologises but nothing changes. He has plenty of 1-1 time with me and his dad and is nice in those scenarios - when he is getting 100% attention - but any time other than that is extremely difficult. I’m considering family counselling or something as I think he is probably miserable and he certainly is making me and his dad miserable.