3yo using the potty as an elaborate bedtime delaying tactic ?

[Singlemumofoneanddone]

Has anyone else experienced this?

My 3-year-old has recently discovered that needing the potty is an excellent way of delaying bedtime, and she is getting increasingly creative with it.

As soon as I say it’s time for bed, she suddenly needs the potty. Sometimes she’ll even demand that we use a specific bathroom in the house.

Then once she’s on the potty, she’ll decide she wants to play the piano. This involves me putting the potty somewhere with a suitable surface in front of her so it can become her pretend keyboard, and she’ll happily sit there playing imaginary piano for ages.

She also quite often demands that I leave the bathroom and sit/stand just outside the room itself. I always keep the door open, obviously, but apparently my presence inside the bathroom is unacceptable while she conducts her business 😂.

I obviously don’t want to ignore a genuine need to use the toilet, but I’m becoming increasingly convinced that this is at least partly a bedtime stalling tactic.

Do I just accept that this is a normal 3-year-old phase and go along with it? Or is there a sensible way to set a boundary without making her feel like she can’t ask to use the toilet?

Would love to hear if anyone else’s child has gone through this and what you did!

Incorporate use of the potty/toilet into her bedtime routine. And either she goes or she doesn’t. Wait a reasonable time (like you would for yourself) and then out her to bed.
Oh and no faffing with keyboards etc.

My 3 year old went through a phase of this. I would always let her go but would tell her that she could go but then it was straight back into bed, so when she came out and tried to find another delay tactic I would redirect her back to bed. So basically that was the boundary- toilet was okay but nothing else. It didn't work straight away and at one stage she would literally just sit on the toilet or potty for ages and ages and keep saying she was still going when she obviously wasn't I would just leave her until she eventually said she was done and then straight back into bed. Eventually she stopped though and now she'll only go when she genuinely needs it and she goes straight back into bed easily after because she knows she won't get to do anything else.

Of course it is a bedtime stalling tactic, 3 year olds are clever!

First thing is get her on the toilet not a potty, 3 year olds are perfectly capable of using a toilet with a child seat and a step stool.

Use the loo as part of her bedtime routine

If she says she needs to go get her on the toilet then back to bed.
You just have to say no to requests like the piano or books or using particular bathrooms.

My DD did go through a phase of mysteriously needing a wee at bedtime every night after we had said good night etc. She basically worked out that it was the only thing we weren’t going to say no to! We just made it as non-fun as possible, on the toilet, back to bed, quick goodnight. She just got bored and stopped doing it eventually.

Is she very newly potty trained? What you’re describing with the stalling isn’t uncommon if they think it’ll work but I’m just a bit baffled by moving an actual potty around and the piano playing?? I’d incorporate into her bedtime routine on the actual toilet and get her to go before and after bath- double voiding is good if you’re trying to get her dry at night and it totally avoids needing it again so you can shut that right down if she says she does. Also if she’s still napping the faffing at bedtime might mean she’s ready to drop it.

Just bri g bedtime forward to incorporate this. Not sure I'd let her play whilst toileting.

The problem is the order- potty then straight to bed.
I would do bath, potty, story time then bed.

Then extra potty time just delays story time (or piano time with a keyboard)

My niece has been onto this since shortly after her 2nd birthday. I’ve seen some hilarious videos from a phase where my brother and his wife had to each evening light a candle on a fake plastic birthday cake and present it to her singing happy birthday, as she sits on the potty 🤣. Things have moved on (!) but she still delays and they do actually quite like the evening time on the loo now (she’s now 3 years 3 months). Because she’s using delay tactics, she’s most chatty and willing to tell them about her day

Agree with PP’s, she’s too old for the potty and doesn’t need the piano. Just make going to the toilet as boring as possible before bed, give her a couple of attempts like before and after her bath.

The wanting privacy thing is totally normal at that age.

One thing to consider is that not everyone has the same cycle. She may be more of a poo after breakfast person. I’d honestly set a time limit and say after 5 mins, well I guess the poo is shy let’s do story time. It’s not healthy to be sitting on a toilet or potty for ages trying to go. It’s better to listen to your body and go when you feel the urge to poo.