Two-year-old hitting and pulling hair around certain children, advice please

[Pinkfuzzyduck33]

My two year old has started being quite physical with their friends. They are very sociable, happy and love playing with others, however I have noticed recently they are starting to get physical with certain friends they have, normally pulling hair or hitting.

Two of these children are younger than them by quite a bit and are in their grabby stage where they often take toys from my little one or grab them because they are just being toddlers ! It started in retaliation and frustration to these things and now seems to happen as a preventative before they get near my child. The other child they are physical with often picks on my child in more subtle ways (they are older) by taking things from them, pinching them or pushing them so it is more in retaliation but my child will do it to a much more obvious level so often gets told off by other grown ups.

I know hurting other children is always wrong but as their mum I can see and understand my child’s triggers more obviously and am getting really worried other children won’t like them or adults will label them as unkind. I would like to add this is a very small number of children and they have many more good friends they have never so much as frowned at and play so nicely with.

Also although they have good speech they are not as advanced as their friends, they are currently potty training and we are expecting another child 🤣 all of which I know will be contributing to their stress !

I know it’s probably just a developmental phase but would love some reassurance from other parents of children who have gone through this stage and come out the other side or what any parents did to help their child manage their emotions in these situations.i would love to nip this in the bud !

My DD saw another child hitting at a playgroup when she was the same age as yours - she obviously decided that it was an ok thing to do and started hitting. I took her out of the environment immediately, every time she did it. She soon got the message.
I also wouldn't be having the older child near mine - unless you're v close to the parents and can have a conversation about it, agreeing the same tactic.
Play with the other friends!

When my child went through a hitting phase, I found that the only thing that worked was, after ONE warning, to take him straight home.

Before you arrive, remind them about using kind hands and talk about what they can do if someone takes their toy (or whatever) instead of hitting. Tell them that if they hurt anyone they will be going straight home.

When you arrive, quick reminder about behaviour.

While they're playing you need to be on top of any issues brewing. Sometimes things happen out of nowhere, so not always possible, but try.

If your child responds to conflict without hitting at any point, give them lots of praise.

That's all you can do really! It's a phase, they will grow out of it.

Stop meeting them for a bit, or stick to your child like glue to grab them if they lunge at another child. It's either that or your friends will suddenly all be too busy to meet up and have their babies pummled. At least it should pass quickly, toddlers develop rapidly.