Three year old refusing toilet and frequent wetting after initial progress

[ceeb21]

Any words of wisdom greatly appreciated -
My 3 year old (4 in January) is constantly wetting herself.

She has been out of nappies since November 2025 and for the first few months was mostly fine with very few accidents.

I would say since around March (steadily getting worse), it has been getting worse to the point where she will not say that she needs a wee at all.

We have tried reward charts, we have tried putting a timer on and taking her, which does seem to work, however when this is taken away she will just wet herself if she is not physically taken to the toilet when we feel it has been too long etc

If you ask her does she need to go it is a straight no every single time, she will cry and try to refuse going to the toilet as well so sometimes you just have to force her. She will also wet herself and happily sit in wet knickers / trousers until we can see what has happened. On other occasions she will do a small wee in her knickers and then say I need a wee.

Worth noting we have no issues with poos, she will tell you she needs one and goes to the toilet every time.

Sorry I'm rambling, but has anyone had anything similar?!
We didn't have this with our older daughter so I'm finding it hard to navigate!!

Thanks

I can't offer any real words of wisdom other than if she's isn't ND then maybe she just needs a firmer hand. My DS is like a camel and won't go for HOURS and its a constant battle between us but he had never had an accident till recently when he was watching something funny so because if asked him three times to go before it happened I took his tablet off him for a week until he started going more frequently. The only other thing I'd maybe consider (and only because of the job I do) is has she been in anyway inappropriately touched/assaulted as this can be a stressor for urinating as they can be scared to go. I know it's not something anyone wants to consider but as she still has no issues with No2s then the issue isn't the actual act of going to the toilet. I hope you get it sorted. X

Commeting out of solidarity. Going through the exact same with my 3yo DS. Could honestly have written this word for word.
I've had a phonecall with the HV last week and she was asking about his bowels and if he could be constipated but I don't think he is.
I'm getting increasingly frustrated as he was dry for months 😫

Both my sons were potty trained really quickly from starting (different ages - one at 2y2m, other at 2y10m), that lasted about a month, and then they regressed into what you’re describing mostly - wetting/soiling themselves and just walking around like this, claiming they don’t need to go while actively wetting their pants in front of me.

I tried all the gentle approaches with my older one and the problem persisted for OVER 1y. The thing that eventually worked was blackmail - telling him that all his friends will start reception this year, and he will go a year later. That fixed things.

With the younger one, I started with blackmail - I’m not keen on this taking a year again and resorting to blackmail anyway. So we’ve canceled all trips to fun places, no tv, no treats on days with accidents, etc. There’s an improvement already and we’re on week two of this.

Sooooo…my words of wisdom? Might sound cruel but… taking away the things they care about until the problem is fixed :( when you KNOW they’re capable but just unmotivated… strong external motivation might be the way.

Try not to get stressed by it if you can as she’ll pick up on it and get worried. Firstly I promise you it will all work out in good time, some kids just need longer than others to work it out. How many adults do you come across who are still not toilet trained? In terms of when she gets it right, I find stickers, praise and maybe a little impromptu dance together work well. If it doesn’t work, don’t make a big deal of it, just clean her up and say next time let’s take our pants off first / next time let’s do it on the potty. In terms of taking a break, I’m not sure you need to do anything concrete. Maybe have a day or two off it if she really gets upset about it, but then try again, again using lots of positivity. Personally I found no pressure but consistency worked well for mine. Does she go to nursery at all? I found seeing her little friends go to the toilet helped make it less scary and just part of the routine.

What you’re experiencing is very common with ND DC. Has she ever shown any other signs?

How does she manage at Pre-School?

Is she drinking enough fluids . This past series of heatwaves there has been much advice about hydration especially in older people . Older./ Elderly especially women can get cystitis and UTIs so easily . A lot don't drink enough because they don't want to get up in the night .

My DD was fine with water and ice lollies but ice cream had her going for a pee non stop . Don't know why .
Also , DD didn't like a dirty toilet , it put her right off especially if it smelled.
So knowing where the nice toilets were was key and if DH ever had to take her to the men's when she was out with him. Mens loos aren't nice for little girls .

It’s refreshing to read someone suggesting taking a firmer line. Back in the day virtually all children were potty trained way before they reached the age of three and while I know it can’t be recommended now, my mother always recommended one firm slap. Taking away the iPad might be the alternative, but why does a three year old have one?

We had some issues like this with DS, although not as extreme, after initially successfully training. In his case, I think there was a second step of learning that he can hold it but then needing to learn how long he can hold it.

We managed by being firm about regular toilet use and requiring it at certain times - eg you can have your snack when you have been to the toilet. Or letting him choose whether to go now or in 5 minutes (with a timer).

When he used the toilet after prompting, we encouraged him to see that he did actually need to pee a lot (wow, that's like a fire hose, you must have been bursting!) - and to try and see if he can notice if his body feels different from before he went.

Accidents are pretty rare now (only if very absorbed in something or there is an issue with a public toilet) but it was a long road!