AIBU to think I shouldn't be kicked out of my home and forced into a hotel for the night

[Herbatnikdip]

35M here.

I have put a number of posts on mumsnet asking for some more objective clarity on some the disagreements between myself and my wife.

Today is a more minor one than previously. These kind of debates have in some ways defined our three year marriage.

My wife (38F and successful high achieving professional) is not letting me into the private spaces of our home or touching my kids because earlier today I tried to fix her bike without gloves.

I got a small amount of grease on my hands. I have washed it off and clipped my nails, see pictures attached.

Currently my wife is insisting that I stay in a hotel tonight and that I cant spend time with or touch my children (daughter 21 months or daughter 7 months) because she is worried about the risk of contamination from the grease harming them. Also we had plans to make some Ikea furniture which needs to be postponed for the same reason. No amount of washing/ cleaning will convince her that I am safe.She thinks she is an educated professional who googled grease which is harmful if ingested or swallowed by children.

Am I being unreasonable thinking that its unreasonable that I should be kicked out of my home and not allowed to see my children because of this?

Just read OPs update.

He’s allowed to write a letter to the psychiatrist…

Thr children have been kept away from everyone their entire little lives. No socialising, no family members letting them know they are loved and cherished. No little friends. No gifts. No little parties or play dates.

Totally isolated.

OP if your still reading - that’s devoted mother you write about is going to be a truly suffocating dictator who is going to suck all the joy out of her children’s lives. They will most likely be on here in 30 years talking about her and their passive dad who let her do it.

The MOST important time in a child’s life is the first 6 years. I strongly recommend a book called They F* You Up: How to Survive Family Life_ by clinical psychologist Oliver James

It covers things such as how family dynamics can shape a child’s sense of self, conscience and later relationship patterns, and how those patterns can continue into adulthood.

I know she is mentally unwell, but have you had a joint session with her psychologist, or have you had separate couples counselling? I understand not wanting to separate from someone when they are in this state and from another country, so not local for family to help, but you are teaching your children that physical and mental abuse is ok. I have a dad who enables my narcissistic mother by accepting her ways, and ultimately I resent him so much for not fixing the problems when he had the chance. Do something now before your children are permanently impacted, please.

@Herbatnikdip you are enabling her behaviour if you go to a hotel. She had two babies in 14 months. She is clearly very unwell.

Time to end the secrecy. If she assaults you call the police. Tell all the family now what you have told us. You need back up. Copy and paste this thread and send it to your family if you find it difficult to speak.

Protect the children.

but she is an extremely devoted mother.

Like hell she is.

Op you have to divorce and get full custody of the kids, the damage she is doing is dreadful. This will ruin their lives if she remains in control.

Thank you for this post. This sounds so similar to our situation, the washing hands and all the other stuff. Im so sorry it's been so hard for you. Im going to delete this post because of a mistake in one of my posts, but would be interested in a private message if possible.

Can you not just wear gloves when handling the kids if your hands still stink of chemicals even after washing them? Sleep in the spare room one night if the smell bothers her? I suffer from extreme sensitivities and ocd but kicking you out of the house sounds insane.

She has had 2 kids very quickly - youngest 5mths and preg again - does she have pnd

as what she has suggested is insane and I would babe said no if I was you

Thank you this is helpful. I am evolving my approach to something like this, though in truth I don't always manage to be so calm or compassionate

It sounds very like contamination OCD. I know someone with it, and unfortunately they do not receive the proper help. Everyone enables them as they make life impossible unless you dance to their tune.
It is incredibly damaging.

You need a therapist too op to help manage and unload

I worry what will happen when one of the children gets ill or gets something like chickenpox. Will she use boiling water or lock them outside. You need to go to the hotel op and take your kids

She needs help and soon. your health matters too and the children's. She is harming you all. go and speak with her GP and see if anything can be done. otherwise you need to leave and take the children with you.