Advice for improving sleep for a six month old without crying who wakes 10 times a night.

[Karma1387]

I am looking for help as I am at a loss on what to do or how to move forwards. Sorry its a little long!

I have a beautiful 6 month old who I co-sleep with at night and contact nap in the day. His time awake is anything from 1 hr - 2hrs and he is only napping 30 mins at a time which means he is getting increasingly needy and tired throughout the day and is having like 5 odd naps a day.

Come nightime he is waking up around 10 times a night and I am just exhausted from such broken sleep, holding him most of the day and holding him for his naps.

My poor toddler has to cope with so little attention when he is at home as I am either holding the baby because hes grumpy and screaming or I am feeding/bouncing him to sleep for 45 mins 5 times a day.

I am currently searching for a full time job but I have no idea how I will cope with so little sleep plus how he will cope at nursery/ with my partner sleeping.

I have tried multiple dummys with no interest, I am attempting to introduce a bottle (so far no luck), I have tried putting him in the next to me and patting and singing to him but he just cries and cries with no let up and is then sick 😪 I have tried still laying in bed together but when he wakes up not feeding if its been less than an hour but he just keeps screaming until its getting close to an hour and a half and then hes close to feed time anyway!

I just really need some advice on how to help him sleep without leaving him to cry. The very rare times he has a nice long nap he is like a different baby (although my arms hurt from holding him for that long 🤣)

I have no issues with him still waking for feeds in the night but It would be nice to have it down to 3 maybe 4 a night and have him actually nap properly during the day.

Many thanks for any advice!

Do you have another parent who can help? Can the baby go into their own room (not shared with toddler)?

First nap of the day is usually the easiest to change the sleep pattern for IE the one to try for a cot nap.

You may also need to reduce the number of naps (even if they are short) to three or four and try to lengthen wake windows to get longer day naps. If your baby is doing 5 naps per day they won't be tired enough to need more than 30 minutes, and they may not be very tired at night either. My child went to two naps at seven months, and while it wasn't ideal, it did help lengthen the naps.

Track his sleep in 24 hours for a week then divide up what you'd like for naps Vs night. Be aware most babies can only do a 10.5 hour night so a 12 hour night is unrealistic.

5 naps is way too many for a 6 month old, most are comfortably on 3 by this point. 3x 30 min naps is fine. Spending 45mins getting a baby to sleep is too long, if it's taking more than 10/15 mins they aren't tired enough, probably bored or uncomfortable. Are there any dietary issues at play?

Basically some babies need a lot less sleep than others and most things you'll find online are for high needs sleep babies. Use Huckleberry to track sleep time but ignore the sweet spot/anything that is telling you how long they should sleep.

Keep awake time consistent even if the night is rubbish and don't allow the next days naps to make up for a previous bad night.

My 6 month old averages 12.5 hours sleep in 24, 2 hours as naps and 10.5 as night (with a wake or two). It obviously varies slightly but this is the average across the week. Once you've got this it should decrease the night wakings and time to fall asleep at naps as sleep pressure will be higher.

And a big caveat - some babies personalities does just require more support than others at night. But hopefully the above will maximise what he is capable of. Have a read of the possums approach too.

A non sleeper is horrible (my first was) and affects every part of parenting and life. You are doing a good job, it is hard 🥰

I agree with Pp, I think you need to force some longer wake windows in order to get at least 1 longer nap a day. What is his usual schedule? I’d expect that age to be on 3 naps, maybe 4 some days. We did ‘pick up put down’ around that age, only at bedtime, and it did help.

My partner works night so isnt around during the day and by the time we are getting things ready for bed he is close to needing to get ready for work so unfortunately he isn't much help for sleep.

Baby is in with me. Unfortunatley no space for his own room. I have attempted to do cot transfer for first nap but he just wakes screaming before I even put him down even if I have held him into a deep sleep first.

Can I ask how you lengthen the wake window if baby is crying after 30- 45mins? I already have to hold him for a good 30- 45 mins just to extend his wake window to 1.5hrs 😭 Would you just hold them for 3-4 hours until it was time to sleep?

I really feel for you as mine was similar - memories of marching him in the sling up and down our road at 6pm in the cold and dark for the umpteenth nap of the day at around that age… I reckon it will start to improve if you try a few new things to see if anything suits him. Will he nap in buggy? Really worth trying to crack that, once mine did I could sometimes get him to sleep then leave him parked in the garden and if I came back and jiggled the buggy at the half hour mark he would sometimes stay asleep for an hour.
Co-sleeping - have you tried the pantley pull off? Google it, essentially you’re trying to get them used to dropping off or staying asleep without the nipple in their mouth. Didn’t really work for me but think it has for some ppl.
Wake windows do sound short- I wonder if he might nap longer if you tried to extend them a bit and get onto a four nap schedule. It’s such a relief when they drop a nap, one less time trying to get them to sleep!

I have to say we did sleep train in the end to get him out of co sleeping, at around 8/9 months when he would only sleep at night latched on. But didn’t do it for naps and only now around 15 months doing some cot naps.

How do you track night time sleep with so many wake ups? For example he has already woken up 4 times in 2 hours.

I'm not spending 45 mins getting him to sleep. I feed/ bounce him for 15 and then I hold him whilst he sleeps for 30 mins.

No dietary issues as far as aware. He pukes a lot but GP says that should disappear by 1.

Any advice on how to keep awake time consistent if baby is screaming for sleep after 45 mins/hr after waking? I am already holding him generally an extra 30 mins just to extend the wake window a bit. Would you just hold them for an extra couple of hours? What if he falls asleep whilst I am walking around bouncing him on my shoulder to stop him crying? Do I just then let him sleep even if it isn't time to sleep?

