Child being exploited?

[Birdcatdog]

My 18 year old has announced she wants to move into her girlfriends family home. Apparently the mum is going travelling for 6 months and has offered my child to move in for £280 a month- not including food.
My child has just started their first job this week and the gf's mum knows it a decent wage -£27 grand.
I feel like the only person benefiting from this arrangement is the gf's mum and it feels like my child is being exploited. The mum would have to keep up the cost of her house whilst travelling as her own child will be living there. £280 is too much in my opinion? £50 a month would cover any costs but my child moving in wouldn't even be and additional person as the mum is leaving?
They live 10 minutes from our home and I have explained to my daughter that its a waste of money as she goes and stays at the gf's whenever she wants now. My child has specifically taken a year out to work and save for living cost when she goes to uni next year.
I feel like she is making bad financial decisions for no reason. She might not even know this girl in a year. They have only been together since February.
We dont have any strict rules at our house so I am confused on why she thinks she needs "independence". All of the things shes listed as independence such as shopping, cooking ect she could do at mine for free.
What am I going do to? Realistically I know I cant stop her. Im so sad

I would tell her she can play house and spend loads of time there without officially moving in….and then she doesn’t have to pay!

Actually moving in would intensify the relationship when they should just be having fun. She’s 18.

That is presuming she can do whatever she likes at home? Come and go as she pleases? No major restrictions? Can have friends and gf come over whenever?

My kids plan on staying home for years! 😂 To save and to have as little pressure as possible. They can do whatever they like here, have friends and partners stay, come and go as they please, and it’s free. Hopefully your daughter will see the benefits of living with you soon.

I don’t suppose there is much you can do if she won’t listen.

No idea, I asked if she was getting a tenancy agreement or any legal rights and she wasn't able to answer

No. She's doing a gap year and working so not a student.

It sounds like a fair amount and she gets to practice living independently before going to uni and whilst still having the safety net of returning home if she needs to. A lot of her peers will already be living away from home so I don’t think it’s unusual that she might want more independence now.

There are no rules, she comes and goes as she pleases. She not expected to do chores. We dont ask for money off her. The only we ask is that she is quiet when little sister is going to sleep, so maybe like an hour of not screaming whilst playing video games.
Gf has stayed at our house and was very welcome. We are supportive of the relationship and like gf

I think you should hide your sadness and worries about spending, and wave her off smiling. Make sure she knows she can come home any time, and offer to have them both over every other Sunday for lunch or something similar. See how the playing house works out - at least they are not renting a shabby flat together. And she won't fall pregnant so just try to make the best of it. 💐

12.4% of income in rent is not exploitation.

It's a poor decision not because the owner is overcharging (would you find the rent unreasonable if the other woman living in the house was a stranger rather than your daughter's girlfriend?) but because your daughter is spending her limited money on a place to live when she already has one for free when she has said that saving is her priority. I'd focus on that, rather than trying to present the mother in a bad light - but ultimately it's your daughter's choice.

Given that she is only 18 and presumably has never rented or negotiated rent before, I WOULD make sure that (1) your daughter has her own designated bedroom, even if she doesn't plan to use it as such (2) her access is clearly outlined - for example, she has a room and use of specified utilities and can also freely use the kitchen, bathroom, common areas, garden, laundry facilities, etc. as part of the deal, not only at her girlfriend's invitation and (3) the length of the contract is stated and she's protected even if she falls out with her girlfriend.

I think she mad then, but, you’ve given her your opinion, so let her do whatever she likes without saying any more. Once she is paying for stuff herself and having to actually do all the cooking, cleaning, maintaining of a house, she may well be back. She’ll spend money she could save for uni so it’s crazy, but teens don’t always think things through. She’ll be safe, so it’s not like it’s a really bad thing to do, just a bit stupid in the circumstances.

But no matter how nice and tolerant and easy-going you are, living with your parents and little sister is not the same as living with your girlfriend. This aspect seems to be what you’re struggling with, OP, but in reality it’s completely normal for an older teenager to want to live away from their parents. Don’t you remember being 18?

If you moved out at 18 and got pregnant then your daughter is hardly likely to repeat your mistake given that you refer to her having a girlfriend.

half the country moves out at 18 to go to university and quite a few of the ones who don’t go to uni also move out.

if you are really concerned about her not treating your mistakes then maybe a talk about contraception or the implant but I would have thought two girls are unlikely to run the risk of accidental pregnancy (unless you are going to drip feed that one or both are trans)

Do you live with your parents? Or did you want to move out?

For what it’s worth.. I moved out at 18, I moved in with my then boyfriend, 6 months after that.
I had a very happy home with my parents and I now know it broke my mums heart.. but.
I am and have always been much more self sufficient and independent than my brother. I learnt quickly how to budget and run my own home.
I worked to support myself through university.
And the boy I moved in with? Married 17 years with 2 children. It’s not always so bad.
I also ALWAYS knew, if things went south, I could always come back.
Looking back, I craved ‘adulthood’ which I never would have got living at home. Do I wish I stayed at home longer? Yes probably, but that’s with a perspective of an adult who’s lived the life I chose.
Young adults (which your 18 year old DD is) want to and need to make their own decisions and mistakes. It’s part of growing up - let her, and be there in case she needs you.

She’ll move if she wants to, regardless of what you say. Love her through it. It may just work out.

😂 no chance of pregnancy. Its the dropping out of education when the time comes im worried about. I am worried about how 2 teens are going to navigate a relationship living together so soon. I am worried that she is wasting min 6 grand a year which could be better used elsewhere- investing or travelling

Thank you. Did you both go to the same uni? These are going the opposite sides of the country

I moved out, it was a terrible decision and a terrible relationship.

For me as a teenager, earning 27k without uni would've been a risk factor for me not going to uni than moving in with a partner. If I can already support myself with the burden of uni debt, I'd definitely have been tempted to give it a try. Plus, without baby, you can always go when you're a few years older.

Job was given to her by my partner and if worse comes to the worse and she cant find employment after degree she could go back to work with my partner

Life isnt all about sound financial decisions and investment in the future. Especially at age 18! It's also about living and experiences and finding joy. Isn't it ok for your daughter to do something that might bring her joy, new experiences, playing house, making decisions, being a grown up! It's so exciting at that age. Not everything has to be a sensible decision. Let her live a bit.

No, he didn’t go to university until much later. He worked long days/nights, I worked in pubs around university. It wasn’t always perfect but we managed.
sending you hugs, you must be feeling all the things, but sometimes they just spread their wings quick. And I’m sure you’d always welcome her back if needed.

They're two biological women? They're unlikely to get pregnant... Let her have her 6 month shag pad.

And? Your daughter doesnt need to pay if she isnt happy with it. Noone is forcing her to go. She is choosing to go. If she changes her mind then hopefully all will be fine.

she is wasting min 6 grand a year

How did you calculate that? £280*6 months= £1680.

This!