Bedtimes STILL hard work at age 5!

[Loulucky8]

My girl is 5. Bed times have always taken a long time - no less than an hour to get to sleep from going up to bed no matter what time we start.

Routine is always the same :
6.30 supper (overnight oats/fruit/toast and honey or pb) plus a magnesium chewqble gummy to help with sleep then begin wind down (lower lights in living room,calm play or movement play depending on how shes feeling).

7.15 - 7.30 up to bed. She reads a book to her capability and then i read one.
7.45 lights off.
She then seems to be entirely unable to regulate herself and chatters constantly and figits rearranging all the pillows, duvets and generally shifting around loads. Needs me on the bed telling her no talking constantly or she wouldnt switch off at all. Needs me stroking her back or holding hand too.

This takes a full hour before she falls asleep. Is this usual?

We have no tv, very little sugary foods, have a great strong connection but bedtimes are just taking so long! There has been some sensory issues at a younger age but nothing else which i can point to as being a concern - HELP!

Does she need food that close to bedtime? My DD can’t get to sleep if she has food right before bed.

Is she nearly 6 or just 5, and what time does she get up?

I don’t think I’d want to make her concentrate by getting her to read aloud just before bed if you’re having trouble settling her down.

I’d try pushing bedtime a bit later and let her be more active for longer, ie start wind down quite a lot later. If I had 1 hr 15 mins of wind down before bed I’d be a bit twitchy by bedtime and much more so as a 5 year old.

It was normal here and probably for a few years after 5. I agree it's taxing and frustrating though.

Have you got a Yoto or Tonie box. My 4 year old is very similar and it’s made a huge difference to bedtime for us.
We do his normal bedtime routine and then he chooses a card and then lies down to listen to it with the lights off. He was quite excited the first couple of nights and kept fiddling around with the cards, but now he happily settles and usually falls asleep within about 15-20 minutes (and very, very rarely comes out of his bedroom after I say goodnight).
It’s worked really well for us, so might be worth a try!

Why not let her be and pop back to check on her. You're treating her like a much younger child.

Why does she need supper? When’s her proper dinner?

Maybe she needs to go bed later - 7.15 is early!

My little boy is younger (almost 3) but we are pretty strict about bed and always have been.

We do dinner at 5.45.
Shower, bath and into pjs.
Book or something else low stimulating.
Then into bed about 7 and he'll pick a tonie to listen to and have a cuddle with us. Then we leave.

He then stays in bed but may play with his teddies, tonie or a toy he's picked but we leave him to it. Sometimes he chats away to himself. And he drops off when ready.

If he asks for a tickle or handhold, we agree ok 2 minutes. Not for hours.

Are you sure you need to sit there and stop her fidgeting and chattering to herself? It may just be her way of soothing herself.

I find the faffing much easier if I'm not there, mine gets left with their yoto and we go shower / tidy up / exercise etc. After so long (or if its late or they are exhausted) we'll change the yoto story to sleep music / meditation.

We've had some really hard times with sleep but at 5 they've seemed much more receptive to being left.

I don’t understand the supper thing - is that in addition to tea? Which is at what time? But that aside, some kids just find falling asleep really hard. 2 of mine have been like that and kt blighted my evenings for years tbh! Melatonin (prescribed) has been a godsend. Some just have busy brains.

Just leave her to it. Stop fussing around her and let her fall asleep when she’s ready.

@Loulucky8 solidarity we have a 6.5 year old who struggles to go to sleep. It's better in the autumn/winter when it's darker and he can kind of burrow into his bed 🤣 Summer is always harder because it's light, hot and he can hardly tolerate a sheet on him, which means he's flailing about even more 🤦

He even said to me about how they talked in school about bedtimes etc and "do you know mum, some of them just get into bed and fall asleep?!" Like this was some absolutely mind blowing concept.

I'd push bedtime a bit later, have some active play before supper (we do this too, it's his main cue for winding down) maybe you read to her instead of her reading as it might be more relaxing?

Good luck!

6.30 supper (overnight oats/fruit/toast and honey or pb)
very little sugary foods

She's eating sugar/carbs which turn into sugar right before you're sending her to bed. Why is she eating so close to bedtime?

Also not sure why she is eating so late. But can't you leave her after her story and be a bit firmer that it's bedtime now
When my daughter was 5 she loved books and was an early reader. Sometimes she would be awake until 9.30- 10.00 reading happily but she never bothered us by coming out of her room. She has always been a night owl and not so good getting up in the morning. Maybe your daughter needs to go to bed a little later, everyone is different but you shouldn't need to stay with her that long. I would gradually shorten that period with her over a couple of weeks. It sounds like something you have got into but now need to break that habit.

Start with simplifying the routine:

No food or tv after dinner, so that DC and the home is calm. The start of bedtime should be when they are naturally tired and not excited. Then possibly a glass of milk (warm or cold), bath, clean teeth, pjs, short story with cuddle, comfort toy, kiss goodnight, lights out, door shut. Finish. Maximum of an hour. That's the ideal but adjust for your DC. Let her settle on her own but if she doesn't like the complete dark leave a glow light on outside her slightly open door.

She’s having a very sugary supper right before bed? Why are you not having a family dinner at 6/6.30? I’d try just pushing everything later, shes just not tired when you expect her to be. Lots of active play / exercise after school. Would she lie in bed and listen to an audiobook? Maybe better to get her to read to you earlier in the evening

I’d agree that this is an early bedtime for a five year old. She would probably be better off with a later bedtime and more activity or sports to tire her out. Ideally learning to go to sleep independently, being firm that it’s night night time now, Mummy has to go down and will come back up and check on you. No child really needs to be stroked to sleep, that is the routine they have got into

It seems like a routine more suited for a baby/toddler than a 5 year old at school. Why is she having porridge at 6.30pm? What time does she have her actual tea at? It seems a big meal to be having so soon after her tea.

Also children do not need great long "wind down" time before bed. It either means they're not tired at 6.30pm and the long times of making them be quiet can just cause them to become bored, fussy and contribute to stalling and faffing. It can also lead them to become overtired. I can almost guarantee this is contributing to your problem.

She's 5. I'd get rid of the "calm or movement play" and wind down time. I've got a 4 year old, he's forever running about, loud playing, music instruments before going up to bed! I'd take her up to bed around 7.30/8 and then a just very quick bed routine of bath, story, bed and then leave her to it.

Agree with previous posters - she doesn't "need" you there. Leave her to it, to fidget, wriggle, talk to herself. Pop in at increasing intervals until she's asleep

I agree that she may need to wriggle and fidget a bit before bedtime and it doesn't necessarily help to have you there telling her no. I'd try saying night night and leaving her, see how she gets on.

Why are you staying there after you’ve read her bedtime story? Why not just leave and go downstairs? I also think, unless she’s a super confident reader, the books she reads might be better done downstairs as part of play/being wide awake/thinking. Unless she’s happy just pootling along with a few herself but you don’t need to be there for that.