Advice, Dad bedtime routine with EBF baby

[newmumjc]

Hello

I am hoping for some advice/experiences with partners putting EBF and fed to sleep baby to bed.

Due to various reasons I have always done the nighttime routine/put to bed with my 7 month old EBF baby. I also feed to sleep for the most part although notice this is no longer 100%effective and feels DS is naturally (although gradually) moving away full from its reliance.

Husband and I would like for him to be able to put the baby to sleep at night occasionally so that I can hopefully attend a couple of social things for myself that overlap with bedtime. We just don't really know where to start or if we have messed up by not introducing it sooner as I always feed to sleep and then put baby down and stay upstairs with him while husband works. Husband can do the naps during the day but those are pram naps, baby tends not to nap in the crib (something else we need to work on but it suits our current lives ATM) but does go down in there at night.

My husband did previously give baby a bottle of expressed milk in the early evenings but due to baby getting sick and then some busy weeks for him work wise that kind of fell away but I guess reintroducing a bottle may be a good place to start? We have a loose routine of things we do before bed (not always at the same time as it is fluid depending on the last nap time)

Grateful for any experiences/advice please :)

I’d start by trying to reintroduce the bottle and tighten up the routine to make it a set order of specific things that your husband takes over for a while so the new routine becomes associated with Dad. Be prepared for a bit of resistance, not settling as well, maybe wake ups at first, but with consistency you’ll probably get there. Main thing would be to do plenty of trial runs ahead of you going out so DS gets used to it. Also, you can try to go out somewhere nearby for a less important occasion the first time so you can come home if it’s a disaster.

Dad should have been a lot more involved until now and developed his own routine. Babies do know the difference between caregivers, he does not need to replicate what you do exactly, he needs to learn to comfort his own child.

I also exclusively breastfed and never introduced a bottle. At that age, dad gave DS a cup of expressed milk, took him upstairs for bath time, stories, and then sang a song and rocked him to sleep.

If you really, really want dad to put him to sleep now, the best thing is for you to just leave them to it. Assuming you trust your DH to be kind and patient of course, just leave the house before bedtime. Baby may go to sleep a bit later but they will be fine IF your DH steps up and accepts that it will take a while. If he's the kind to give up after 20 minutes and call you to come back because baby is crying, just don't bother.

dont Worry at all that you’ve done it so far. I’d reintroduce the bottle but honestly I think you just need to go out and leave them to it. Dad doesn’t have to do exactly the same as you, he needs to work it out himself. Baby will sleep eventually. Go out; switch your phone off and enjoy the break

You've done nothing wrong. My first baby would not entertain going to sleep for dad, just me until past 12 months.

I went out a couple of evenings probably from around 10 months, to gigs. I'd get back midnight and baby still up screaming after dad tried getting to sleep for hours. As soon as I got in and took her, she'd fall asleep (on the boob) within minutes. So, it wasn't worth the distress and I just went out to 2 gigs until she was older. I went out occasionally on an afternoon instead.

Second baby was different, breastfed but hated feeding and never once fed to sleep. She was difficult for either of us to get to sleep tbh, both had to rock etc and hence dad could do her bedtime and we took turns with a 16 month gap

I just went out of I needed to and LO accepted a cup of milk. I don’t think there is any reason to introduce a bottle at this age as BF babies take so little anyway in comparison to FF babies.

How do they cope if you go out for a few hours in the day and leave them to it?

Thank you for the helpful and reassuring responses :)

I think I do need to let them work it out... i had a couple of early evenings out when he was a little younger but made sure to be back for feeding/bedtime I am hoping not to have to rush back now. It is just a monthly social event which is only 5 minutes along the road so easy enough to get back if need be...DH has been very much involved since birth in all aspects it is just the bedtime routine and putting to sleep has naturally fallen to me because of work and oir lifestyle etc... it just worked out that way it isn't that DH has been avoiding being involved....

When it is just DH and LO during the day or what not they manage just fine although admittedly I work it around feeding and leave a back up bottle jist incase but no issues.

DH is incredibly patient with LO and a very loving Dad who wants to get this right as much as I do so that I can get a little more me time back :)

I really appreciate everyone's experiences and feedback so far

Mine never took to bottles and were very resistant to anything but being fed to sleep. At 1 year for ds I introduced a sippy cup of milk at bedtime for dh to give him and then I kept out the way. Dd was a terrible sleeper and eater and just wanted to bf all night long which was impossible because I was back at work so we started the sippy cup at 10 months with formula.

I have put both my EBF babies to bed every night until they weaned because it’s just easier tbh. First wasn’t a bottle refuser but the second one was. But as soon as they were comfortably on solids and eating well I started having a life after 7pm again and my husband just worked it out. With my first we all tortured ourselves getting him ‘used’ to my husband putting him to bed while I was in the house and it was horrible but once I was away he found a way and they made it work.
I also really wouldn’t worry about crib naps unless it’s something that causing you stress. Neither of my children had a single nap in their cribs (mostly because I’m never in the house) and they slept in them at night fine