3.5yr old taking away dummy!

[Norastroud]

Hello,

I know it’s awful but my 3.5yr old still has a dummy at night only.
I’ve accidentally let him continue having it as he’s had a baby sibling & a few other lifestyle changes meaning I didn’t want to distrupt his sleep comfort.
Ive talked to him a lot about big boys don’t have dummy’s… he was not interested in the dummy fairy or exchanging it for a toy.

Last night I didn’t let him have it & he wouldn’t stop talking/ asking questions, asking for a drink etc & took about 1.5hrs to go to sleep.
then woke up at 12.30 hysterical, then went to the toilet & spotted a glow in the dark dummy in the bathroom & pounced on it.
I decided not to make a big deal about it as I knew if I took it off him he would scream & probably wake his sibling. He then went back to sleep with the dummy & slept through until 7.30am.

I won’t let him have it at bedtime today & see how this evening goes but my question is do children naturally grow out of their attachment to dummy’s or should I just be strict & take it away, make sure all the ones around the house are hidden & deal with the disruptive sleep?

as a child sucked my thumb & naturally just stopped

thanks!

In fairness it was really hot last night and my kids were up and down a lot for drinks, toilet, say goodnight etc. probably just because it was uncomfortable to sleep. I also slept badly! So I wouldn’t necessarily be blaming the lack of dummy for that… Just get rid of them all. At 3.5 it’s time and he’ll adapt quickly. I know he declined the dummy fairy but I still think it would be nice to reward his big boy achievement with a big boy present tomorrow for going the night without his dummy. Do that and hopefully you’ll never look back. DS was a dummy addict and transitioned immediately to the point where it made me wonder what I’d be worrying about and why I waited so long (he was also 3 and a half)! And I’d caution against the idea that they’ll naturally give it up… I know dummies are different but I still have a 9YO thumb sucker who is stubborn AF about it. These things are often easier when they’re younger!

I’m sure children do eventually grow out of them but I imagine it’s later than you’d like (I mean, 3.5 is presumably already later than you’d like). I’d just chuck them all out. You could take him to the shop to buy something to replace them eg a cuddly toy he can take to bed instead, or just a new toy to play with if he’s not fussed by cuddly toys. But yes, I’d throw them all out today so you’re not tempted to give them back

Mine naturally grew out of it before 3 but that’s because we were very strict after 1 year old that it was only ever for sleep, and we always removed it from his mouth once he’d dropped off. So it was only ever in his mouth for about ten minutes a day. I think if they’ve got it in a lot, or it’s in all through the night they cling to it more.

Do the dummy fairy and make it a big ticket toy he gets as a reward.

I’m sorry to say that you will have to go absolute cold turkey. For as long as there is a lingering dummy, your DC will find it and want it. There needs to be a ceremonial binning of all the dummies so DC can see they’ve gone. He may not want to exchange it for a toy but I’m sure there must be something he would be pleased to have that’s only for big boys who go to bed without a dummy.

It’s not awful, especially if it’s just at night, don’t beat yourself up about it.

My two DD were about 3 giving theirs up, they both left them for the “dummy fairy” and exchange for a present! I think they need to be ready for that though

Maybe leave it and keep working on him, some children leave it for Santa at Christmas for an extra present (not sure I’d want to be dealing with this at Christmas though tbh)

I sucked my thumb until I was about 6 and it was so hard to stop, and it did ruin my teeth (I had braces as a teen). An orthodontic dummy is better than that

Agreed! I sucked my thumb for longer and I’m so glad we got my son a dummy as a baby. It’s much easier to control and then remove! His teeth are perfect.

Thanks for all your advice, yes in fairness I did choose the absolute worst night to try as it was boiling last night!
il talk to him about what toy he would love in exchange for the dummys! Thank you

My son was about the same age when we did dummy fairy. He did cry the first few nights but then never asked again. Gotta throw them all out though.

I think ask yourself why you want to take something that brings comfort and sleep?

