School not stopping ongoing bullying, should I move my children?

[Mamato3littles]

DD age 8 has been tormented by bully since age 3 nursery. Ranging from strangling her to biting her to threatening her to swearing at her.
I’ve had numerous calls, meetings & emails with school & they keep making false promises. I’m furious with school in particular the head teacher & would like to move my children (also have DS 5 & DD 2.5) to another school. My partner is dead against moving the kids but I feel it deep in my mama heart that it would be best for us all.
School started back 1 week ago & already I had to collect DD at lunchtime because she wasn’t feeling well. As soon as we got home, she burst into tears sobbing that she had a horrible day & then told me the bully had swore at her which is why she wanted to come home. The head teacher saw it happen but didn’t tell me.
I’m upset, angry, depressed over these issues & desperately want to feel better & for my kids to be happy. I love my kids so much & we have so much fun together so I don’t want them & me to be so miserable at school. I’m also super stressed with partner not supporting my thoughts & while he’s working, it’s me dealing with school drops offs & bullying issues.
Need to vent & need some advice please fellow mums

Why is your “D”P against a school move and is he DD’s natural father?

FML just move them. All this 'you need to get on with people in life and this is a good way to learn' is bollocks. No you don't need to get on with everyone in life and in school you cant get away from them. Teach the kids that if they arnt happy then they have the power to change it. By changing schools jobs etc. kids will be fine. We go on and on about kids needing stability. Yes but also adult life is not stable for alot of people - house moves, relationships, jobs etc. All kinds of stress. Change often helps develop resilience if approached in the right way. That's only a good thing.

If it has been going on that long then yes move them as the school won't do anything. Sometimes it seems the schools like the bullies the best. Just a word of warning though that most school seem awful at dealing with bullying. Your partner needs to get a grip.

Move them all. I moved 3 from primary. They settled extremely quickly.
Yabu to send a dc who is now faking illness back to the bullies. Shells strongly telling you to protect her.

Don't fail her like school have.

That’s disgusting that the school have done nothing about it. Why? I’d move the kids. And why is your husband tone deaf on the issue? That she has had to put up with this for so long from such a young age is appalling.

This, or the school always comes up with “ah but #reasons” why the bully cannot be addressed or stopped!

She's spent 5 of her 8 yrs alive being bullied...! 😨

Move her.
Even if you keep the other kids in the same school.

Just move them. As much as schools can try, they cannot stop all types of bullying (I work across primary and secondary). I moved my own daughter due to bullying.

No amount of bullying policies, restorative practice etc etc helps when it becomes entrenched. It is simply easier to leave and let children start again.

Move her. Move them all. Complain to the governors and explain you’re voting with your feet.

To be sent to a place where you know someone is going to be horrid to you day after day, week after week, it feels like an endless punishment.

Move them now!!

They really should have expelled the bully - she strangled your daughter! And five years!

But they won't, so yes, bloody hell, move your daughter. If the HT is telling you this, then they are telling you the bullying will not stop and they can't protect your daughter.

Give your poor daughter a chance and move schools. Pro-longed bullying takes a terrible toll on children.

Move her. We had to do the same after months of school ignoring then gaslighting us and our child - our email explaining why the sudden move was answered with 'we (school) did everything right etc etc' BUT on the last day on pick up, the head met us at the school gate and left us with 'I don't blame you...' 😮that alone just said to me that the schools are so hamstrung they are powerless to do anything meaningful so its up to you as parents to protect your child. Our child barely remembers any of it now thankfully, but the impact at the time was profound (asking to kill themselves as not 'worthy' to be alive etc).

Protect your child by moving her asap.

Sorry but I do agree with this. Your poor daughter. Adults would not be expected to walk into an office every day where they are being abused and physically attacked yet we expect children too.

If you are able, I would pull her out of school with immediate effect rather than making her continue to go in every day until a place at another school comes up.

I really want to hear from mums that stay in their home & relationship for their children & family. Not the mums who are probably happier now they’ve left but the ones who don’t want their children to come from a broken home & who would rather be unhappy in love but make their children happy & safe.
How do you do it?

Being with him is directly harming your kids as he's preventing her escaping the bullying.

You think kids can't tell that their parents actually hate each other??

Dude, we aren't going to tell you to stay with an asshole 'for the sake of family'.
A healthy split up home is better than a stay together one with parents that don't work together/be a team.

I'd agree, but will any other school necessarily be better? It's awful that teachers on here are saying schools can't stop this. A child that is attacking other children shouldn't be in mainstream school-I'm generally very positive about inclusion, but not to the point bullying is happening that the teachers can't stop. This just didn't happen a generation ago, including in a deprived school. If a child had attacked other kids/teachers, they'd have been out, and their parent would have been ashamed, or at least admitted their child shouldn't be in mainstream.

He criticises me as a mother, he says I do nothing all day as a stay at home mum when my 2 year old is wild & makes mess constantly which I clean up & can’t do what actually needs done at home because I’m chasing my little 2 year old hurricane. I LOVE being a mum, seriously & honestly it’s everything I wanted. Is it exhausting? Yes. Is it magical? Yes. I want this! I wanted a family not just children & I feel like I’m carrying way more than I should be while being criticised for doing or not doing anything.

Stick up for yourself. Roll your eyes and tell him “oh do shut up, you wouldn’t last a week in my position.” etc. Don’t let it upset you or make you question yourself. You know better than him since your the one at home experiencing it!

Is your husband the oldest ones dad?

Dad to all my children