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Parenting

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Twelve-year-old struggling after move while older sibling has settled quickly

3 replies

BeUniqueOtter · 06/09/2026 09:54

We’ve moved areas and the children (12f and 14m) started at an outstanding school last week. The 12 year old has come home each evening and cried to go home - she had good friends at her old school and she says nobody likes her here and everyone is different. My 14 year old hated the first day but enjoyed the second and has really settled in already making friends. They were both popular confident kids at their old school.

We moved because our old house was not close to anything and I had to drive the kids everywhere. It was also a gritty northern poor town on the massive decline. Here we’re in the middle of a village where the kids can walk to school, clubs, shops etc. Very affluent area and we have the money to live very well here.

I feel like just going home and being resigned to staying in a s*it hole town forever! Haha! Will it ever settle or have I ruined her life!? The people are very different down here - definitely more reserved bordering on unfriendly put perhaps I’m just used to Yorkshire folk who’ll talk to anyone and be your best mate within an hour! Maybe we just need more time to settle in.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Savvysix1984 · 06/09/2026 10:04

It’s been a big change for them both. I’m sure your youngest will get used to it. Did they start in year 7 or year 8?

parietal · 06/09/2026 10:06

It is a big shift. Ask your 12 year old to give it 4 weeks and see how it is going.

also, watch InsideOut which features a kid experiencing a house move.

ChateauMargaux · 06/09/2026 10:18

I moved when I was 15, my sister was 17 amd my brother was 11. It was difficult for all of us in different ways. I cried for months, sister settled and brother was bullied at school.

My kids moved when they were 2, 4 and 6 and then all moved for secondary school. We live in an area with lots of people from different countries who move often. For many families, at least one child finds moving challenging.

Help her to find activities that she might like. Encourage her to invite people home after school. Speak to her head of year / Pastoral support / school mentor about how school can help her to settle. And then find great things for you are her to do, so she can explore the area, explore her own interests and find happiness in her time outside of school. Hugs, love, nice activities, doing things together will all help her to feel more at ease in herself.

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