Do I suggest contact centres to my DC dad?

[sodoffbeforemycupofcoff]

My DC dad had been told (by me) to take me to court to see our child. This was not taken lightly. This was due to DA toward me and some witnessed by my DC.
I won’t speak about what he did to me as this is separate to my worries when it comes to DC and all of our safety.
The reason I am debating this is because my DC is getting older, hasn’t seen dad in months and I don’t think he remembers him. He keeps asking about “daddy” here and there. He is 2 so too young to explain anything.

Things he (the dad) has done but is not restricted to:

Threw a bottle at me when I was pregnant and it gave me a black eye

Screamed down my ears and kicked me out having me carry heavy things when pregnant (all throughout)

Threw my DC Moses basket when he was younger (he wasn’t in it) because I was going to leave him.

Attacked me when my son was in the next room he was 1 and he came to see it and was hysterical. His dad didn’t care and he took my phone and went off leaving my son hysterical while I was calming him down

Told me me getting pregnant with my child was “one up” on his ex and she would be gutted

Threatened to come to my house when my DC was there

Threatened to petrol bomb my car(this would definitely affect my DC)

Told me if he had my son in his care and if he had to take him to hospital for something serious he would not let me or my family know, because I did not want to unblock him (he spoke well with my dad at the time and so spoke through him to me to filter out the abuse)

I have now moved and he doesn’t know where we are living, nor do I ever want him to, after his threats. But, I worry if I’m making the right choice is stopping contact completely.

How do I know if I’m making the right decision? I wouldn’t ever allow informal contact right away.

I am feeling so torn.

CONTEXT - he hasn’t seen him since last year, he tried to offer mediation which I refused due to DA.
He has not bothered with court.

Don’t communicate with him in any way. If he wants contact, he can argue for it in court. But don’t offer to set things up for the sake of your son. It will only make things harder and more complex. An absent dad is a better option than an unreliable and abusive one.

Ok thank you for your comment.
I just can’t shake the feeling of am I doing the right thing by my son and when he is older will he resent me for it

Have you reported these incidents, threats and attacks to the police? It would strengthen your case if it went to court

I didn’t because of certain circumstances I can’t really discuss. I have, however, got it all reported to a domestic abuse service who has had reports and contact with me for years.
I was and still am far too scared to report to the police for certain reasons.

Domt contact him. dont facikitate a man to have contact with a yoing child, boy or girl, to learn how to abuse women. It is not someone sho needs to be near ypur son. It will be catastrophic.
Hold some strsngth. Do uou want your xhild to tuen into this man, learn from him? Of course not.
Make sure you have advixe from.teh domestic abuse services and things are on record and photos are available if possible. As a back up.
Do not contact him. Be strong for your son. He deserves love, not hate, in his life.

It’s his fathers responsibility to ensure he gains access if he wants it. If he doesn’t then it’s his father who he should resent for not going for contact. You don’t have to facilitate your abuser having access to you or your child.

Don’t poke the bear just stay away

I agree

I have so much evidence on texts and photos should I need it.
Ideally I’d love to press charges but honestly I am too scared.

You know this EXACT statement “don’t poke the bear” was running through my head

I think I’m really feeling bad right now because he’s beginning to ask about him or notice he is not there, at least.

And if he saw him and his dad abused him you’d also feel bad. There’s no perfect result because his dad is a bad man. You have no idea if he’d be confined to a contact centre or given access to your child outside of one. Why tempt fate.

Yes, you’re right. Thank you.
I suppose I’m just struggling with my emotions right now, really. He doesn’t have male role models which I do appreciate.

If you owned a Ferrari and he wanted to borrow it would you let him if he had multiple driving convictions?
Very doubtful?
So why offer up something of greater value to a cunt of a man ?

An old friend got back wigh a similar man
.even had another dc..
Such was the false sense of security she got she left him with the dc one day.
He gamed upstairs while their ds played in a babywalker upstairs..
No baby gate..
He went to jail.
Doesn't change their ds is disabled now.

I love this statement and I hear it. Where my struggle lies is, people have said to me that he is his dad etc etc. Which again I do hear, but he’s not just a man he’s an abuser

That’s heartbreaking 💔 😢