He has no schedule as he is so unpredictable. But generally 1-1.5 hrs after waking in the morning he will scream wanting to sleep. I usually hold him for an extra 30 mins until it hits an hour and a half and then a hold and bounce and feed him to sleep and he sleeps for 30 mins in my arms. Then basically through the day his wake windows get smaller as he only last 20-40 mins before he is screaming to sleep again. I generally try to push him to an hour and a half by holding him as long as he isn't screaming uncontrollably.

What about a nap in the pram? Or are u using a sling then at least ur arms would not hurt and you could play standing up with your toddler? Or car seat naps? Anything not just lying on u. At night do u do a bed time routine can be as long or short as u like but a sleep que I read one book and sing one song so it like 3 mins tops but they all know that means sleep and no they are bigger they shout at me if I sing it coz they are not babies but if I stop they shout me back and get me to start over. When I want to move from feeding to sleep to not if they don’t do it within an easy 5 mins of starting new routine I would put them in the sling and pound the sleep so they sleep and after that one night of fight (they are not crying they are asleep but it requires a lot of walking or they would very much not be asleep and they would be very very angry) they always move to my new routine without More than a few grumbles

So I can get him to nap in the pram occasionally since changing to the seat rather than bassinet but it takes around 30-45 mins for him to doze off and the second you stop walking he wakes up which means we cant just go to the park and then play whilst baby sleeps. My toddler isnt really fond of just sitting in the pram for hours each day 🤣

No sling as he hates all slings and carriers. Have been trying since birth and he just hates them!

Car naps he is amazing but again the second you stop he wakes up.

We do a brief routine. Nappy, sleep outfit and a song but to be honest once I lay us both in bed he knows its bedtime. Hes great at getting off the sleep in bed with his boob! He just sucks at staying asleep. Hence we have had 5 wake ups now since 7.30 😞

This could have been me writing this 1.5 years ago!! For me I used the huckleberry app to track sleep, by this age I think he was on 3 naps a day. Try to stick religiously (at the start) to a nap routine in the day and the nights will start to work themselves out. In terms of the falling asleep in your arms, I eventually ended up doing some sleep training as it was making me physically ill from lack of sleep. What I did was put him in his cot and sat next to him with my hand on his chest to reassure him, until he fell asleep. The first two or three times are hard as he will still cry as he wants picking up, but you’re right next to him, with your hand on him to let him know he’s safe. Then once he would do that fine, I sat next to him but not touching him, and then once he was fine with that I kept moving further away until I was out the room! It was a revelation!! Good luck, try to remember this doesn’t last forever and you’re doing great x

Have you tried a dummy? Pop it back in when he wakes up and see if he will settle back (obviously feed him if he needs it in the night too).

We have been trying dummys since he was 6 weeks old. So many different brands (why are dummys so bloody expensive!!) We have never successfully got him to take one.

Thank you.

I have been trying your technique (I used it with my first) but he cries so much longer and so much harder than my first did. How long did you let yours cry whilst leaving your hand their for support whilst they screamed bloody murder? I have lasted 20 mins but when he started being sick I had to stop.

Ahh Thats tough my first needed to move move move until they where 10 months the others where a lot more chilled. The good news is if it’s is like my baby one he learnt to consolidate his naps and sleep through at 10 months so I would push him till asleep (up to 15 mins) sleep 1.5 hours parked up and then bed in cot. If u would have told me he would do this at 10 months when he was 9 months I would have laughed In your face but he did! a switch just clicked in his mind so fingers crossed if u persevere time will work it’s magic. Only thing I can say is lots of daylight lots of playtime and keep trying. Good luck

One more thing if u pushed bed time really late does that help get a longer stretch? so for me baby 2 had to be up till 10.30pm (which I know everyone hates the sound of) but then slept like a dream till 7am and for me Thats was great don't know why no one else likes this solution to be honest. When my older kid went to bed it gave me and baby 2 some one on one time which she loved - she still comes on my 9 o’clock errands to he the laundry now right before getting into bed so at 6 months she would wake at 7 have a feed dove till 8.30 be up for the day have nap one around mid day nap 2 around 5 both naps 45 mins in pram parked up outside bed 10.30. I also liked looking at huckleberry for some inspiration but found that I had to plus around 3 months onto my child’s age to get something that suited them as I guess they are lower sleep needs.

I could have written your message a few years ago. Like you, I was very much against cry it out and couldn’t bear to do it - however my family pushed me into it (and also made the good point that it was for my son’s own benefit because waking all the time is really bad for them). It worked within three nights, it was quite incredible and he was almost sleeping through. Painful, and the last thing I wanted to do but very quick and was life changing.

The other thing to say was that cry it out was so much quicker than going to settle every five minutes, which is one of the sleep training tech techniques, and I think it actually caused less distress overall.

This isn’t true. Night wakes are completely normal for babies, they don’t affect development. Theyre a protective mechanism against SIDS.

I have no issues with wake ups at night. He is a baby and wants to feed and comfort. But over 10 a night seems like a bit too much and it can't be amazing for his him to wake so frequently.

Yes we also had the same , crying til he made himself sick, it was a nightmare! When I could tell he was getting close to that i used to pick him up briefly so he’d calm down and as soon as it abated a bit I put him back down, and go back to hand on chest. What you’re looking for is that eventually he’s so tired he’ll give in and just fall asleep. After three days of this mine had gotten used to it and got to sleep a lot quicker. I think though for this to work you need to firstly tackle the day sleeps so he’s in a routine then you’ll find the nights will be easier. It’s a vicious cycle because he’s so tired at the moment from waking up that he’s trying to nap to catch up. Does he have a lovey I also bought a small soft blankety toy that I put in my bra for a couple of days so it smelt of me helped.