Daughter with ADHD and autism starting university, worried about self care

[CoralDeer]

My daughter, who has been diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) and autism is going to university (away from home) in September. I’m so happy for her. I worry for her as her self care in not good - doesn’t wash hair or brush teeth regularly amount other things. Sometimes she just looks dirty. I’ve tried talking (very gently) to her but she gets very defensive so I back off. I’m so worried that comments will be made or she’ll find making friends difficult. She’s also not very interested in getting ready for her move away from home. Should I worry or will things sort themselves out? Advice or words of reassurance from anyone who has gone through this, please.

There is an App called dubbii that helps with body doubling there are parts of the ap that deal with the issues you mentioned this may help your daughter

Has she got DSA? Brain in hand app might be funded.
Our daughter got an ensuite room ( DSA paid for the difference in price) and this helped.

Would she be able to help to come up with some strategies or schedules before she goes? Maybe some colour coded routines, daily essentials, desirable and extra if going to a social event?

Make sure she has toiletry essentials and she could use notes on her phone to set up what to buy when things run out.

Have you registered with uni disability services?

Would she consider ADHD coaching? You may be able to get help with funding for this if it would be useful. Agree that dubii might also help.

If she is registered with uni disability services, ask if they have a mentoring scheme in place. It can make all the difference.

I can understand your worry. My ds is audHd (inattentive type) and similar in terms of self care. Luckily he is at our local uni but he has a major executive function collapse last year (1st yr) so don’t underestimate how hard it might be.

I would suggest hooking into dsa and wellbeing services early, recommending she join some societies suited to ND (eg boardgames) etc. Be very available to scaffold and best of luck. Manage expectations - I was sure my ds would be fine and I’m afraid he really wasn’t. Trying again this year.

My dd had an adhd mentor once a week for an hour as part of her dsa.