Hello! We have two young boys, one is nearly 4 and the other is about to turn one years old. I am always feeling frustrated with my in-laws, to the point where I am wondering if I am the one in the wrong? My partner was always defensive but even he is now starting to get fed up with it.
So here is the background, I went back to work (part time) after my first child when he turned one. We paid for childcare most days and my Mum (who is single and works full time) helped look after him one of those days when I worked from home. We have never had expectations of the other grandparents ( my partners parents) who have never helped with childcare, which we understood. But here is the thing, they always have the other grandkids, and I mean always.. They have them so my sister in law can go out to drink, they have them so she can work.
I have now taken voluntary redundancy since having my second child as the only childminder in the area has retired which left me totally stuck. I have accepted that but we are going struggle financially for a while.
Now where my issue lies with my in laws is that they never bother with my children, they never visit or message and I have to go visit them and they only live 2 miles away. This would be fine if that was the kind of grandparents they are but they are so attentive and full on with their other grandchildren. We are also living in an older house that requires quite a bit of work, we have done bits here and there and paid for contractors when we can afford it. However my father in law is a builder and my brother in law is a joiner, we have asked them for help and they just ignore our requests. We find this unusual when my father in law bent over backwards to help my sister in law with her house when she bought it. I feel for my partner as he has been given no support by his family and even he is starting to feel like they have something against us.
I have definitely struggled with PPD after my second baby and the stress of doing everything by myself without a village has been overwhelming, my partner works long hours to support us. Believe me I get that we decided to bring these children into the world but I always thought family would be there to support you, especially during harder times. I’m not looking for free babysitters, just a bit of extra help here and there. Am I being unreasonable for feeling exhausted and fed up with them?