How can I handle my seven year old's constant hostility?

[Mylifeisprettyshitrightnow]

My 7 year old is becoming unbearable and I don't know how to deal with it. I've gone into her room this morning to be met with angry noises, hostility at anything I ask (the usual, get dressed, go down for breakfast) and just a horrible attitude. Stomping feet and more random angry noises as she stomps about. When I chimmy her along because she's taking ages to get ready, she has just shouted her response angrily back at me.

Her little sister is now starting to copy this behaviour. DH works away, I work nearly full time, and I just can't bloody hack this any more.

What can I do??

I have tried:
Calmer wakings such as opening door to let light in and letting her rise naturally
Going to cuddle her / connect for a few mins before she gets up
Breakfast first to combat any hanger
Rewards (if you get ready by x time you'll have time to play, watch a bit of telly, can have bun money etc)
Consequences (usually losing bun money, not getting breakfast before breakfast club as no time, confiscating toys, saying no telly time today then, etc)
Getting everything ready the night before
Asking her what's wrong
Explaining why it's not nice to speak to people like that
Ignoring it all and role modelling being nice to them

Honestly I'm so done, I absolutely hate it and I can't keep starting and ending my days like this (it often happens at bedtime too). please help!

I’d try sitting down with her to sort a consistent morning routine. Write it down with pictures if needed. Use timers if you think they would help.

As long as she’s had a bath the night before and can clean her teeth independently you can take yourself out of the equation.
Prep uniform and school bag the night before with her. Timetable/ prompts up in her bedroom for PE kit etc.

Have breakfast ready on the table and maybe a banana or something she can take if she’s in a rush.

Concentrate on getting the younger one ready playing on how grown up 7 year old is doing it by herself.
If she’d respond you could set challenges “ I bet you can’t get your shoes and socks on by the time I’ve cleaned DC teeth. “ “ who can get their coat on first?”

State what time you WILL leave the house. If she’s not ready she will go to school in her PJs. Be prepared to carry this out. Explain to school / take uniform with you.
Is she getting enough sleep?

Thank you - I really appreciate it. I like the idea of focusing on my youngest and bigging the eldest up for getting ready. I already try and get as much ready as possible, and have tried routine charts in the past but they don't work for long, and she gets distracted so I have to hover otherwise she'd just dance in the mirror for half an hour instead of getting ready!

I guess the thing I'm struggling with most is the attitude and the way she speaks to me. Everything I say is met with angry responses, huffiness - even when I've not even said anything at all sometimes! She will just wake up and make "annoyed" noises in bed!

She is definitely getting enough sleep. She goes to bed around 7.30, asleep by 8 ish, and I didn't go into her until after 7am today.

I just don't know how to deal with the attitude. I've found myself saying "don't speak to me like that, it's not okay" or "try again when you can speak to me nicely" and this occasionally works. But she seems so angry all the time! It's a horrible way to start the day and leaves me feeling shit.

Try a think it don’t say it type activity. You should find resources on line. You need large pictures of lips and a thought bubble.

Write actual examples of things she’s said and others that are just silly or not nice (not to give her new ideas!) and others that are compliments or nice things to say. Sort them with her into things you can say and things that should stay in her head.
I expect she’d manage this but not be able to transfer the skill in the moment. You could say think it don’t say it.
You can use planned ignoring for low level behaviour ( noises harrumphing etc) and praise positive interaction or say I will listen when you speak nicely.

Good she’s sleeping well. I know you’ve tried cuddles but anything else she’d like to help her mood first thing? Music, a big cuddly, photos of happy times or favourite characters etc.
Could she have some dance time as a reward for being ready on time? Timed maybe with some coloured ribbons? Routine of the week? So there’s a clear end time.