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Parenting

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Mums who works nights help! My daughter (10) is breaking my heart!

2 replies

AzureSwan · 15/08/2026 16:45

I’d really appreciate some advice from other parents who work in residential/support care and have children at home.

I work full-time and usually do 1–2 sleep-ins/overnight shifts at work each week, so this isn't something I can realistically avoid altogether. And then im off for the rest of the week! So x2 24hr shifts max per week. I've started this job 2 months ago but its 1 month of training and then last month I have been covering 24hr shifts. My daughter cries and hates it everytime I leave.

My 10-year-old has been particularly upset tonight because I’m working away tomorrow and won’t be home until the following day. She’s literally just come back from Birmingham, so I think the timing has made it hit particularly hard. She was crying and telling me she needs me and has barely seen me lately.

I did try to get cover for tomorrow, but unfortunately couldn't. She was understanding in the end and even said, "at least you tried," but it absolutely broke my heart seeing her so upset.

I know lots of families have parents who work nights or stay away for work, and I don't want to make this into something bigger than it needs to be. I’m just wondering what other working parents have found helpful.

If your children struggle with you working overnight, what do you actually do to help them feel secure and connected when you're not there?

Things like routines, little traditions, ways of keeping in touch, preparing them for the nights you're away, or anything else that has genuinely worked for your family would be really appreciated.

And honestly, I'd also love to hear how you manage the parent guilt when they're really sad about you going. 😭

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ChateauMargaux · 15/08/2026 21:10

I do occasional nights away (I am a birth doula) and when my kids were younger.. 12 and above... I used to find the constant questions exhausting, 'do you think the baby will come today' and 'who will be collecting us from school today' - there was a whole bunch of scenarios.

Who is with her when you are working? I think you need to get in there before she does, explaining what will happen, repeating it and repeating alongside it what good things you will do on your days with her...

We have a whiteboard in the kitchen that we keep updated and we go through it every few days... constant repetition soothes the nervous system.

AnnaMagnani · 15/08/2026 21:21

It sounds as if it is very new to her. My DM worked nights but I have no memory of her ever doing anything else so it was normal to me growing up that one week she was doing nights and one week at home.

Things that were really positive - I was very proud of my mum's work. I was also very much aware that she needed to earn money for things for all of us.
I also liked having time with my dad without her there - we watched TV she didn't like, spent lots of time talking about stuff she wasn't interested in and so on so the one on one time with my dad was very special.

I'd suggest things she can do with her dad (am assuming this is who is looking after her when you are away) that are unique and fun for when you aren't there.

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