Someone to talk to …. Opinions wanted

[Isthisadream12]

So I don’t know how to cut this down but I didn’t feel a bond with my daughter until 9 months and then 11 co parent as I was ill and the help should have been there prior to pregnancy but it’s took hurdles and all sorts won’t go into detail for me now to not have little one permanent and my illness got worse since not and took more hurdles to actually be listened to, honestly I wish I had someone to share the whole experience with but I don’t trust anyone and have barely no one. I’ve just got on with life whatever it throws I have ptsd which was only diagnosed few years ago due of childhood trauma which never really understood why it would come out now and then since have a baby got worse and no one was their to help now being punished. Baby’s dad I think is a narcissist and coercive control but I have feelings for him but don’t it’s weird I feel numb now never said a word about him but I have nothing to loose now what would you do I know it’s hard to grasp but don’t want to divulge everything

None of this really makes sense to me. What are you asking?

Sorry OP what exactly are you asking?

You didn't bond with your daughter until she was 9 months old

When she was 11 months old you became unwell

This meant you had to co-parent with her father, which took some arranging, he wasnt supportive before or after birth

You now share custody and this is difficult for you

Your illness got worse and you were diagnosed with PTSD from childhood trauma. This has been worse since having your daughter.

You have feelings for your daughters dad even though youre not together which confuses you, because hes coercive and controlling.

Youre feeling confused about all of this and wonder how others in similar situations have managed.

Would that be a fair assessment?

You have described complicated emotional issues.

Some women's charities offer therapy. Or you can find support groups for people with similar issues - again women's charities can help here. Or private therapy if affordable.
If difficult feelings rise up suddenly, you can call Samaritans - you don't have to tell them your name or any details.