To have a third? Or to not have a third

[Dontpeemeoff]

If you had the yearning for a 3rd child did you go for it? And if you did, has it been an easy transition or is being outnumbered an insane jump haha.
I feel like it’s the biggest decision of all my kids, the first two were always a definite 100% but the third we can’t seem to decide on. We need to make a choice soon as 1. age gaps (I have a 6 and 3 year old) and 2. My coil runs out next year and we said by that point it’s either baby or it’s the snip.

I worry for the financial implications, not now but as they get much older with driving lessons, uni, houses, weddings etc. we can’t guarantee we will have the same income in 20 years time.
But I don’t want to regret not having a third and I fear we will if we don’t. I don’t feel ready to close the door on having more but we just can’t agree on the right decision. My partner and I swap how we feel on the weekly 🤣
anyway if anyone has any insight further down the line I’d love to know how it’s been with 3!

Following because I’m in the same predicament 😂

How would you feel if it was twins or triplets? Or if they were disabled? Can you still give your two children you have now the same attention? Go off whatever answer that is as it does happen.

No I wouldn't. I guess I don't understand why people want to have 3. Where does that number come from why not 2 why not 4.

Two was right for me because it works with most housing situations that works with most vehicles. More time and money to devote to them

Had three and absolutely no regrets at all. It's so rewarding especially as they are now all gorgeous young adults and get on so well. If you don't then you will always think what if and possibly feel incomplete. Good luck

driving lessons, uni, houses, weddings

Agree with uni but nobody I know has had any help buying a house and plenty of people have to fund most of their driving lessons and wedding.

I have three. They are only little - 5, 3 and 18m. But, so far, it’s been brilliant. Going from two to three was by far our easiest transition. We are somehow much more relaxed as parents and we both find three easier than two. We are lucky that space and finances aren’t really big issues, though.

I’m stretched to my maximum with 2, although I am a single mum.

We had our third almost a year ago. She's an absolute delight. Not the easiest baby we've had (by FAR) but it has been easier to manage because we are more experienced. My older children were 5 and 3 (almost 6 and 4) when she was born. Every day we say something along the lines of "imagine if we didn't decide to have her?!" - she genuinely makes us all so happy and always felt like our family just wasn't complete until she arrived.

Practically we will stop at 3 children. If money was no object, we'd have another without any doubt. We do feel we have the time and attention for one more. But financially..... honestly who knows what the future will bring? AI is scary and makes DH's job a bit uncertain as he works in tech so we really don't want to stretch ourselves. I do feel a little guilty for our youngest though as the eldest two were 2 years apart and are very much in their own zone whereas she is almost 4 years younger. Not sure I could handle the 2 year gap again though anyway...

I’m due number 3 in the next week or so… I’ll let you know 🥲
DD1 is 9 years old, DD2 turned 1 in July.
DD2 has been the easiest baby, I never thought I could produce such a relaxed child 😂 so relaxed that DD3 came along as a nice big surprise.
I’ve always said I wanted 3 (I am also one of 3) but it was just DD1 for so long I never imagined it happening.
I can’t wait to never be pregnant again but I’m looking forward to having 3. I always had at least one sibling to play with, as adults we all get along and hang out together or in pairs, there was never any jealousy between us and still isn’t.
My eldest likes to play mother, DD2 is absolutely besotted with her big sister.

I had the third. He and it was so brilliant we eventually had a fourth as well!

If you want it, do it.

I found the change from 2 to 3 really tough. I felt a constant guilt that I didn’t have enough time for the older two because I was constantly shattered from lack of sleep and dealing with a v difficult baby.

Dont get me wrong - I love and would never change having my third child but I definitely hadn’t bargained for how hard it would be. Also v expensive - bigger car was needed, a lot of holidays are 2a 2c so you pay quite a bit more.

Most parents do put money into uni, weddings and houses! If you cannot do these things, 3 isn’t right financially in
my view. I’ve stuck with 2 and even with 2 your time and effort can feel very stretched. Twos company and threes a crowd. And an expensive one!

Finances increase hugely once they are teenagers though, so do stress levels.

@RampantIvy And logistics! Begging for lifts to get dc to sports! The need to juggle your time around activities they have. It’s a nightmare.

If it’s a question it’s a no. Otherwise you’d just do it

Thank you all! Some really helpful things to think about.
in regards to money, it is extremely important for us to help out children with uni, driving house etc. My parents have always helped with finances for big things and we want that for ours too. My partner had a very different upbringing and we both agree that our goal is to ensure our children are financially set.

we had a long chat after reading through the replies and it’s just so hard to know what’s right. I want my kids to look back on their childhood and know they were so loved and valued and given the attention they needed. We just have to work out if that’s all possible with another little one- but idk if we’ll ever know for sure!

Same predicament here also. I think I’d love another, but my head is wondering if we could cope as they get older, have various conflicting sports and clubs and parties, people say teens are very hard, and you never know until in those situations whether it’s too much for you. Also similar worries about finances and being able to help them out with things like savings and house deposits, and whether our attention would be too diluted. It’s a tough decision.