Can’t stand the constant arguing

[gAfadve]

Please can someone help me
with the constant arguments and fighting between my 12 and 9 year old? It’s literally driving me insane, not “it gets better” just how to stop it altogether, I’ve tried punishments, nothing works. Anyone been through this and how did you get it to stop?

Mine are younger but oh my god they drive me insane sometimes. You have my sympathy.

😭 yeah im past the point of “it gets better” if anything they are 10x worse.

Every time they start give them chores to do. And a pound deducted from allowance. Every single time they do it
You will have a very clean house and a full wallet by Christmas

It’s not possible each time like earlier they were arguing whilst I was in the shower, cant even shower in peace

Mine are older and it hasn’t got better. We divide and rule and try to keep them apart as much as possible. I’m hoping when they are in their 30s they may get on 😬

My mum came down on us like a ton of bricks on the few ocasions we bickered loudly enough (usually tired after a particularly long day at school/stressed before exams etc).....in that situation, she would have 100% stepped out of the shower, screamed at us, and physically take each of us to our rooms. Was that good parenting? I don't know. But 9 and 12 are old enough to know they are being little shits.

I shouted from the shower but I wasn’t getting out 😬

Honestly, what works is separating them. Dh and I do different things with them on weekends. We also quite regularly take them away solo. This works well because we have a farm and it’s really difficult for us both to be away at the same time. That doesn’t mean we never have a family holiday, we do. But Dh will take one away camping and the other stays home that weekend and does something special with me. And then we switch next time and the other goes away and does something with one of us. It means they get a good solid break from each other regularly. We also have a lounge and a spare room with a tv and I banish them to different parts of the house.

Im a single parent, otherwise that would have been a good idea

What's the bickering over?

I mostly leave mine to it unless it becomes physical. If they are arguing over an item or toy, it gets taken away.

For things like showers, go back to basics... "I'm going for a shower. X in here, Y in there, any messing and you're both on a screen ban".

They’d argue over the other one breathing lol

You don’t need to.
You finish, calmly go to where they are, say I heard exactly what you were doing a few minutes ago. The plan has changed. Get the dusters out. You have 30 minutes cleaning time.

No clue but going through this. The last week it nearly broke me.