Sometimes with parenting we actually do things because we feel pressure to conform and really we are doing it for approval from other people/ societies beliefs etc.

I appreciate mine may not be a popular view and I will admit my DD had hers on occasion until she was eight 😮
Naturally came to an end when she went on a residential school trip and she popped it in bin. No talking delays or teeth issues.

I wouldn’t stress about it

I don’t think the studies showing the increased risk of dental issues, speech delays, and ear infections are because the researchers want to conform to societal pressure.

And the fact that it’s possible for a child to use a dummy until the age of 8 without having issues with their teeth or with their speech does not mean that the increased risks aren’t there.

Daughter and SIL did the Dummy Fairy thing, all dummies disappeared one night and a small gift was left for each one removed. There was a letter from the DF explaining that she needed the dummies back because there were a lot of new babies arriving who needed them...

No trouble, just putting a different view.

We can all apply our own risk assessments.

Taking away comfort from a very young child, causing distress and sleep deprivation during a heatwave/ stress of younger children may not be the only move.

3-4 upset nights is really normal but they you’ll be fine. Just take it away op, he’s unlikely to cooperate with it. Lots of love and support and he’ll be fine.

Oh this post resonated with me even though my DD is 18 now 😂 but was very attached to a dummy at bedtime. I remember being rather embarrassed when one of my old friends who was also a health visitor came to stay for a few days and I had to confess! My DS had outgrown his naturally around 18 months so I’d expected DD would do the same but she never did. I had some health problems around that time too and it just made bedtime easier so I let it slide. Though I honestly think if I hadn’t gone cold Turkey when I did she’d have just carried on and on!
My friend just laughed as she’s lovely and would never judge but from a dental perspective I felt it was time so we díd the dummy fairy method and left a toy in a gift bag on the door. I think it was fine from memory, she maybe asked once or twice but soon forgot. Although DD now 18 and swears she remembers the dummy fairy coming 😂 so maybe she wasn’t happy about it after all.
Seriously though, it will be fine I’m sure but a few more weeks at this stage won’t hurt so maybe do it when it’s not so hot and you both feel ready. Good luck 🤞

Gather them all up and chuck them out. He isn’t a baby.

Just rip off the plaster.
We did at 4 years old and he still says he misses it😔

Don’t beat yourself up about it, I get it! We also carried on much longer than we meant to. Fully appreciate that we were probably very lucky but we just stopped giving him his dummy or mentioning it at all but would hand it over if he asked and then made sure it had vanished before he woke up.

Over the course of about a fortnight he only actually asked once or twice. Then after he’d done a week or so of not asking at all we just went with “oh I’m not sure where it is” when he asked again because we knew he could fall asleep without it. His sleep was disrupted for a bit, we had some earlier wake ups and he was more unsettled in the night but it did pass.

If that hadn’t worked we were going to go down the dummy fairy route but I actually think he had outgrown it so just needed a little push. He 3 and a few months for reference. He occasionally asks about it now but in a sort of “I had a dummy when I was a baby” sort of way. Good luck!

My little boy is 2 and a half. He absolutely loved his dummies and would carry them everywhere up until he was 2. At 2 I would only let him have them for sleep and then they’d be removed.

About a month ago I said shall we give the dummies to the other babies, he said yes, and so we got rid of them all.

I thought we would be in for a rough time but actually he’s only asked for it twice when he’s got upset. He did actually find one down the side of his bed about 2 weeks ago which he gave to me and said for the babies.

I think cold turkey is best.

Just an update incase it’s helpful for anyone looking for advice in the future. It’s been nearly a week now & he’s been really good, his little sister still has a dummy & he now says they are only for babies! Had a bit of a wobble on the second night but said he would be able to choose a treat from the toy shop in the morning & a kinder egg which worked.

I was so worried taking away the dummy would really effect sleep but he actually seems to be fine (fingers crossed) so my advice is just go for it - I think our son actually knew he was too old to still have one & really wants to be a big boy so that helped!

thank you for all your advice 😊